It’s Magic

Wow. The refugees have suddenly stopped coming to Germany. Just like that.

Refugees

All it took, the German government (and government media) tell us today, was Angela Merkel’s strong leadership and the EU’s agreement with Turkey to return migrants who cross the Aegean Sea to Europe illegally. Well…

Most experts, however, say the deal with Turkey, the main plank of German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s plan to reduce refugee flows to Europe, had nothing to do with the fall in numbers since it has only been implemented for a few days. Rather, they say the decrease is mainly due to the closure of national borders by countries on the migrants’ Balkan route, a policy Ms. Merkel has vehemently opposed.

That’s right. This is the same German government (and government media) that said that putting stringent border controls in place wouldn’t and couldn’t solve the problem. So I guess, well, uh… Go ahead. You do the math.

Once again: Thanks, Austria. Sometimes – even in ze Europe – just making things happen is the best way to go.

Flüchtlinge: Zahlen sinken drastisch

Speaking Of State Control…

There may not be any punishment here for producing awful television shows but if YOU get sassy and don’t pay your GEZ TV tax (or “mandatory fee,” as the tax collectors prefer to call it) you can go to jail.

GEZ

I’m not making this up. All German households must shell out 17.50 euros ($20) a month to watch great entertainment like Traumshiff, Lindenstrasse and Tatort, Tatort, Tatort as well as be submitted to propagandistic-indoctrination-like nightly news programs à la the Tagesschau by those good old fashioned unelected and nameless state TV official folks over there at the ARD and the ZDF (exhale now). Or else.

A woman was freed from prison after a court in Chemnitz had admitted that they had kept her in custody for 61 days because of her refusal to pay the GEZ fees.

Regional state broadcaster MDR applied for an arrest warrant against Sieglinde Baumert in September 2015 in an attempt to force her to sign a statement about her assets, which she refused because, as she told “Die Welt” newspaper, “With my signature I would confirm the legality of the mandatory fees.”

“I feel patronized, I get the decision taken away from me about what I’m paying my money for.”

Censorship Is For Everyone

Just like Liebe.

Rammstein

Hey, you know the deal here in Germany: Anything that is not expressly allowed is strictly forbidden. Or at least very, very, very suspicious. You know, like free speech?

Rammstein has filed a lawsuit against Germany for having temporarily indexed the album “Liebe ist für alle da,” said a spokesperson of the Bonn Regional Court on Monday (04.04.2016). The rock band is seeking 66,000 euros (nearly $75,000) in damages.

In 2009, the Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Persons, a German governmental agency responsible for listing works that could potentially harm youths, had decided that one of the songs of the album, “Ich tu dir weh,” as well as the pictures in the booklet accompanying the CD, were “brutalizing” and “immoral.” The entire album was indexed.

Once a work gets listed by the organization, it may not be advertised and can only be sold under strict conditions – limiting its potential success.

Ist alles, was nicht ausdrücklich verboten ist, erlaubt?

Yoga Spend The Rest Of Your Life In Prison

Or at least a year or two of your life, if it’s a German prison. Maybe longer, even. But only if they keep you in for good behavior.

Yoga

Talk about your shocking, sickening and thoroughly unacceptable prison conditions.

The inmate conditions found at Heidering Prison about 20 miles south of Berlin, Germany would shock most Americans. The prison is surrounded by fences, not walls. The hallways are filled with light and inspiring views of the countryside beyond the perimeter. Thought-provoking artwork by inmates is on display. Prisoners walk the grounds in street clothes, practice yoga, take classes, and cook meals for themselves.

“I’ve been on a Google campus for other stories, and frankly, it reminded me very much of it.”

The Best Of Both Worlds

It’s a win-win situation for Germany again.

Austria

Austria solves the Germans’ refugee problem but they can still bitch and moan about how awful Austria is for having put up the mean and nasty border fence that did the solving. Once you’ve climbed the moral high ground you never come down, I guess.

Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia and Macedonia have all brought in no-nonsense measures over the last few months which have sealed up the Balkans route and dissuaded tens of thousands of migrants from making the journey north from Greece.

Astonishingly, beleaguered Mrs Merkel has persistently railed against the reintroduction of border controls, even though they may end up saving her career as Germany’s leader.

Die Alleingänge müssen enden.

