Another In-Depth Spiegel Analysis

August 9, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helections, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Der Spiegel, German, Germans, Germany, Gleichschaltung, Humor, Journalism, Obama, Presidential Election, Propaganda, Reporting, Romney, Satire 2 Comments

And it goes like this: “Romney dumb” (meaning “Obama smart”).

When it comes to objective, thorough and even-handed journalism (and the American presidential campaign) few international tabloids can compare with the quality reporting reported by Spiegel reporters.

The latest scoop for the German nation: Mitt Romney said “sheik” instead of “sikh.”

OMG. This is an issue, I guess. And shocking, or something. And proves something, I suppose.

Geepers creepers, that would be almost as inappropriate as saying these sorry Spiegel reporters are full of “Schiet” instead of “Scheiße” (Schiet, albeit correct, is a much more vulgar term here, I think).

Knapp drei Monate vor der US-Präsidentenwahl liegt Amtsinhaber Barack Obama in Umfragen weiter deutlich vor Romney.

German Journalists Concerned About Disinformation?

August 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Assad, Berlin, Der Spiegel, German, Germans, Germany, Guilt, Journalism, Propaganda, Psychology, Syria 1 Comment

Since when? This is classic German mind gymnastics for me. Take something simple and make it complicated. Then add a dash of sinister anti-American consipiracy theory (or anti-Western, if you prefer), a clove of institutionalised German peacenik guilt complex, hand-wring thoroughly and then serve warm.

Mr. Todenhöfer faulted Mr. Reuter and other Western journalists for what he called their willingness to accept the rebel (Syrian) narrative, with its uncorroborated casualty reports, unverified videos of destruction and anonymous witnesses to atrocities by soldiers and thuggish militiamen. “I criticize their disinformation campaigns and their dreadful ‘massacre marketing,’ ” he said.

He has castigated Western press coverage of the Syrian conflict, calling it unfairly hostile to Mr. Assad and overly sympathetic to his enemies.

“Mr. Assad still holds the authority among the majority of the population.”

Pirates Shocked That Pirates Won’t Pay

August 5, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Finances, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Pirates, Political Parties, Politics, Satire, The Pirate Party 2 Comments

Is this any way for a marauding mob of pilfering plunderers and freeloading freebooters to behave?

Worried about financial bottlenecks during upcoming election campaigns, Pirate party boss Bernd Schlömer has threatened to admonish dilinquent party members. Many (42 percent) have failed to pay their annual membership fee of 48 euros.

Nach Angaben von Schlömer haben rund 42 Prozent der mehr als 33.000 Mitglieder ihren Jahresbeitrag von 48 Euro noch nicht bezahlt.

So Much For That Shootout

August 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Central Banks, Draghi, ECB, EU, Euro Crisis, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Italy, Merkel, Monetary Policy, Satire, Spain, The Euro, The Euro Zone Leave a comment

I still don’t know who Gary Cooper was here, but Mario Draghi just went from “I will do whatever it takes to preserve the euro” (and buy up Spanish and Italian bonds) to “the ECB may consider” doing so at a later date.

Needless to say, the markets were not amused. Cherchez la femme, I’d say (and it ain’t Grace Kelly).

What’s the hold up? Germany, perhaps. During a press conference afterwards, ECB vice-president Vítor Constâncio noted that only one member of the ECB was adamantly opposed to bond purchases. This seems to be a reference to Germany’s Bundesbank, which had vigorously opposed a central-bank bailout of Spain and Italy. And even though the Bundesbank doesn’t have a direct veto over ECB actions, it seems Germany, as the richest country in the euro zone, still has plenty of sway.

“For all the criticism of Merkel, she distinguishes herself from politicians on both sides of the Atlantic in that she has a plan.”

