Creepy Corn Coming (And I Don’t Care)

February 11, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: 1507, Bees, Corn, Food, Genetically-Modified Food, German, Germans, Germany, GM Food, Humor, Protest, Satire, Science 3 Comments

Ghastly, genetically modified creepy corn.

Creepy corn without a name. Creepy corn that isn’t even spelled with a capital K. Corn so creepy that it only has a creepy number; the nasty and nightmarish 1507. Corn devised in some creepy laboratory somewhere in the United States of Creepy Amerika.

Insect-resistant, creepy, nameless and K-less corn. Creepy corn that Germans dressed up like bees simply must say Nein! to. Corn that must be stopped at all costs.

Corn declared safe by the European Food Standards Authority. But still.

“Wir erkennen die Vorbehalte des Großteils der Bevölkerung gegenüber der grünen Gentechnik an.”

Shia LaBeouf Now No Longer Famous

February 10, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Films, Hollywood, Humor, Notoriety, Satire, Shia LaBeouf, Stars Leave a comment

And all it took was a short visit to the Berlinale in Berlin.

He certainly knew what he was doing. The films that they play here are no longer famous, either.

Dieser Eintrag im Berlinaleblog ist nicht leicht gefallen. Denn er wird genau das bewirken, was der Autor eigentlich kritisieren will: Dass es in der modernen Mediengesellschaft eine wirkungsvolle Strategie ist, durch Pöbeln und Rüpeln Aufmerksamkeit zu erzeugen.

Goethe OK, But The EU ITSELF?

February 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Angela Merkel, Cold War, Diplomacy, Fack ju Göhte, Films, Humor, Leaks, Obscenity, Russia, Satire, The F-Word, Ukraine, Victoria Nuland 1 Comment

As if NSA surveillance, Google Street View (and Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, etc.), scary drone technology, unbridled imperialism, world domination and McDonald’s were not enough already, a well-intended leak has shown that American diplomats are now even using bad four-letter words when referring to the EU and other sacrosant international-like institutions, too.

And the Chancellor HERSELF is really pissed off about this one this time. Eavesdropping on her cell phone is one thing, but using the F-word is “absolutely unacceptable.”

Of course, how German officials were even able to find out about the story is a bit of a mystery to me. The four-letter word in question is not allowed through their porno censorship system.

U.S. officials blamed Moscow for the Internet leak of recordings of Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland and the U.S. ambassador in Kiev discussing a possible future government for Ukraine, where Washington and Brussels back anti-Kremlin demonstrators.

PS: Talk about stealing candy from a baby. Thieves had no problem breaking into a Bundeswehr barracks in Seedorf (no, it’s not in Afghanistan) and stealing 28,000 rounds of ammunition.

NSA Hysteria Good For Business

February 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, IT Industry, NSA, Paranoia, Profit, Satire, Security Leave a comment

IT business here in Germany, I mean.

Funny how that is. Makes a body wonder sometimes if helping to keep folks all hot and bothered like this about our latest “devastating crisis of confidence” is maybe sort of, I dunno, intentional or something? You know, as in profitable intentional?

I know, I know. German media and industry have higher standards than that and would never try to take advantage of a situation like this but look, if everybody else out there is going to keep going hysterical and paranoid about this novel issue of ours then I can start speculating, too. Hmmm. Now Snowden isn’t a German name, is it? Eduard certainly is, though.

“Our best marketing employee is Edward Snowden.”

Here’s Another One Of Those “You Must Have Confused Me With Somebody Who Gives A S#?$&”T!”

February 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, André Schmitz, Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Mismanagement, Politicians, Satire, SPD, Tax evasion Leave a comment

So. Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit knew for quite some time now that his SPD Culture Minister buddy André Schmitz had some funny money hiding in Switzerland (everybody‘s doing it these days) and just pretended that this problem would eventually go away all by itself. Well it didn’t, of course, and Schmitz has now had to resign and the mayor is in deep Scheiße about this right now or something, right?

Well any other politician would be but you clearly don’t understand with whom we’re dealing with here (unless you do understand). This is Klaus Wowereit HIMSELF (some call him Wowi – with that “v” sound, of course). This is the same guy who “did” the Berlin Airport that still hasn’t been done yet and will end up costing eighty-five quadrillion bazillion euros before it ever does get done, if at all.

Do you think there have been any consequences for that? Hardly. If anything, Wowereit got rewarded for his Engagement (commitment) by being put right back on as the “new” chairman of the board of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport Company after the “old” one had proven just how clueless he had been and had been forced to leave (that had been Klaus Wowereit too, of course).

