Spring Is In The Air Right Now

April 30, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Capitalism, Berlin, Capitalism, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Labor Day, May 1, May Day, Satire, Tradition, Violence 1 Comment

Here in Berlin. Just like the teargas will be tomorrow.

And if we’re really lucky, we’ll have a good old-fashioned senselessly violent “Antikapitalistischen Walpurgisnacht” (anti-capitalist Walpurgis Night) tonight, too!

So y’all have a wonderful German May Day celebration, ya-here (not established as a public holiday until 1933)?

In der Vergangenheit war es in Berlin in der Walpurgisnacht und am 1. Mai häufig zu gewalttätigen Ausschreitungen am Rand von Demonstrationen der linken Szene gekommen. In diesem Jahr wollen sowohl linke Gruppen als auch die NPD in Berlin demonstrieren.

The Richard Wagner Bicentennial Jubilee Fun Time Celebration Bash Is Well Underway

April 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Semitism, Berlin, Composers, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Music, Nazis, Richard Wagner 2 Comments

But the Partystimmung (party atmosphere) can be a little problematic at times.

How do you celebrate the bicentenary of a great composer who also happened to be an anti-Semite, who posthumously inspired Hitler, and whose works featured prominently in the cultural life of the Third Reich?

That’s easy, really. You do what you’ve got to do with Wagner (if you’re a Wagner fan or a German unable to ignore him). As Friedrich Nietzsche said 125 years ago: “The Germans have cooked up a Wagner whom they can honor. And they are thankful for being able to misunderstand him.”

And as Woody Allen said quite some time later: “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“Die Deutschen haben sich einen Wagner zurechtgemacht, den sie verehren können: … sie sind damit dankbar, dass sie missverstehn.”

Germany Honestly Not Seeking Hegemony In Europe I Swear

April 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Atavism, Economics, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, German, Germans, Germany, Hegemony, Humor, Satire, World Domination Leave a comment

German Chancellor Angela Merkel rejected again today claims that her country was seeking hegemony in the European Union.

“We already are the largest economy in Europe,” she might have said. “Like, by a long shot. So why on earth would we want to do that? All we want to do is just keep exercising our predominant influence over all those other namby-pamby nations around us and with time, through peaceful terms and non-aggression, achieve world, I mean, total European domination.”

“Germany has a sometimes complicated role,” she actually said. “Because we are the largest economy – we are not the richest, but we are the largest. Therefore Germany will only act together with the others – hegemony is totally foreign to me.”

Let There Be Light

April 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, History, Humor Tags: Aerial Photography, Architecture, Berlin, Buildings, East Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Swastikas, West Berlin 1 Comment

Or at least a little more of it in the eastern half of town, I mean.

“Berlin at night. Amazingly, I think the light bulbs still show the East/West division from orbit.”

PS: Speaking of interesting aerial shots of Berlin…

OK, OK. This is in San Diego. But still.

There actually is one of these in Berlin, I’m told. I just couldn’t find it right now. Anybody know where?

Germans Tired Of Being Cast As The Euro Zone’s Scapegoats

April 11, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cyprus, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Hitler, Humor, Leadership, Merkel, Nazis, Power, Satire, Scapegoats 1 Comment

But once they take a nap and rest a little bit, they won’t be so tired anymore.

Sometimes Germany was too weak, sometimes too strong. Or, as Henry Kissinger, a former American secretary of state, put it, referring to Germany just after unification in 1871, it was “too big for Europe, but too small for the world”. Today, Mr Simms (Cambridge University) argues, “it sits uneasily at the heart of an EU that was conceived largely to constrain German power but which has served instead to increase it, and whose design flaws have unintentionally deprived many other Europeans of sovereignty.”

The question is whether Germany can use its power by unapologetically leading. Given Germany’s past, its political culture militates against even trying.

“It’s nice to go to a conference of ‘young leaders’, but you don’t want a conference of ‘junge Führer’.”

Hitler Diaries’ Reporter Wants Real Fakes Back Not Fake Fake Ones

April 10, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Berlin, Der Stern, Forgeries, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler Diaries, Humor, Journalism, Movies, Satire, Schtonk! Leave a comment

They may be a crude forgery, Gerd Heidemann seems to be saying, but they’re my crude forgery (although the actual shabby work was done be a certain Konrad Kujau).

It’s been ten years now and apparently they’re his property again, or so his interpretation of the original contract, and if he could get them back from the Stern’s publisher, Gruner & Jahr, Heidemann would “make them available to Germany’s national archive,” thus, well, gee, I dunno what the hell for, either.

“I’ve really got to have a serious talk with Eva. She thinks that a man who leads Germany can take as much time as he wants for private matters.”

Tanks For The Memories

April 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, History Tags: Abrams Tanks, Allied Forces, Berlin, Cold War, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Tanks, US Army, World War II 3 Comments

Or if you combat ’em, join ’em?

The U.S. Army’s 69-year history of basing main battle tanks on German soil quietly ended last month when 22 Abrams tanks, a main feature of armored combat units throughout the Cold War, embarked for the U.S.

“There is no [U.S.] tank on German soil.”

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Jews

March 21, 2013 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, History, Humor Tags: Berlin, Exhibitions, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jewish Museum Berlin, Jews, Satire Leave a comment

But were afraid to ask.

A Rabbi is asked why Jews always answer a question with another question. “Why not?” he replies.

“Für mich gilt jeder als Jude, der meschugge genug ist, sich selbst einen zu nennen.”

Der Spiegel Ten Years After: Iraq Invasion Commemorated By Unleashing Obsessive-Compulsive Headline Offensive

March 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Der Spiegel, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hype, Iraq, Journalism, Propaganda, Saddam Hussein, Satire 4 Comments

Bam, bam, bam! The Spiegel just had to knock off three of these puppies in a row, that’s how excited they must have been about the tenth anniversary of the US-lead invasion of Iraq.

I didn’t actually read these, of course. Why should I? I already knew what was in them.

10 Lessons from America’s ‘Dumb War’

This article reminds us once again how invading Iraq and getting rid of Saddam Hussein was a really dumb thing to do and how smart and farsighted and enlightened Germans were for having said no before anyone ever even had the chance to ask them.

Iraq War Seen as ‘Strategic Failure by Many’

This explains why the invasion made everything so awful “down there” and how it has turned that entire region of the world into the terrible, dreadful and hopeless place it is today.

Baghdad Then and Now

This is all about how much nicer it was living in Iraq before that dumb old strategic failure of an invasion took place.

Where bombs once fell, residents now buy groceries. Where militias patrolled, campaign posters now hang. Yet peace is still a long way off.

German Man Caught Impersonating A Cardinal After Other German Man Caught Impersonating A Pope

March 6, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor Tags: Catholicism, Early Retirement, Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Impersonators, Religion, Rome, Satire, The Pope 1 Comment

OK, OK. The German Pope dude actually was a Pope but he did that typical German Frührente (early retirement) thing that Popes don’t normally do so technically speaking you could be a real devil advocating jerk if you wanted to be and claim that the guy never was a real Pope in the first place (and no, of course I’m not Catholic and yes, I clearly don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about here – except for that Frührente part).

As for the Cardinal dude, I think he looked rather convincing while hanging out with several unsuspecting eminences in Rome the other day. Except for the sneakers he was wearing, maybe. And his crucifix, which was too short, or so I’m told. And his sash turned out to be just a purple scarf. But still. The Cardinal question here is, well, is not having a life something you can actually make your living at?

He was thrown out by the Swiss Guard after someone noticed his crucifix was too short and his sash was just a purple scarf.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: History