501 German Oddities. No way. Is that all there are?
And you don’t have to read all about them on these new-fangled eReader thingies all the time, you know. Or do you? Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, etc.
Tag Archives: Humor
German Of The Day: Hauptverkehrszeit
You know, the peak hour? The highpoint? Not to be confused with other kinds of public Verkehr (traffic) out there, however.
It usually takes place in the Berlin subway around have sex, I mean halb sechs (five-thirty) in the morning, maybe later. Sometimes the Hauptverkehrszeit comes earlier, though. Even when it’s in the evening. Or in the middle of the night.
Police said that charges could only be brought in such a case if someone felt disturbed by the couple’s display and reported it to the authorities.
Germans Aren’t Scaredy-Cats
They’re Fear Rabbits (Angsthasen).
And what’s the number one angst in Germany these days? Ukraine? Ebola? Nope. Money. Money, the environment and health, in that order.
“The majority of Germans are afraid the Eurozone crisis will hit tax payers hard and that the cost of living is rising.”
Im westlichen Kokon scheint der Blick gelegentlich getrübt – ein wenig mehr Realismus könnte den Deutschen nicht schaden.
Germans Thrilled About Crappy TV Satire Nobody Watched Last Night
Or at least German Twittererers are.
It was called “State Affair” and had to do with an affair (like a sex one) between two heads of state – the German Chancellor lady and the French President dude.
I dunno. Sounds pretty satirical to me. Should have worked. But apparently it didn’t.
Like one guy tweeted: “I don’t even buy Veronica Ferres playing the role of Veronica Ferres.”
Sex beim Gipfeltreffen: Veronica Ferres verliebt sich als deutsche Bundeskanzlerin in den französischen Präsidenten. Die TV-Satire “Die Staatsaffäre” beginnt und endet wie schlimmes Werbefernsehen. Zwischendurch amüsiert man sich aber prächtig.
Uber And Out
It’s new, it promotes competition, it has something to do with the Internetz and it’s American. It just has to be verboten.
The ride-hailing service Uber is about to have a head-on collision with Germany’s taxis and legal system. A court in Frankfurt has banned Uber’s most popular service from operating in the country until a hearing this year on whether it unfairly competes with local taxis.
It’s like this: Whatever is not expressly permitted in this country is strictly forbidden.
Es würden gegen Entgelt Personen befördert, „ohne im Besitz einer Genehmigung nach dem Personenbeförderungsgesetz zu sein.“
PS: Or maybe everyone’s pissed because they spelled Uber wrong?
Arctic Sea Ice Spiral Of Death?
Wat dann nun (well which one is it then)? Satellite images show that “the Arctic ice crust is melting faster than expected“or
“stunning satellite images show summer ice cap is thicker and covers 1.7 million square kilometres more than 2 years ago.”
I know. It must be both.
The speech by former US Vice-President Al Gore was apocalyptic. ‘The North Polar ice cap is falling off a cliff,’ he said. ‘It could be completely gone in summer in as little as seven years. Seven years from now.’ Those comments came in 2007 as Mr Gore accepted the Nobel Peace Prize for his campaigning on climate change.
PS: The Ozone Hole is also doing really poorly these days and will soon disappear completely. Ozone scientists are therefore justifiably worried about what to worry about next.
Olympia Opponents Worried Berlin Too Poor (But Sexy) To Pay
Germans in general are famous for being against stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet. But Berliners in particular take it up a notch and like being against the very thought of the idea of the stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet.
Take Berlin’s candidacy for the 2024 Olympic Games, for instance. The one that hasn’t even been applied for yet, I mean. A group calling itself NOlympia is absolutely against this non-candidacy business because the non-application itself would cost a whopping 50 million euros alone. Once it were to be a real application, I mean.
And that would only be the start, people. The Olympics here would be an economic catastrophe, meltdown, debacle, or cataclysm even. Like the finances in Berlin are already, for instance. Sure, Berlin may be able to afford an 850 quadrazillion euro airport that still hasn’t been built yet but 50 million for the chance to have your town host the Olympics is absolutely out of the question for anyone out there with even just a little bit of common economic sense.
Do you have any idea what the Olympics would do to the real estate prices in this city, for instance? That’s right. It would increase the value of real estate in Berlin dramatically. And what city could possibly want something like that to happen?
No, no, no. It’s better to say no first and ask questions later. We no what we are doing and there’s no time to lose. Just say no. No tengo dinero. No we can’t already!
“Der olympische Spitzensport lässt sich nicht ökologisch oder nachhaltig bewerten.”
What This Town Needs Is A Maximum Security Zoo
Not only do prison inmates in Berlin get to unionize so they can push for a minimum wage and a pension plan, they also get to go on regular visits to Berlin’s famous Zoo called the , uh, Berliner Zoo.
But some of these creepy dirtballs ruthlessly take advantage of their prison’s warm-hearted generosity by escaping when the two unsuspecting and unarmed guards accompanying them are caught off guard. While looking at the animals and stuff. In the zoo. Just like somebody called Hassan C. did yesterday. Man oh man. Some of these unionized prison inmates can be real jerks when they’re not in prison.
Wie konnte ihm die Flucht gelingen?
We All Lose Our Heads Once In A While
But how do you lose a 5.6-foot tall one of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin? It’s not easy, but Berlin city authorities can do it.
It was the star of Good Bye Lenin, Wolfgang Becker’s tragicomedy set around the fall of the Berlin Wall: a statue of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, suspended from a helicopter, seemingly waving goodbye to the crumbling socialist republic.
But more than two decades after it was torn down, Berlin authorities have admitted the giant monument may be lost in storage.
And You Thought US-Amerika Had Problems With Potholes
A Second World War bomb discovered under one of Germany’s busiest autobahns has blown a 65ft hole in the road after it exploded.
Bomb disposal experts were forced to carry out a controlled explosion after being unable to defuse the 1,000lb British shell which was unearthed during construction work.
Der britische Blindgänger war neben der stark befahrenen Autobahn 3 in der Nähe des Frankfurter Flughafens bei Bauarbeiten gefunden worden. Um die Fundstelle wurde eine 1000-Meter-Sicherheitszone eingerichtet. Die Autobahn wurde voll gesperrt, es kam zu kilometerlangen Staus.
Observing Hermann 