9,999,999 Foreigners Living In Germany Now

A round 10 million counting me.

Foreigners

When is somebody finally going to do something about this already?

There are only 80 million Germans here, by the way. Tendenz sinkend (going down). But don’t mind them. They’re on their way out for a reason. I don’t know what it is but there must be some reason they’re on their way out.

More than half of residents living in the German city of Frankfurt have a migrant background, according to new statistics. Figures show 51.2 per cent of people living there are either non-German, German citizens born abroad or Germans who are the children of immigrants.

PS: At least some Germans are trying to fight back by making more babies.

All The Secret Code That’s Fit To Print

Forget about the lying press. Now some German media have taken it to a new level and publish their news reports using a secret code. Everybody here knows the code, however, so it’s not much of a secret. But still.

250

Here’s an example: 250 “people” obstruct a police operation in Duisburg. The cops in Duisburg wanted to check the papers of some guy involved in a traffic violation. The situation escalated, however, ending up with a gang of 250 “people” assembling and interfering with this police action.

Let me decode that for you: Germans don’t assemble in groups like that to interfere with cops investigating some traffic violation. Ergo, other people who now live in Germany do. Not one word can be found in that article indicating that, of course, but your everyday Germans on the street have become such experienced code breakers that they know the deal as soon as they read the headline. Nobody’s lying though, see?

Etwa 250 Menschen haben der Polizei zufolge eine Verkehrskontrolle gestört.

Leaving Las Vegas

Only it’s Germany this time. And nobody’s really leaving here, either.

Return

You don’t have to leave, of course, refugee folks. It’s just that we’d really, really, really like it if you would.

With deportations expensive and complicated, Germany launched a new website designed to help encourage migrants to return voluntarily to their home countries. Organizers are please with the resonance so far, the site currently getting up to six or seven hits a day.

In diesem Jahr sind bisher weniger Migranten freiwillig in ihre Heimat zurückgekehrt als noch im Vorjahr. Bund und Länder versuchen weiterhin eine schnellere und konsequentere Abschiebung durchzusetzen.

German Of The Day: Kriminalstatistik

That means crime statistics. And the statistic that just came out about suspected criminal refugees in Germany rose 52.7 percent between 2015 and 2016 – to 174,438.

Refugee

If this were all just petty crime that would be bad enough but Germany’s Federal Office for Migration and Refugees (BAMF) says now that thousands of migrants had identified themselves as former Taliban insurgents during the asylum application process. At least they were honest, right? My, Germany certainly has a generous immigration policy.

So there are more criminal refugees here than anybody figured? How you figure? That must be some kind of mistake. All the popular media outlets have been suggesting the opposite. And still are, for that matter.

Zahl der tatverdächtigen Zuwanderer steigt um 52,7 Prozent.

Suspect X From County Y

Or German of the day: Migrationshintergrund.

Angst

That means migration background.

It might be the norm in other countries, but in Germany, revealing a criminal’s country of origin in the media is still highly controversial. But some say that doing so can even serve to rectify prejudiced opinions.

Rectify prejudiced opinions? You mean, knowing the truth might “rectify” the opinions you don’t want people to have? Sure, that might be a good start. Might not be. Hard to say for sure.

The suspect is a “German WITHOUT a migration background.”

Voice Analysis Software To The Rescue

Being that over 60 percent of the million or so migrants seeking asylum in Germany do not have any identification papers on them and are not always “open” about where they actually came from, Germany authorities are planning to use speech analysis technology to help straigten this out and thus speed up the asylum seeking process.

Migrants

Migrants from Bavaria, for instance, speak a unique dialect of German that natives of, say, Hamburg or Frankfurt find difficult to understand. Berlin migrants, on the other hand, often speak Berlinisch, a metrolect mixture not always well-received in other parts of the country. This voice analysis software will quickly identify these differences and thus enable authorities to send these folks back to the Bundesland (federal state) they came from. For further processing there, I mean.

“I don’t see how automated software can distinguish whether a person uses a certain word or pronounces it in a particular way because this is part of their own repertoire or because they were primed to do so by the interviewer or interpreter.”

 

Two From Togo To Go?

Two violent and drunken asylum seekers from Togo (Syrian migrants, I assume) who smashed up their asylum center because of the lousy mobile phone reception there?

Togo

To go back home to Togo, I mean? Right. Wahrscheinlich (probably).

A German police officer has been severely injured in a weekend riot by drunken refugees armed with iron bars who smashed their accommodation centre to smithereens. Two men from Togo and six from Ghana went berserk at their asylum home in Rees-Haldern, near the Dutch border a DAY after moving in because they were ‘unhappy’ with their quarters.

„Die Infrastruktur gefiel ihnen nicht und es gibt dort wohl Netzprobleme was den Handyempfang angeht.“

Abdalfatah H. A. Will Not Tell Germans What The H. A. Stands For

And with good reason. His true identity might be used against him. He is a Syrian refugee who just got arrested on suspicion of having committed war crimes.

Police

As we all know, Germany will allow anybody from anywhere in the world to enter the country as a Syrian refugee (no passport or other identification needed) but being a war criminal who is believed to have killed 36 people might slow down his asylum seeking process considerably. And that would be inhumane.

German police are currently investigating some 30 cases linked to war crimes committed in Syria and Iraq.

435,000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall

435,000 bottles of beer.

Asylum

Expensive bottles of imported beer. No, make that deported beer.

“We carried over 435,000 cases into the new year and we want to have dealt with those this spring.”

“If there is virtually no prospect for a migrant to stay here, it makes sense to push for an early repatriation and to encourage that financially.”

This Man Is Not A Terrorist

It’s the woman standing next to him. Hardy, har, har.

Terrorist

Anas Modamani, who migrated to Germany from Syria, told the BBC that a photo he took with German leader Angela Merkel has been used in various reports claiming he was involved in several different terrorist attacks, which spread around Facebook.

Modamani hired a lawyer to file an injunction against the Menlo Park-based social network alleging the company failed to remove racist posts, in violation of German hate speech laws. The legal action comes as Facebook faces mounting pressure to do something about the proliferation of fake news on the social network.

Er wäre ein Paradebeispiel für gelungene Integration. Doch nach einem Selfie mit der Kanzlerin wird Anas Modamani immer wieder als Terrorist verunglimpft. Die Geschichte eines 19-Jährigen, der jetzt genug hat.