Category Archives: High Art

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

August 3, 2016 By in High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“I always knew that German tourists were a laugh a minute but this number here nearly KILLED me!”

Stunt

Five young German women were arrested after a flash mob stunt at a Spanish resort sparked a terror alert, police said Wednesday (Aug 3).

The five caused a stampede in Platja d’Aro in the northeastern region of Catalonia late Tuesday when one of them pretended to be a celebrity and the rest chased after her, whooping and screaming as they tried to snap her paparazzi-style…

Eleven people needed treatment for bruising and panic attacks.

The stunt occurred on the heels of an assault in the French Riviera resort of Nice on July 14 in which a man killed 84 people by ramming them with a truck.

Angeblich sollte dabei die Verfolgungsjagd eines Prominenten durch Paparazzi simuliert werden.

Money For Nothing

August 1, 2016 By in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

But no chicks for free.

Debt

Speaking of debt… Here’s the state of the state today, folks. If you’re not one of us, if you’re the German government, for example, you can actually make money with your debt.

The German state profited from incurring more debt in the first half of this year, a newspaper report showed on Monday.

State bonds issued with negative interest rates flushed around 1.5 billion euros ($1.68 billion) into federal coffers, as total interest spending dropped from 9.7 to seven billion, the “Bild” daily reported.

German government bonds with a maturity of up to 10 years currently carry a negative interest rate, which means investors, who would traditionally expect a return on their investment, actually pay to own them.

Was This The Same Lady Who Threw Away Somebody Else’s “Installation” At Another Museum A Few Years Back?

July 17, 2016 By in Hard Facts, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

An elderly German woman was questioned by police after filling in blank spaces on a crossword puzzle that was being displayed as a work of art at a local museum.

Puzzle

The BBC reports that the 91-year-old woman used a ballpoint pen to write on the work of art titled “Reading-work-piece” by avant garde artist Arthur Koepcke during a senior citizens tour to Nuremberg’s Neues Museum.

If she thought it was rubbish, it means it was. Art should be understood by everyone — including cleaners.

Pokémon Go Away

July 14, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Pah-lease. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Go

Pokémon Go has officially arrived in Germany, and that means you’re going to be on the hunt for at least the next few days/months. But if you’re anything like us, you probably don’t want to give up partying to become a full-time trainer. Fortunately, if you live in Berlin, you can do both, as the city’s clubs have their own wild Pokémon types, gyms and PokéStops. Of course, some are better than others, and that’s why we went out into the field to check out which clubs in Berlin are best suited for the aspiring Pokémaster.

 

Germans Pulling For France In Tonight’s Semi-Final

July 7, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

That’s tonight’s France versus Germany match, folks.

France

“Of course there is more at stake than football. France is feeling its economic weakness and it must look on enviously as the whole of Europe becomes more German.”

“A victory over Germany would be far more than a game won. It would be an act of liberation… A strengthened France helps Europe and the Germans.”

“One heart says France has suffered enough, so many dead from terrorism, the economy is in decline, 10 percent unemployment. France needs some solace.”

I haven’t read otherwise so I’m going to go way out on the limb here and bet you that the French are pulling for France tonight, too.

Die Deutschen selbstbewusst, mit einer seit Langem bewährten Führung, erfolgsverwöhnt nach einschneidenden Reformen, die jetzt schon über ein Jahrzehnt zurückliegen. Also: Klinsmann gleich Schröder und Löw gleich Merkel. Die Franzosen hingegen verunsichert und krisenbelastet, mit einer seit vielen Jahren erfolglosen Führung ohne klare Linie. Ihr heutiger Trainer Didier Deschamps, wie Präsident François Hollande seit 2012 im Amt, wechselt so beständig die Systeme auf dem Platz wie sein Präsident die politische Taktik im Élysée-Palast.

Whaddya Mean 501 German Oddities For Only 99 Cents?

July 2, 2016 By in High Art, Higher Education, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Why that’s almost 5.060606060606061 oddities per penny!

Critics

What a steal.

Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Limited time offer or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, iTunes, etc.

Volkswagen To Build E-Cars

June 16, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

But they haven’t figured out how to equip them with diesel emissions test cheating software yet.

Volkswagen

The sleazy, crooked, dirtball of a company also hopes to introduce more self-driving vehicles in the near future. If those work out, self-purchasing models will be the next logical step. And after that, who knows? The Welt or something.

Volkswagen unveiled a plan for the next decade containing culture change, as it strives to compete in an industry moving towards e-cars, self-driving systems and on-demand mobility – all while it deals with Dieselgate.

Mit Elektroautos in die Zukunft!

German Of The Day: Sprengstoffweste

June 7, 2016 By in Habitudes, High Art, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

That means explosive vest. You know, the kind your run-of-the-mill German industrial metal pyrotechnical hard rock bands use these days?

Rammstein

Damn. This gives pop culture a whole new meaning.

The German shock-rockers have launched their world tour with a bang, with frontman Til Lindemann donning an explosive vest at a Vienna concert. Rammstein are headlining top festivals from Moscow to Buenos Aires.

“Ich muss zerstören, doch es darf nicht mir gehören.”

Dalai Lama Now A German Right-Wing Populist Anti-Immigration Racist Jerk

June 1, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Talk about your politically incorrect behavior. Why this is practically bordering on common sense!

Dalai Lama

In a recent interview with the Frankfurter Allgemeinen Zeitung, the incarnation of Avalokitesvara and the Bodhisattva of Compassion himself, otherwise known as the Dalai Lama, had the unmitigated audacity to weigh in on Germany’s refugee policy, or the lack of it, and like, you know, indirectly criticize it and stuff.

Noting that the moral superpower “cannot become an Arab country” and that “there are too many refugees there in the meantime” and that “these refugees should only be permitted to stay for a limited amount of time before going back to rebuild their home countries,” the brazen Tibetan monk has caused a violent wave of Schnappatmung (wild gasp-like breathing fits) among the morally indignant everywhere. In Germany, I mean. And there’s lots of them folks, believe you me.

Just who does this guy think he is? Other than the freakin’ Dalai Lama, I mean. And he calls himself a Christian man.

“Deutschland kann kein arabisches Land werden.”

German Of The Day: Späti

May 18, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Speaking of Berlin… Finally there’s something this town can do really well: The Spätkauf or “open late” corner shop.

Späti

These late night places are everywhere in Berlin and, as the article linked to here rightly points out, “The Spätkauf in Berlin is not just an opportunity to go shopping, it’s also a social center for entire neighborhoods.” Or it’s an asocial center at the very least. There are guys at my Späti who seem to spend the whole summer hanging out around there, supporting the local beer industry in the process. Hey, somebody’s got to do it.

Mensch ist man dort, wo sie zu meinem Hund „meine Sonne“ sagen: Der Spätkauf ist in Berlin nicht nur Einkaufsgelegenheit, sondern auch soziales Zentrum ganzer Nachbarschaften.