Next Troubling Demographic Development Stuns Germany

As if Germans did not have enough to worry about already, a study from Credit Suisse has just confirmed that more than 1.7 million German citizens are now living above the millionaire line.

Wealth

In fact, despite the so-called financial crisis, the amount of personal wealth has nearly doubled here since the year 2000.

German experts are grappling to find a sufficient explanation for this troubling development, as the causes of excessive German wealth were hitherto thought to have been fully understood and firmly under control.

With the release of these new findings, however, it appears as if some sources of this disgusting German wealth may be attributable to certain socio-demographic characteristics or other social, political, economic and cultural factors that may not have been fully comprehended up until now.

“This is absolutely shameful,” one grudging expert said. “It is an absolute outrage that wealth like this could exist in such an advanced and envious society as ours. We will not tolerate it and we shall never cease our efforts until the causes for this injustice are found and alleviated.”

Seit Mitte 2012 seien 221.000 Menschen hinzugekommen; insgesamt lebten in Deutschland nun gut 1.735.000 Dollar-Millionäre.

The Red Parts Is Where All Them There German-Americans Live

Germans

California still looks like a pretty safe bet.

It’s time to break out the bratwurst as the United States celebrates German-American Day on Oct. 6.

Commemorating the founding of Germantown, Pa. in 1683, the holiday celebrates America’s largest ancestry group, with 49 million people claiming part or full German heritage.

At Least It Wasn’t The NSA

The Unification Day celebrations are now officially over. Red-Red-Green coalition talks anyone?

STASI

Well what do you know? It turns out that the chief executive secretary of the Left Party in the Bundestag was a “top agent” of the Stasi. Sachen gibt’s die gibt’s gar nicht (what will they think up next?).

Left Party boss Gregor Gysi is absolutely shocked, of course, and just cannot understand how a person like that could infiltrate a political party like his.

But at least Left Party members are able to take solace in the fact that said agent was clearly not an insidious agent of North American imperialism (excluding Canada) and a rotten capitalistic scumbag opertive working for that reactionary bourgeois NSA spy system so in the news and up in our faces these days but rather an easy-going and progressive comrade type who was not at all forced to work for a quaint totalitarian state once located in the immediate vicinity but then inexplicably disappeared and was only trying to make the world a more, you know, social place to live

Schwerer Schlag für die Linke: Die Geschäftsführerin der Fraktion im Bundestag, Ruth Kampa, war offenbar eine Top-Agentin der Stasi. Fraktionschef Gysi will davon nichts gewusst haben.

Lady Gaga To Event Herself At Famous Hedonistic Nightclub

Gaga

In Berlin. And the rumors are already abounding that she is at long last ready to finally reveal to the world that she is actually a woman.

In gut einem Monat erscheint Lady Gagas neues Album “Artpop”. In Berlin rührt Gaga am 24. Oktober selbst die Werbetrommel und wird den Fans die Platte vorstellen, sie moderiert das Event auch noch selbst.

The Perfect Alarm

I mean storm. Germany doesn’t even need a wake-up call. But they are always appreciated anyway. The ink was hardly dry on the latest alarming expert IPCC report about “higher seas” (is ink even used anymore?) before German experts here were suddenly quite certain that investments of hundreds of millions of euros will be needed in this country for massive costal protection measures like “super dikes” and other cool stuff like that.

Unwetter

“It is extremely likely” that these investments will just be a meager beginning too, I’m sure. After all, as all Germans know, scary storm tides just keep getting worse and worse here, right?

And WE ALL KNOW that there will be even scarier storm tides crashing in over the German coast in the weeks and months to come because, well, this here IPCC report thingy needs some more handfest (tangible) confirmation. That Germany has always had a Sturmflutsaison (storm tide season) and monster storms throughout recorded history will be of no interest here.

Sound like Fukishima all over again? It should. This is Fukishma all over again. Only different, because the big storm tide hasn’t happened yet.

I think I’m going to go out and get my potable water and canned goods now.

“In der Regel waren die Deiche in den vergangenen Jahren in einem guten bis sehr guten Zustand. Damit das auch künftig so bleibt, werden im Land derzeit einige alte Deiche durch Superdeiche ersetzt.”

Mummy Not Mummy

You got your real live German “Mummy” (Mutti).

Mummy 1

Then you got your el cheapo 2,000-year-old German plastic dummy “Mummy” somebody found in an attic in a place called Diepholz.

Mummy 2

Both have caused an overnight sensation, however. Sort of. Only the “The Mummy of Diepholz” is a fake while Mummy is the real thing. Although… Come to think of it, she hasn’t actually been unwrapped and x-rayed by scientists yet.

“I believe that my father brought this box from a trip to Africa.”

Inconvenient Truths

Greens

No, not just the one about top German Green party leaders having to resign after seeing their party’s vote drop to 8.4 percent under their leadership (from 10.7 percent in 2009).

Climate

There is also the one that climatologists are going to have to face – according to the Spiegel, of all places – about the data showing how global temperatures just aren’t rising the way they had so alarmingly and repeatedly predicted they would.

This is a dilemma. Or another moment of inconvenient truth? I guess the question now is how the Greens and the climatologists are going to get together and manage to kick-start the fear and get it reved up again. Or what other options could they possibly have?

The number of people who believe in such a coming apocalypse, however, has considerably decreased. A survey conducted on behalf of SPIEGEL found a dramatic shift in public opinion — Germans are losing their fear of climate change. While in 2006 a sizeable majority of 62 percent expressed a fear of global warning, that number has now become a minority of just 39 percent.

PS: It must be hard to be cool and smug and still get whooped bad by  a dull, frumpy and uncharismatic “Swabian houswife.”

Now Get Out There And Vote!

Bierleiche

German of the day: Bierleiche. This means “beer corpse.” You know, when one of those thirteen beers was bad?

Eineinhalb Stunden nach Beginn des Oktoberfests in München ist die erste Patientin mit Alkoholvergiftung in der Wiesn-Sanitätsstation gelandet – angeblich nach nur einem Bier. Normalerweise kommen die ersten Patienten aber schon früher.

I Got Your Center-Right For You Right Here

Merkel

Although it might as well be a center-left. Um, is there even a difference between the two in Germany anymore?

Two days before the vote, a survey by Forsa for private broadcaster RTL showed Merkel’s conservatives — the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and its sister Bavarian party the Christian Social Union (CSU) — 14 points ahead of the SPD, meaning she will almost surely return for a third term.

But her combined center-right bloc, which includes the business-friendly Free Democrats (FDP), was in a dead heat with left-leaning opposition parties, with both camps on 45 percent.

That makes the election in Europe’s largest economy too close to call.

“I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

Grusel

In Berlin of all places.

Clown

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”