Voice Analysis Software To The Rescue

Being that over 60 percent of the million or so migrants seeking asylum in Germany do not have any identification papers on them and are not always “open” about where they actually came from, Germany authorities are planning to use speech analysis technology to help straigten this out and thus speed up the asylum seeking process.

Migrants

Migrants from Bavaria, for instance, speak a unique dialect of German that natives of, say, Hamburg or Frankfurt find difficult to understand. Berlin migrants, on the other hand, often speak Berlinisch, a metrolect mixture not always well-received in other parts of the country. This voice analysis software will quickly identify these differences and thus enable authorities to send these folks back to the Bundesland (federal state) they came from. For further processing there, I mean.

“I don’t see how automated software can distinguish whether a person uses a certain word or pronounces it in a particular way because this is part of their own repertoire or because they were primed to do so by the interviewer or interpreter.”

 

Forbidden Terrorist Organization?

So much for Verbote (bans) in Germany.

PKK

On the one hand, nobody has any problem refusing to let Turkish ministers hold pro-government rallies here, but when the outlawed Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) organizes a demonstration with 30,000 protestors carrying their banned party symbols, that ain’t no big deal, either.

How could Erdogan and Co. possibly think that there is a double standard being applied here, right? Wow. Do the Germans really think that this is going to contribute in helping to bring Erdogan under control? Erdogan wins big with this one.

Die PKK ist in Deutschland seit 1993 als Terrororganisation verboten. Erst vor kurzem hatte die Bundesregierung das PKK-Verbot ausgeweitet und auch das öffentliche Zeigen von Öcalan-Porträts untersagt.

The German Renewable Energy Revolution Is Not Only Expensive

It. like, doesn’t “work.”

Money isn’t everything when it comes to renewable energy here. It has to effectively cut greenhouse gas emissions, too.

Energy

Or it ought to. That is, maybe it could at one point but isn’t doing so quite yet. It will one day, though. Honest. We hope.

Germany’s carbon dioxide emissions rose by 4m tonnes to 906m tonnes, an increase of 0.7 per cent, according to a study by Arepo Consult carried out for the opposition Green party.

The Greens said the figures meant it would become “even harder” for Germany to attain its declared goal of reducing greenhouse gas by 40 per cent by 2020 compared with 1990 levels

Childless Chancellor Concerned About German Reproduction Rate

Distraught by her countrywomen’s rotten reproduction record, childless German Chancellor Angela Merkel has called an emergency demography strategy summit in Berlin.

Population

“What’s with these Luschen (duds)?” The cranky chancellor asked her clueless ministers. “I mean, this isn’t rocket science we’re talking about here. Don’t they, you know, show them films and stuff at school about this, you know, kind of thing? Even I’ve seen films like that, you know. Once, I think.”

I think Germany is below average in terms of the help provided to young people. And Germany is certainly below average in the attitude that women with children should not work. In most countries it was like that 50 years ago but not today. That is just very detrimental to fertility.

Germany Really Pissed Off At Twitter Now

Tired of being called Nazialmanya by unidentified Twitter-types, the nation of Germany is now moving forward at full speed to punish Twitter ITSELF for allowing such reprehensible name calling to take place.

Nazialamanya

“As a country, I have feelings, too,” said the federal parliamentary republic in central-western Europe. “And you can bet that I’m going to see to it that not cleaning up certain types of hate speech like pronto-or-practically-immediately-already will be criminalized because, well, just about everything else here that has not been expressly permitted has already been criminalized, too. So there.”

Hundreds of Twitter accounts from media outlets to celebrities including popstar Justin Bieber, were hacked Wednesday, branded with the Turkish flag and messages being sent out in Turkish.

You Say You Want A Revolution?

An energy revolution? Then pay up front, Germany. It’s going to cost you a zillion dollars and you may not be able to come up with the cash for it later.

Germany

Germany spent 25 billion euros ($26 billion) on renewable energy in 2016, most of which—23 billion euros—consumers paid through a surcharge on their electricity bills. The rise in that surcharge is the single biggest reason that the amount the average German household spent on electricity rose to 1,060 euros in 2016, up 50% from 2007.

German Of The Day: Schwein gehabt

“Having pig” means got lucky, or you had a lucky break.

Essen

Two arrested after Germany shuts down shopping mall over fears of terrorist attack.

The sources said a German man who traveled to Syria to fight alongside the group was the suspected mastermind. He had reportedly been in contact with a number of people in the Essen area to organize the attack, and had also sent them bomb-making instructions via an online chat.

Berlin Doesn’t Need A New Airport After All

You know, the new one that still hasn’t opened yet and perhaps never will? No. Berlin is already number one when it comes to airports. So let’s move on already, people.

Airports

1.  Berlin Schönefeld Airport (SXF) in Deutschland
2.  London Luton Airport (LTN) in Großbritannien
3.  New York LaGuardia Airport (LGA) in den USA
4.  New York J. F. Kennedy Airport (JFK) in den USA
5.  Brüssel Charleroi Airport (CRL) in Belgien
6.  Lima International Airport (LIM) in Peru
7.  Rom Ciampino Airport (CIA) in Italien
8.  Berlin Tegel Airport (TXL) in Deutschland
9.  Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG) in Frankreich
10. Paris Orly Airport (ORY) in Frankreich

Sure, this is a list of the world’s worst airports (according to a survey taken by eDreams), but still. Both of Berlin’s airports under the top ten. Nice try New York and Paris but toodaloo muddafrika…

Zwei deutsche Flughäfen unter den Top 10.

This Is Cruel And Unusual Punishment

If you don’t have an IN-N-OUT Burger or a Wendy’s in the area, I mean.

Prison

Police in the western German town of Bergisch Gladbach have been ordering takeaway McDonalds for inmates after a food supply contract fell through at the start of March, local media reported on Monday.

The inmates of the short term facility are given the choice of a hamburger, a cheeseburger or a veggieburger for lunch and a McToast with cheese, ham and bacon for breakfast, Cologne tabloid “Express” reported. Bigger burgers were reportedly too expensive.

Ein Polizeisprecher nennt die Regelung eine “pragmatische Lösung“. Man habe sich die Frage stellen müssen, wer in der Lage sei, “sieben Tage die Woche, morgens, mittags und abends Verpflegung zu stellen”.