Michael Moore Moved By German Kindness

February 18, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hideology, High Art, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Documentaries, Films, Michael Moore, Migrants, Milton Friedman, Movies, Refugees, Videos, Where to Invade Next 2 Comments

But only about a centimeter or two.

He’s a really big guy, see?

In a special wide-screen video appearance made especially for this year’s crappy Berlin Film Festival (Moore’s own latest crappy film, “Who to Offend Next,” oops, I mean “Where to Invade Next” is being shown here but he unfortunately cannot attend due to pneumonia and being a really, honking hefty dude, like I said) the annoying loudmouth commended Germany for its “kindness towards refugees, which has moved me and millions of Americans.” But, hey. Somebody’s got to do it, I guess.

Wanna see an even better Michael Moore video? When he was skinny, I mean?

Eure Großzügigkeit und Güte gegenüber Flüchtlingen haben mich und Millionen Amerikaner bewegt. Und ich weiß, es gibt Probleme.

Meryl Streep Wants More Inclusion

February 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Festivals, Films, Hollywood, Humor, Inclusion, Meryl Streep, Movies Leave a comment

As Berlin Film Festival Jury head, that is. In industry and politics, I mean. And the Berlinale is just the place to, uh, want that kind of thing, or something.

You know, more women, more people of non-white color, more transgender cats and dogs, more environmentally friendly refrigerators, stuff like that needs more inclusion. Who would disagree? Who even could? And we’re talking inclusion as in diversity here, people. NOT assimilation.

Sadly, things that are definitely not included in the inclusion here – here at the Berlin Film Festival, I mean, the Berlinale, that is, the reason why this lady from Hollywood is here in the first place – are films that anybody/anything in his/her/its right mind might ever possibly want to see.

“The thing I’ve noticed from my different roles is there is a core of humanity that travels right through every culture. And, after all, we’re all from Africa, originally. We’re all Berliners. We’re all Africans, really.”

Leftest Violence Still As Harmless As Ever

February 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Arson, Berlin, Crime, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Language, The Left, Vandalism, Violence Leave a comment

Ah Berlin. I love the smell of barbecue ignition chemicals in the morning.

In the past seven days, the extremists proved true to their claim, starting what could be the most destructive single anti-gentrification action any city in Europe has yet seen. On Saturday, a gang of 40 masked vandals smashed up 28 cars in the area near central Potsdamer Platz, leaving some of them in flames. Attacks continued the following night in the southwestern district of Neukolln, when at least 20 more cars were damaged and shop windows smashed in.

But don’t worry, folks. The Deutsche Welle reassures us that in the wake of two spates of property damage by extremists in Berlin, some news outlets and politicians have warned of a rise in “leftist violence.” But the long-term stats do not bear this out.

Well if it’s only a protest against gentrification, then alles klar (say no more). Why didn’t you say so in the first place? We thought it had something to do with property rights, respect for the law and senseless violence and vandalism again.

The vandals’ weapon of choice is a disposable tinfoil barbecue set of a sort that many German stores sell for use as summer grills in the park.

Tank About It

February 8, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Angela Merkel, Carneval, Cologne, Floats, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Mardi Gras, Parades Leave a comment

It’s that jolly, merry, drunken Karneval season again, folks.

And this tank float here got labeled the “Imtaler Asylum Defense.” Uh oh, we’re gonna get letters… Officials are even looking into hate crime charges.

For some reason, however, this float here is perfectly OK. I guess because Angie’s on it. It’s called “Refugee Wave.”

Ein Panzer-Motivwagen mit der Aufschrift „Asylabwehr“ hat bei einem Umzug in Bayern für Empörung gesorgt. Die Behörden ermitteln jetzt wegen Verdacht auf Volksverhetzung. Auch die Aktionen anderer Vereine wurden als fremdenfeindlich kritisiert.

Now We’re Back To Traditional German Numbers Again

February 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Language, Merkel, Migrants, Polls, Popularity, Refugees, Surveys Leave a comment

Germans don’t generally like any of this namby-pampy, 50/50 stuff when it comes to opinion poll percentage results. Not like the way we often have them in US-Amerika, for instance.