Data Protection, Data Protection, Data Protection…

This mantra is suddenly not quite as effective as it used to be in Germany.

Data

“We have to expect a long period of terror. London, Madrid, Paris, now Brussels. Even German cities will not be spared in the long run. So far, we have been lucky”, stated Rainer Wendt, chief of the German Police Union at newspaper Passauer Neue Presse.

On this frame, German politicians ask for an increased exchange of information between European authorities, in a country that is really sensitive over privacy issues and has some of the strictest rules on privacy and data protection in the world, partly as a heritage from Germany’s surveillance history through the East German and Nazi dictatorships.

“The best remedy against such attacks is information exchange,” stressed Germany’s Interior Minister Thomas de Maizière.

And remember all the NSA, “friends don’t spy on friends” hysteria? U.S., Germany eye ways to deepen cyber collaboration

De Maizière will an die “Datentöpfe.” “Datenschutz ist schön, aber in Krisenzeiten hat Sicherheit Vorrang.”

Spontaneous German Response To Brussels Attacks Hits ISIS Terrorists Where It Hurts Them Most

In their hurts-to-laugh muscle or the so-called “intercostals” located right here, between the ribs, that’s where.

Love

Pictures of smiling people raising a glass to the camera bloomed across social media in Germany on Tuesday, in a spontaneous response to the Brussels attacks…

The “here’s to love” hashtag was launched by a social media editor at Spiegel Online, who posted a picture of herself on Facebook holding a glass with the caption “Here’s to love, listening to one another, respecting oneself and others, being honest, shouting, screaming, talking about everything and drinking, to kissing and confetti, to life and freedom.”

Netz-Reaktionen auf Brüssel: „Gestern und heute wollte es #AufDieLiebe trinken.“

Don’t forget, jihadis: Because the rib cage contracts rapidly during laughing (as with coughing and sneezing), sharp pain can result if there are trigger points in your intercostals. Luckily, relieving these trigger points is often straight forward and fairly simple. Read here to find out more!

Trump, Trumper, am Trumpsten

Am Trumpsten means “the most Trump-like” in German. Well it does now. I just made that up. That’s the cool thing about German. You can make up words right and left (in this case right?) and no force in the universe can stop you.

AfD

Anyway, it’s state election time in Germany today and Germany has a Trump-like problem. Germany’s Trump-like problem: Right-wing, anti-foreigner movement poised for big election win.

The problem has the same root cause the American Trump-like problem has, too. Nobody “up there” takes the worries of these folks “down here” seriously, particularly with regard to the refugee crisis. It’s time to dish out some punishment, see? This anger won’t lead to anything constructive, of course, but nobody who votes for the Trumps of this world thinks that far ahead or very much cares. Get your popcorn ready. It’s gonna be ugly.

„Die AfD könnte deutlich besser abschneiden als erwartet.“

Fukushima Five Years Later: Everything The Germans Feared Has Come True

Well, not really. Actually, none of it has. But still.

Fukushima

Let’s see… The reactor is under control – still. There are no cancer deaths or deformed babies to report after the radiation in Japan. Not one. The UN (UNSCEAR) even predicts that there will be no significant increase in the cancer rate in the area at all. The exclusion zone around Fukushima keeps getting smaller and smaller. Japan is not saying no to nuclear energy. Im Gegenteil (on the contrary): After a short break, Japan has returned wholeheartedly to nuclear energy. France and America never contemplated doing away with nuclear energy. Of all the countries that have access to nuclear energy, only Germany has taken such drastic action.

By the way, the fish in the waters around Fukushima have no more higher level of radiation than the fish found in the North Sea. Put that in your Spiegel and smoke it.

But the Atomausstieg (nuclear phase-out) – in Germany – was certainly worth it (this is what Germans still repeat to themselves before going to bed each night).

Well, maybe “worth it” isn’t quite the right term to use, taking into account the outrageous wind and solar energy subsidies that have driven/are still driving energy prices up through the roof here in Germany. But other than that, though, everything seems to be going to plan.

I’ve just got to ask: Are these the same people who planned Germany’s refugee policy, too?

Japan auf Jahrzehnte verseucht, Hunderte verstrahlt, Unzählige an Krebs gestorben. So stellte man sich die Folgen von Fukushima vor. Doch vieles ist anders gekommen.