Why is this guy always free from sin? Beats the hell out of me. There’s teflon, dann kommt eine ganze Weile gar nichts (then you can go on for a long, long while – way past normal teflon), and then there’s Klaus Wowereit teflon. He’s on his ski vacation right now and simply couldn’t be bothered by any of this. And he’s laughing his ass off all the way down the slopes I bet. Damn. Nice job if you can get it.

Kann ein Kinderschänder ein guter Bildungsminister sein?

Germans Not Corrupt

February 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Alice Schwarzer, Bribery, Corruption, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Politicians, Satire, Sleaze 1 Comment

Just kind of sleazy.

Corruption across the European Union’s 28 countries costs about 120 billion euros ($162 billion) per year — a “breathtaking” sum equal to the EU’s entire annual budget, EU Home Affairs Commissioner Cecilia Malmstroem said Monday.

But Germany gets top marks from the commission: “When it comes to fighting corruption, Germany is amongst the best countries of the EU.” But the country could benefit from introducing “strict penalties” on corrupt elected officials and “develop a policy” to limit the ability of government officials to go work for companies they previously were in a position to help.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

February 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, Employment, Free Lunch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Retirement, Satire, Scams, SPD 2 Comments

Ein Frührentner (an early retiree). Please laugh, but please also be assured that I personally know a German teenager who actually answered this question this way and was NOT joking.

And this really shouldn’t come as a surprise in a country where, according to the latest poll, 53 percent of the employed don’t plan to work past the age of 63 and barely one third of them expect to work until the “official” reitrement age of 65. Or is it 67 now? Wait, or is it 63 doch (after all)?

At any rate, whatever the official German retirement age may be, rest assured that it will not be the age at which the majority of Germans will be retiring.

Ein knappes Drittel will dagegen bis zum regulären Renteneintrittsalter weiterarbeiten.

SPD Not Sozial Enough

January 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Coalition Governments, Communism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Political Parties, Satire, Socialism, SPD, The Left Party Leave a comment

Boy, that didn’t take long. Did you read that part about “social” yesterday?

Hardly in the new coalition government with the CDU/CSU, leading SPD politicians are now already preparing the way for their move to form a new “100% social” one with the Left Party.

These things take time, though. And it’s all about psychology. And timing. OK, the SPD has never been all that good with the timing part but they’re numero uno when it comes to subtle psychological manipulation. OK, not so subtle psychological manipulation. And publishing a paper calling for a “progressive left-leaning reform alliance with an aim to take over in 2017” with the Left Party is just the right ticket. For the start, I mean. Did I mention the timing part?

Für ein “progressiv-linkes Reformbündnis mit einer Machtperspektive 2017” müsse man “die bestehenden inhaltlichen und strategischen Differenzen zwischen allen Parteien links der Union” beseitigen.

Where’s The Money?

January 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cost, Energy Turnaround, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Interventionism, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Satire Leave a comment

All of a sudden. For all of that five-year-plan-renewable-energy-turnaround-ideology-project-like-stuff in Germany, I mean. She is gone, señor.

Or at least more and more German citizens are finally waking up and simply just aren’t prepared to keep on paying ever more for less and less of whatever it was that this so-called energy turnaround of theirs was supposed to be delivering.

That is why Superminister Gabriel (didn’t he used to sing with Supertramp?) is now urging (ordering) German parliamentary lawmakers to start cutting state subsidies for renewable energies – for German industry – because they are rich and capitalistic or something and are therefore evil (he’s an SPD Superminister) and haven’t really been milked properly for this one yet. And the po folks just aren’t willing to keep paying more and more, like I said [By the way, the S in SPD stands for “social” and everything with “social” in it means “free lunch.” Read Margaret Thatcher’s quote down there on the right if you want to learn more.].

Of course why the energy turnaround has to keep on turning around the way it does like this in the first place is the really interesting question here, I find, but certainly not one that anyone here in Germany appears to be willing to ask. At least not quite yet anyway.

Yup, renewable turnaround money has sure gotten tight around here these days. Not even a Swabian housewife can help out anymore.

“We need to break the dynamics of ever-rising electricity bills, while ensuring a stable supply of energy for all.”

A 13.2 Pound Baby?

January 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Babies, Berlin, Birth, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Medicine, Miracles, Satire, Wunder 1 Comment

Born in Königs Wusterhausen near Berlin? Yeah, I’d say that’s a Wunder, too.

It’s a Wunder that the mother survived.

Der Chefarzt der Gynäkologie und Geburtshilfe, Rüdiger Müller, sprach von einem “medizinischen Wunder”, weil die weibliche Anatomie nicht auf ein solches Gewicht eingestellt sei.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Satire