Germans Puzzled By Scandinavia’s Innovative New “Identity Checks”

After Sweden moved to introduce so-called “identity checks” for all passengers arriving from Denmark, Denmark, too, has now imposed controls on its southern border with Germany in an attempt to stem the flow of migrants advancing unremittingly from the south.

Denmark

“What do you mean?” asked one baffled and highly underemployed German border authority when told of this. “They like actually demand to see a passport or an ID from every person who wants to enter their country and can even refuse them entry if like, say, they don’t have one? I don’t get it. What would be the point of that?”

“A step in the right direction. Schengen has collapsed. The illusion of external borders has burst. Why does it take such a long time to recognise this?”

German Of The Day: Wutbürger

That means outraged citizens. And although they’ve always been around (Germans are always empört/outraged about something), Angela Merkel’s ongoing open-arms refugee policy seems to be generating more and more of them all the time.

Wutbürger

And whoopee! 2016 just happens to be a big regional election year. Unless things start to change real fast (ha, ha, ha), I wonder who’s going to be getting all these votes? Not.

Originally founded as a eurosceptic movement a few years ago, the party Alternative for Germany (AfD) came close to its demise – until it split in two. Now, it has experienced a surge in public opinion. Euroscepticism is barely mentioned any more; the new party is acting as an anti-refugee party. If elections were to take place today, the AfD would probably enter parliament with a double-digit election result.

Evil US-Amerikan-NSA-CIA-Creeps Still Invading German Privacy (Along With Their French Counterparts)

And kept the new year from starting off with a bang in Munich.

Munich

“According to information obtained by the ZEIT the warning was also based upon information that came out of the USA. The French authorities were then of the opinion that these warnings fit the information they themselves had gathered.”

Nach Informationen der ZEIT beruht die Warnung auch auf Informationen, die aus den USA kamen. Die französischen Behörden seien demnach der Ansicht gewesen, dass diese Warnungen zu Informationen passten, von denen sie selbst gehört hätten.

No “High Abstract Threat” Here

These puppies will blow your fingers clean off.

Silvester
You folks have a Happy New Year anyway!

In der Hauptstadt werden mehrere Hunderttausend Menschen auf einer rund zwei Kilometer langen Feiermeile zwischen Brandenburger Tor und Siegessäule erwartet. Hinweise auf konkrete Anschlagsplanungen in Berlin gebe es nicht, betonte ein Polizeisprecher. Es herrsche aber eine hohe abstrakte Gefährdung.

Lyrics Aren’t Everything

Especially when you don’t have any.

PEGIDA

A wordless song released by the anti-Islam group PEGIDA has knocked Adele off the top off the top of Amazon’s German downloads chart.

The song, Gemeinsam sind wir stark! or Together We Are Strong!, is being sold to raise funds for the protest movement, short for Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of the Occident.

“Unfortunately, the product does not work,” Party-Idiot Patriot wrote. “I have repeatedly listened to the song with friends, but we are neither stronger nor more German.”

Speaking Of Explosions…

Germans typically turn their country into a war zone on New Year’s Eve, blowing the begeezus out of every small to medium-large object they can get their fingers on (fingers included) with big honking fireworks for hours and hours and hours on end. It’s just what they do.

Fireworks

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon how you look at it), they are not “alone” this year and some communities are now banning setting off these fireworks near or on the grounds of the many refugee centers located in Germany now “out of concern about the psychological effects on refugees,” a lot of whom having come here from real war zones. As far as bad ideas from local government go, maybe this one isn’t that bad at all.

In der Ersten Verordnung zum Sprengstoffgesetz heißt es: “Das Abbrennen pyrotechnischer Gegenstände in unmittelbarer Nähe von Kirchen, Krankenhäusern, Kinder- und Altersheimen sowie Reet- und Fachwerkhäusern ist verboten.” Kommunen können darüber hinaus weitere Verbotsbereiche bestimmen.

This Guy Has The Darwin Award In The Bag

Man dies in Germany after blowing up condom machine: A man died on Christmas Day in Germany after he was hit in the head by a flying piece of metal from a condom machine that he and two accomplices blew up in an apparent robbery attempt, police said on Monday.

Darwin

They didn’t give the names of the two accomplices but I’ll bet you a pack of Trojans they were Moe and Larry.

The Darwin Awards recognize individuals who have supposedly contributed to human evolution by selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization by their own actions.

Mit einem selbst gebauten Sprengsatz wollte das Trio wohl an die Einnahmen aus dem Gummi-Automaten kommen.

Now That Christmas Is Over…

We can calmly address this story and all be thankful for not having been subjected to this diabolical madness first hand. It would have been too horrible to contemplate before Christmas Day. What kind of twisted minds think of such things?

Wham

Austrian DJ barricades himself in his studio and plays Wham’s Last Christmas 24 times in a row

Die Tür hatte er mit einer Holzlatte versperrt. Unsere Telefonleitung ist fast zusammengebrochen.“ Stoppen konnte den „Last Christmas“-Wahnsinn erst Kohlhofers kleine Tochter (5). Sie rief im Studio an, bat ihn: „Papa, kannst du bitte aufhören. Du machst alle Leute verrückt.“

German Of The Day: Heulsuse

A “howling Susie” is a crybaby here. You know, like that Palestinian refugee girl who just got granted a three-year residence permit for herself and her family for being one?

Cry

In a related story, hundreds of thousands of refugees all across Germany have suddenly broken out in a spontaneous public fit of sobbing, bawling and bewailing, the likes of which have never ever been seen or heard before in this country (Germans prefer to spontaneously moan, gripe, grumble and lament loudly in public).

Bei einer Veranstaltung mit Kanzlerin Angela Merkel (61, CDU) im Juli brach sie vor laufender Kamera in Tränen aus: Merkel hatte ihr erklärt, dass Deutschland Flüchtlinge zurückschicken müsse, wenn sie keinen Anspruch auf Bleiben hätten. Auch Reems Fall werde ganz normal geprüft und könne so enden.