Germans like something they call Klarheit (clarity). They always want to know wie der Hase läuft (how the rabbit is running or which way the wind is blowing). Most Germans (80%+?) are still infatuated with our El Presidente, for instance. To this very day. 80%+ would also support the promise of free beer, which pretty much comes down to the same thing, come to think of it (there is no such thing as free beer and El Presidente never happened either, of course).

So it did my heart good to see that the number is also back up over the 80% mark (and climbing) when it comes to how they feel about their own El Presidente, only she’s a Chancellorente, and a girl: 81% of Germans say Merkel has made a mess of the migrant situation as her popularity hits five-year low.

This is a good thing, I find. If only for the Klarheit. And the rabbit on the run.

„Dann ist das nicht mehr mein Land“, hat Angela Merkel gesagt, als man ihr vorwarf, die Flüchtlinge in Deutschland allzu freundlich zu empfangen. Jetzt scheint der Gedanke wahr geworden zu sein.

Berlinale Increases Security To Protect Crappy Films

February 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, Berlinale, Film, Film Festivals, German, Germans, Germany, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, Satire, Security, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

With the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe on the rise, organizers at the Berlin International Film Festival are worried that frustrated patrons might actually take action for once and are beefing up security big time this year.

“All measures essential to ensure the safety of these pretentious films of ours from any possible attacks carried out by radicalized festivalgoers and other unwanted guests are being implemented as we speak,” a spokesperson said, more like snarled. “Albeit in an inconspicuous and unobtrusive manner. Not like the way we organize the rest of our awful festival, I mean.”

Wird es auch spezielle Vorführungen für Flüchtlinge geben?

Alles wie Immer*

January 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Hype, Journalism, Keywords, Language, Media, Refugees Leave a comment

When it comes to reliable news sources, I mean – ‘Refugee’: A keyword that gets German media every time.

Let’s see. Here’s what’s coming out of German media outlets these days: A dead refugee who isn’t, a thirteen-year-old girl raped by refugees who wasn’t and a hand grenade attack at a refugee facility done with a hand grenade that doesn’t explode… Tell me when to stop or something.

Police said the grenade still contained its explosives but it was not clear whether it still had a detonator. Forensics experts are investigating.

* alles wie immer means the same as always.

German Angst Is Back?

January 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 1 Comment

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

The Freak Show Must Go On

January 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin Fashion Week, Berlin Mode Salon, Catwalks, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Language 4 Comments

Runway? No way. Me prefer run away instead.

At the Berliner Mode Salon, a sub-event at Berlin Fashion Week , established and young German designers are putting their best face, and designs, forward.

But remember to wear some Mundschutz (a surgical mask) if you attend, folks. There’s some really gross sounding contagious disease spreading like wildfire over there. It’s called gender fluidity. And I, for one, DO NOT want anybody to tell me how I can tell if my fluidity has become gender or not.

Gender fluidity is at the heart of Berlin’s style, ethos, and history. Unisex garments, cross-dressing, and celebrations of androgyny have been prevailing statements in Berlin’s ateliers and on its streets since the city’s cultural inception.

German Tornadoes Useless At Night?

January 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Afghanistan, Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Julian Reichelt, Syria, Terrorism, Tornadoes, Ursula von der Leyen, War 1 Comment

So what? They’re pretty worthless during the day, too.

In a new humiliation for Germany’s defense ministry, the six Tornado airplanes that had been touted as a much-needed German contribution to the fight against “Islamic State” terrorism are outfitted with lighting far too bright for pilots’ eyes.

Meanwhile… Ursula von der Leyen: “The Bundeswehr fights against ISIS in Syria and the Taliban in Afghanistan.”

Fights?

Germany stands in the way in the fight against ISIS!

In Syria the Bundeswehr does not “fight” at all. The Bundeswehr leaves the fighting to others (politically intended), for instance to the Kurds or the Americans, the French and the British. Kurdish troops fight on the ground against ISIS, having been furnished arms by Germany…

Nor does the Bundeswehr “fight” in Afghanistan, not for a long time now. It has pulled out of all contested areas. Since then the Taliban rules there – undisturbed by the Germans…

Many German soldiers have fought and died or ruined their health in Afghanistan. It is simply not fair to them to claim that the Bundeswehr “fights” anywhere against the Islamic threat.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes