No Berlin Wall Here

September 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, Elections, Forest Boy Ray, Fraud, German, Germans, Germany, Hoaxes, Political Parties, Stasi, The Berlin Wall, The Cold War, Voting, Waldjunge Ray 1 Comment

Not unless you look at how Berliners vote, that is.

There was no great cross-border migration in the city after 1989. People had security of tenure in their flats, and they stayed put. Berlin had a large concentration of members of the Socialist Unity Party (as the communist party in East Germany was called), as well as the civil servants and Stasi operatives who kept the communist state running, and they have remained in their areas and transferred their loyalty to Die Linke.

PS: Speaking of cross-border migration, whatever happened to Ray? You know, that Dutch dude who ripped off Berlin’s youth services for 30,000 euros while doing his memory loss show for months on end? Well, he just got slammed with all the Härte (severity) of German law and will now have to perform 150 hours of community work AND receive counseling. Yowie. Let me tell you what. The Germans do NOT mess around when it comes to dishing out draconic punishment.

Mummy Not Mummy

September 25, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Angela Merkel, Elections, Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Hoaxes, Humor, Mummies, Satire Leave a comment

You got your real live German “Mummy” (Mutti).

Then you got your el cheapo 2,000-year-old German plastic dummy “Mummy” somebody found in an attic in a place called Diepholz.

Both have caused an overnight sensation, however. Sort of. Only the “The Mummy of Diepholz” is a fake while Mummy is the real thing. Although… Come to think of it, she hasn’t actually been unwrapped and x-rayed by scientists yet.

“I believe that my father brought this box from a trip to Africa.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

September 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaigns, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Northhampton Clown, Peer Steinbrück, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

In Berlin of all places.

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”

Well You Can Buy Christmas Goodies Here In September, Too

September 15, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Christmas, Commercialism, Dirndl, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lederhosen, Marketing, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire, September Leave a comment

Go to any ALDI or LIDL these days if you don’t believe me (I prefer the Spekulatius myself).

So why should it surprise anybody that’s it’s October in September again already, too. Or nearly so. Prepare or be square.

Tip number 1: Go get your Lederhose NOW. Or a Dirndl, if your prefer. The same applies to the girls. Only after having put on one of these will you be able to celebrate the Oktoberfest in a really zünftig (hearty) fashion. And only after having put down two or three liters of Bier too, of course. But that goes without saying.

Nr. 1 – Das richtige Outfit: In Dirndl und Lederhosen feiert es sich einfach am zünftigsten. Diverse Online-Shops bieten eine große Auswahl für „Madln“ (=Mädels) und „Buam“ (=Jungs). Da aber beides perfekt sitzen soll, empfiehlt es sich, das Outfit vor Ort zu kaufen. Ein Tipp für die Damen: wird die Schleife der Dirndl-Schürze rechts gebunden, gilt Frau als vergeben, links bedeutet: „Ich bin noch zu haben.“

Talk To The Hands

September 13, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaign Posters, Campaigns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Hands, Humor, Merkel-Raute, Politics, Satire, Steinbruch, Stinkefinger Leave a comment

Or let them talk to you. It’s election time here in Germany. And these images below are forms of German politician hand-speak meant to subliminally woo undecided voters at the last minute. Or at least I can only assume that this is what this is meant to be.

“Volksnah” (in touch with the people) by the SPD.

“Bescheiden” (modest) by the FDP.

And “Ruhig” (serene) by the Chancellor herself.

Fingerspitzen sanft aneinandergedrückt, die Hände formen eine Raute – seit Jahren macht die deutsche Kanzlerin Angela Merkel immer wieder dieses “Geheimzeichen”. Und sie ist nicht mehr alleine…

PS: And everybody seems to be doing that Chancellor one these days.

You Gotta Have Courage

September 11, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Die Linke, German, Germans, Germany, Goslar, Hitler, Honorary Citizenship, Humor, Nazis, Satire, The Left Party Leave a comment

68 years after Adolf Hitlers’s death, Left party town councillors in the German city of Goslar have decided it is now time for the city to show its colors and some backbone and fearlessly strip the unpopular Nazi leader of his honorary citizenship.

It’s civil courage like this that made Germany what it is today. Or something.

Some 4,000 German towns made Hitler an honorary citizen, and many have since stripped him of the title, some right after the war, while others did it only recently, such as the southern town of Trier in 2010.

WikiLeaks Leak Leaked To US Intelligence Before Leak Could Be Properly Leaked

September 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Julian Assange, Justice, Law, Moralists, Satire, Treachery, Wikileaks Leave a comment

Or so claims that anything but courageous fighter for selective justice and phoney moralist-snitch-nerd-global-poster-boy Julian Assange HIMSELF.

And that is why he is now blowing the whistle yet again, only this time from his self-imposed exile in an Ecuadorian Embassy cell, and has made a criminal complaint with the German Federal Prosecutor’s Office in Karlsruhe.

He believes that an evil ex-US Marine Corps spy guy dude pre-leaked his leak while Assange was visiting a “Chaos Computer Club” convention in Berlin back in 2009. And this is just plain not fair, I guess. And leak-worthy in and of itself.

Nach Darstellung des NDR und Süddeutscher Zeitung soll Assange in seiner Strafanzeige den Bundesanwälten angeboten haben, sich per Video zu dem Vorgang vernehmen zu lassen.

More Naked Political Reality

August 29, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Hotness, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Activism, Berlin, Boobs, Femen, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protest, Satire Leave a comment

Now these are what I call political animals. Grrrr.

A bunch of Femen activists were demonstrating again somewhere in Berlin today against somebody cracking down on their Femen activities somewhere in some country some place as if somebody could care less or was even freakin’ listening.

Activism sure can be a dirty business, can’t it? And nasty, too. But somebody’s got to do it.

“My boobs, my bombs.”

German of the Day: Veggie-Klatsch

August 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Political Parties, Polls, Satire, Surveys, The Green Shirts, Vegetarians 1 Comment

A smack upside they green veggie heads, in other words.

If you believe the latest voter survey, that’s what the German Greens are getting at the moment.

Seems to have something to do with their recent Veggie Day Offensive. Or maybe it has something to do with their overall everyday offensiveness or another one of their many other offensive ambitious dreams for Verbotsrepublik Deutschland. Hard to say for sure.

NEUE WÄHLER-UMFRAGE SCHOCKT TRITTIN & CO.

Greens Loudly Denounce Disastrous Legislative Blunder Made By Awful German Government Coalition Currently In Power

August 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Elections, Greens, Humor, Politics, Schadenfreude, SPD, Taxation Leave a comment

Only this blunder was made by the Greens themselves during the Red-Green coalition government reign back in 2005.

Hard to believe really, but their 328-page election program “Time for Green Change” actually denounces as “a fatal policy change” the legislation they themselves introduced that increased the percentage of what employees have to pay for their share of the statutory health insurance here (employers pay the rest).

Well, I suppose it is better to realize one’s mistakes late than never and all that, but I’m not sure if that is really what was intended here.

If it wasn’t for Schadenfreude, I wouldn’t have no Freude at all.

“Bei all den erhobenen Zeigefingern gegenüber den anderen scheint kein Finger mehr für saubere Recherche im eigenen Laden frei gewesen zu sein.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Humor