German Forests Dying Again

And again, and again…

Forest

The first big German forest death that I remember was way back when in the 1980s. It was caused by something they called “acid rain” and this led to the Waldsterben or “forest death” epidemic, or Waldsterben 1.0. It was a terrible death and a dog gone shame.

But now, with Waldsterben 2.0 in the year 2019, German forests (already dead) are dying again, only this time it’s due to climate change (extreme heat, storms and new insect plagues). RIP or something.

Flash forward three decades and, to the untrained eye, Germany’s forests resemble that man in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: not dead yet.

Inexpensive Meat?

We’ll fix that for you real quick. For your own good, of course.

Meat

Germany: ‘Meat tax’ on the table to protect the climate – meat is relatively cheap for consumers in Germany. But that could all be about to change as lawmakers from across the political spectrum back proposals aimed at climate protection and animal welfare.

German politicians from the Social Democrats (SPD) and the Greens on Wednesday proposed raising the value added tax (VAT) on meat to the standard rate of 19%. Currently, meat is taxed at a reduced rate of 7% like most foodstuffs.

“A meat tax, such as increasing the VAT to 19%, could be a way forward.”

PS: German Oddity 10. Germans have more words for taxation than Eskimos have for snow.

German Of The Day: Igelsex

Go figure. It’s pronounced “eagle sex” but it means hedgehog sex.

Igelsex

Germans kept up at night by noisy igelsex (that’s hedgehog coupling) – Police called out to reports of nocturnal disturbances find hedgehogs ‘having fun.’

I don’t buy it, though. I think these Germans were kept up at night, tossing and turning, worrying about the German economy.

“Germany’s economy is highly dependent on exports, and that’s what’s hitting the German economy now. If the trade conflicts persist for many more years, this will hit Germany very hard.”

A Pattern Is Clearly Emerging

After years, if not centuries of intense observation, German climate scientists have now come to the shocking conclusion that it can get really hot here in the summer.

Summer

“As opposed to the winter  months,” one scientific interviewed said, “where we have observed a significant and prolonged drop in temperatures during the same period we took these measurements, it often happens that some summer days in Germany can get like, you know, hot as hell.” “Yeah,” another scientist colleague added, “and we now believe that this is most likely to take place during the month of July, for some odd reason.”

Germany swelters in record-breaking Europe heat wave – A record high temperature in Germany is forecast to stand for only a day as Europe’s second summer heat wave bites. Ships have been stranded, rail travelers urged to delay trips and tigers fed chicken ice blocks.

German Of The Day: Moralkeule

That means moral club. No, not the kind you join. The kind you wack folks with.

Moral Club

“The ugly German doesn’t wear a steel helmet anymore – he gives the world moral instruction. When a German captain goes to court in Italy the German public opinion (the “folk’s soul”) seethes. Even President Steinmeier disregards international law and grabs the moral club.”

To understand many of the odd views that Germans hold you must understand that Germany is a moral superpower, or at least that’s how Germans behave. Like liberals everywhere, German activists are forever calling on a higher legitimization to justify actions that undermine the rule of law – in this case in another country (how convenient). An activist captain who defied the Italian government’s ban and docked at Lampedusa with forty refugees on board has now become a German folk hero (for fifteen minutes at least).

It appears that when you’re a German moral superman, idealism gives you the morally superior superhero right to break the law for the greater good (sounds vaguely familiar). Just what that greater good is you decide yourself.

Oddly, in this particular case, the heroic types in the limelight never get around to suggesting that the refugees in question be shipped directly to Germany instead. Why doesn’t Germany just airlift them directly to Berlin and bypass Italy altogether? Turn your moral clubs into plowshares already, folks.

Wenn eine deutsche Kapitänin in Italien vor Gericht gestellt wird, beginnt die Volksseele zu kochen. Selbst Bundespräsident Steinmeier vergisst dann das Völkerrecht und greift zur Moralkeule.

 

Saving The Planet The Convenient Way

Lord knows that “saving the planet” from climate change is hard work.

Planet

That is why so many Germans are so “conscientious about the purchases they make, ride bikes and try to reduce their trash and carbon footprint.” They are also perfectly aware of the fact that they “can’t solve the problem on their own,” which us very, well, convenient but “they can force politicians and businesses to act,” which they do, if it isn’t all too inconvenient, that is.

And all of this gives them a good conscience, which is good. A good conscience one must have when one is riddled with guilt. A good conscience one must have when one is driving one’s expensive German non-electric automobile down the autobahn at excessive speeds, for example, or purchasing goods and products grown or manufactured on the other side of the planet being saved and flown in to Germany at dumping prices. A good conscience one must have when one simultaneously exports one’s plastic waste to the other side of the planet while flying off on vacation three times a year to culturally exchange with other cultures about the virtues of saving said planet.

Good conscience and convenience go hand in hand here, in other words. Here, too, Germany is a forerunner and we should look up to their shining example with admiration and humility.

“Sustainability is becoming a ‘quasi-religious’ promise of salvation.”

German Of The Day: Bußgeld

No, that doesn’t mean bus money. It means fine or penalty.

Fine

And that’s what the parents of the kids who have been taking part in Joan of Arc’s, I mean, Greta Thunberg’s wackedelic Fridays for Future (FFF) demonstrations will now have to be paying. At least here in Germany.

German school authorities are starting to get tired of all the truancy going on or something and have begun handing out fines starting at 88.50 euros a pop. Jeepers. That might get FFF-freakin’ expensive before too long, folks.

Eltern von Klimaschutzdemonstranten müssen Bußgeld bezahlen – Seit Monaten demonstriert Fridays for Future für besseren Klimaschutz. Weil das auch während der Schulzeit geschieht, wird in Mannheim das Ordnungsamt aktiv.

“The World Is Crying For More Europe”

That’s odd. I live here and I can’t hear a damned thing.

Ursula

Ursula von der Leyen asks MEPs to back her as first female European commission president- Ursula von der Leyen has championed gender equality in her appeal to MEPs to back her as the first female president of the European commission, telling the European parliament: “We represent half of our population. We want our fair share.”

In a related matter, please take part in this important survey.

“Die Welt schreit nach mehr Europa.”

The Next German Folk Hero Is Born

For fifteen minutes or so, at least.

Folk Hero

Carola Rackete has been lauded as a heroine and decried as a criminal for helping asylum-seekers stranded in the Mediterranean Sea. What drives the 31-year-old German captain of the Sea-Watch rescue boat?

That’s easy. It’s the drug she’s taking: Guilt. Guilt gets people high. At least here in Germany it does. Guilt-induced moral intoxication turns its users from nobodies minding their own business into moral supermen saving the world. Those they claim to help are of secondary importance.

“I have decided to enter the port of Lampedusa. I know what I’m risking, but the 42 rescued people are exhausted. I’m taking them to safety now.”

German Of The Day: Eigentum

That means property. But property doesn’t mean much in Germany anymore. At least not in Berlin under its current “red-red-green” city government.

Property

Another word you might be interested in here is Enteignung.

German officials facing protests and endless complaints about threats to affordable housing in the nation’s capital have decided the solution may be a five-year ban on rent increases and fines as high as $550,000 for violators.

Officials in Berlin, a city of about 3.7 million residents long known for its affordable housing options, announced this week that they plan to temporarily freeze the rents charged on publicly and privately owned apartments in a bid to halt runaway gentrification.

“It will scare away investors who will find alternative markets with less regulation. It’s a socialist and populist attack on the free market and it’s not going to lead to a single new apartment being built.”