Bundeswehr Afghan Troops Now Marching Through Leipzig

October 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Afghanistan, Anniversaries, Battle of Nations, Battles, Bundeswehr, Humor, Kunduz, Leipzig, Military, Napoleon, Nationalism, Pacifism, Satire, Taliban, Terror, Völkerschlacht, War Leave a comment

With nowhere to put their dreaded and battle-tried Bundeswehr troops after the recent pullout from the Afghan province of Kunduz (German troops in Afghanistan are now being reduced from 4,000 to 800), Bundeswehr strategists have decided to use them for what they hope will be the decisive battle between Napoleon’s forces and allied troops from Austria, Prussia, Russia and Sweden instead.

German Defense Minister Thomas de Maiziere noted that a victory against the cunning French emperor would be “a turning point not only for the Bundeswehr, but also for German society itself” and would finally prove to the GermanVolk and even the rest of the world out there that the Bundeswehr “will actually shoot at people if they like absolutely, positively have to, but of course only if the UN and Starfleet Command have OK’d it in writing first.”

Thousands of people will don period costumes, mount horses and raise their muskets and sabers to recreate the decisive battle between Napoleon’s forces and allied troops from Austria, Prussia, Russia and Sweden.

German Drones More Dangerous Than We Thought

June 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech Tags: Afghanistan, Airplanes, Berlin, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Politics, Technology 2 Comments

Euro Hawk Actually Euro Turkey

May 16, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Drones, Euro Hawk, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Politics, Satire 4 Comments

Just when Germans thought that they could own a drone of their own, one of those fancy European-made Euro Hawk drone type drones, somebody finally did the math and figured out that the 508 million euros already spent for the prototype had already been more than enough already.

Now Germany is in talks with Israel on buying something called a Heron TP drone instead. I assume that the TP stands for Total Preiswert (totally inexpensive) and this is definitely the way to go because if you absolutely positively have to own killing machines that you will never ever use in a million years anyway, cheapness is what you want.

Berlin sucht den Drohnen-Depp!

Germans Bemoan Loaned Drones And Condone Owned Drones Instead

May 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Aircraft, Berlin, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Surveillance, Weapons 1 Comment

Drones aren’t so evil after all, it seems. As long as Germans are flying them, I mean.

A German Defense Ministry representative says that the US is ready to approve an official German request for three armed MQ-9 Reaper drone aircraft (formerly known as the “Predator B”) and four ground control stations, to be filed in May this year.

A Forsa survey released earlier in April suggested that only 12 percent of Germans supported the use of armed drones in all circumstances. A majority of 59 percent approved the idea, however, provided that the aircraft were only used to ward off clear and present danger.

Nur wenige Bundesbürger sind gegen den Einsatz. In einer Forsa-Umfrage für die Zeitschrift „Internationale Politik” sprachen sich 12 Prozent der Befragten für eine generelle Erlaubnis aus, 59 Prozent plädierten für einen Drohnen-Einsatz unter bestimmten Bedingungen, etwa zur Abwendung einer unmittelbaren Gefahr. Nur 27 Prozent der Bundesbürger wollen bewaffnete Drohnen generell verbieten.

Tanks For The Memories

April 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, History Tags: Abrams Tanks, Allied Forces, Berlin, Cold War, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Tanks, US Army, World War II 3 Comments

Or if you combat ’em, join ’em?

The U.S. Army’s 69-year history of basing main battle tanks on German soil quietly ended last month when 22 Abrams tanks, a main feature of armored combat units throughout the Cold War, embarked for the U.S.

“There is no [U.S.] tank on German soil.”

Literally Hundreds March For Peace Again In Germany This Easter

March 31, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Demonstrations, Easter, Easter Marches, Egotism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Peace, Satire, Self-centeredness, The Peace Movement, War, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Literally hundreds of German peace activists spent several hours this weekend in numerous German cities protesting against one or two (or even three) important peace-related issues like…

1) German “killer drones” that don’t exist,
2) Bundeswehr recruitment at German schools and
3) Countries like Mali and Syria that should stop being so warlike already (although everybody knows that Germany will NEVER EVER be involved there militarily in any meaningful way EVER) and just go away and leave us, as in them, alone.

Es ist an der Zeit: Sagt Nein!

Die westdeutsche Friedensbewegung hat ihre Wurzeln im Protest gegen das atomare Wettrüsten während des Kalten Krieges. 1983 erlebte sie ihren Höhepunkt mit Hunderttausenden Demonstranten in Bonn, die gegen die Stationierung von amerikanischen Atomraketen protestierten.

US-Amerika Raising Tensions Again

March 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, North Korea, Nuclear weapons, Pacifism, Pacifists, Satire Leave a comment

United States military forces have once again dramatically and unnecessarily raised tensions all over the place (but in North Korea mostly) by clearly demonstrating that they intend to react to any preemptive nuclear strikes conducted by North Korea against the United States with what will most likely be a more than sufficient show of overwhelming force.

Concerned European peace researchers are alarmed, of course, and stress that this type of bravado only sends signals that could result in confrontation and should cease immediately already. Or else.

Nordkorea hatte den Amerikanern jüngst mit einem atomaren Erstschlag und dem Angriff von amerikanischen Militärstützpunkten im Pazifik gedroht.

The British are leaving! The British are leaving!

March 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Allied Forces, Berlin, British Army, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, NATO, Occupation, Satire, The British Army on the Rhine, Timetables, UK Troops Leave a comment

And the German communities they will soon be leaving don’t like it one little bit. It has to do with Kaufkraft (spending power) or something.

Strange, isn’t it? Germans are always the first to demand the quickest possible withdrawal timetable for “foreign” troops (NATO, ISAF, etc.) taking part in peacekeeping operations elsewhere in the world, but then start whining once the foreign peacekeepers in Germany finally have enough already and decide to leave themselves – after nearly seventy years.

Peace is hell.

“Da sind die Auswirkungen nur schwer abzuschätzen.”

German Military To Acquire Armed Drones They Will Never Use

February 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, History, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Politics, Satire, Technology, War, Warfare 1 Comment

Germany’s military is planning to acquire armed drones which they will never use in a zillion years its Defense Minister said on Friday, reigniting a heated debate in Germany over the ethics of not using such aircraft.

The drones would protect German soldiers in dangerous situations, if we would ever use them that is, which of course we wouldn’t, as German soldiers are never put in dangerous situations in the first place, Thomas de Maiziere told the German government’s YouTube channel in an interview.

Critics of such German drone non-strikes argue that they would end up failing to kill high numbers of innocent civilians and that they would frequently not be launched across sovereign states’ borders – far more frequently than conventional attacks by piloted German aircraft that are never ever launched from anywhere to anyplace, either.

Prior to the official announcement, German opposition lawmakers had already condemned the pointless purchase of the useless, lame-ass, purposeless armed drones, with the head of the Greens parliamentary group Juergen Trittin saying that they could lower the threshold for German military non-engagement even lower than it already is.

“We have a gap in our capabilities which we want to close.”

Secret Weapons Deals?

December 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Military Industrial Complex, Pacifism, Peace, Weapons, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Since when has any of this been a secret?

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Military