40 Percent Feel Discriminated Against?

August 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Ausländer, Berlin, Discrimination, Foreigners, German, Germans, Germany, Hostility, Humor, Immigration, Integration, Racism, Satire, Society, Studies, Xenophobia 1 Comment

A new study showing that 40 percent of foreigners living in Germany feel discriminated against in everyday life has left numerous German social scientists completely puzzled.

“This was quite a surprise for most of us,” one expert noted, wishing to remain anonymous. “As everybody out there knows, this percentage should really be a whole lot higher. It’s like 60 or 70 percent easy, I’d say. Those dumb foreigners clearly don’t know what the hell is going on, as usual.”

“Meine Erfahrung ist, dass hochqualifizierte Menschen mit ausländischen Wurzeln teilweise befürchten, in normalen Bewerbungsverfahren ausgegrenzt zu werden.”

It’s High Noon

August 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bundesbank, Currency, ECB, EU, Financial crisis, Fiscal Policy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Euro, The Euro Crisis, The Euro Zone Leave a comment

But which one is Gary Cooper?

Big spending Mario Draghi, the European Central Bank boss who is shooting for the outright central-bank purchase of European sovereign debt, or lonely Bundesbank chief Jens Weidmann (and pretty much the rest of conservative Germany) who is gunning to resist such a move as it would “dilute debt-laden governments’ incentive to reform, and lumber the central bank with too many risks and responsibilities, endangering its independence and credibility.”

And more importantly, who is Grace Kelly here and where is she when we need her?

“I will do whatever it takes to preserve the euro.”

“Arming the World for Peace”

July 31, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms, Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Only German military industrial complex peaceniks can pull this kind of stuff off without laughing out loud. Not only do they sell their expensive weapons systems for gutes Geld (serious money), they arm the world for peace in the process.

Drawing lessons from Afghanistan and Libya, German Chancellor Merkel has been making quiet changes to Berlin’s arms exports policy. Instead of intervening in conflicts, she wants to help arm certain countries to provide stability in crisis regions.

“The idea of supporting partners in turbulent regions with weapons so that they can provide for stability is not implausible.” As long as Germans are doing it, I guess.

Ich Liebe Deutsche Land

July 30, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypochondria Tags: Berlin, Demographics, Extinction, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Immigration, Population, Population Growth, Satire Leave a comment

How can the German population actually be growing despite decades of negative birth rates? That’s easy. Just do it without the Germans.

It’s the immigrants, stupid.

Es sind die Einwanderer, die uns vorm Aussterben bewahren.

Biomass Movement Is Over (If You Want It)

July 27, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bioenergy, Biomass, Energy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Ideology, Politics, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, The Energy Turnaround Leave a comment

Remember the days when crops were something people would eat?

Well the German National Academy of Sciences Leopoldina has just found out that that maybe wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The German mania for “bioenergy” seems to have already had its day in the solar-powered sun. The academy’s report “Bioenergy – Chances and Limits” concludes that bioenergy is just a lot of bio gas (or hot bio air, if you prefer).

It plays “a minor role in the transition to renewable, sustainable energy sources in Germany at the present time and probably in the future,” requiring more surface area, creating higher greenhouse gas emissions and being more harmful to the environment than other renewable sources.

So what are we going to do with all those imported soybeans now? Eat them? Hey, the plan looked good on green paper, though.

“Die Produktion von Biokraftstoffen stellte eine extrem ineffiziente Nutzung der verfügbaren landwirtschaftlichen Fläche dar.”

This Is A German Swearing

July 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Businesses, Cussing, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Psychology, Satire, Stress, Swearing, Telephones Leave a comment

Boy, talk about the line being busy.

Two German entrepreneurs have devised a way for passive-aggressive citizens to blow off some steam – dial a telephone number and give the person on the other end a verbal lashing.

The swearing hotline, known as “Schimpf-los” (“swear away”) in German, has operators standing by seven days a week for frustrated individuals to jeer at and taunt using the most unsavory language they can muster.

“That’s the third time I’ve heard that today – is that all you’ve got?”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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