Have A Merry Muslim Christmas?

If only we could. I thought this was fake news at first but this stuff is for real, folks. Although… What is real anymore, anyway? Fake is real, real is fake. But I digress.


A Muslim student at a German high school in Lüneberg complained about a planned Christmas celebration to be held during class so, well, it promptly got cancelled.

“It’s really difficult for the school administration to find a compromise. One doesn’t want to hold an event just for Christians and exclude other religions.” No, one doesn’t. Does one? Damn. And I wasn’t even aware that we had been excluding all those other religions all those other years in the past, either. I’m not worthy.

And yeah, it’s really difficult alright. It’s clearly really difficult to find school administrators who have any sense these days. Well, at least we know now that school administrators are the same the world over. Except in Muslim countries, perhaps.

“Es ist auch wirklich schwierig für die Schulleitung, einen Kompromiss einzugehen. Man möchte nicht nur eine Veranstaltung für Christen machen und andere Religionen ausgrenzen.”

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The Case Of The Cryptic Cross

Somebody call Sherlock Holmes. Pronto like.


Berlin police and media are clearly puzzled by this unsolvable criminal case. An Afghan wearing a Christian cross was viciously attacked by two young men at S-Bahn station Neukölln after asking him “Why did you become a Christian?”

“We just can’t figure it out,” one investigating officer said later at the scene of the crime. “Why would Germans do such a thing? Sure, Berliners aren’t exactly religious but to just attack some guy because he’s a Christian in a Christian country like this? At least nominally a Christian country, I mean? Too strange.”

“Any ideas who could have done this awful thing?” asked his Partner, Barney. “We’ve asked all the shop owners around here but no one saw a thing. I think we’ll head a few steps down the street to that radical Al-Nur Mosque over there and see if any of those folks know anything. They’re religious at least.”

Laut Experten richtet sich die Aggression von Tätern oft gegen Zuwanderer aus muslimischen Ländern, die sich für den christlichen Glauben entscheiden.

At Least It Didn’t Happen To The Muslims Or The Jews

This is nothing to get cross about or anything, I guess, but the OSCE reports that there were 414 cases of anti-Christian abuse and attacks in Germany last year.


The offences included acts of violence, church desecration and theft.

Zu den erfassten Delikten zählen Gewalttaten, Kirchenschändungen und Diebstahl.

Cross Repels Left-Wing Politicians

Left party and Green politicians have expressed outrage upon learning that Ilse Aigner (CSU), Germany’s Minister of Consumer Protection, has arranged that a so-called “crucifix” be hung on the wall of her ministry’s visitors’ room.


“Not only is this fauxpas a flagrant breach of the much cherished separation of church and state,” the visiting Green politician is said to have said upon discovering the cross, his horrible, unearthly scream cutting through the night as smoke began spurting from his pallid flesh right before the ghastly green creature twisted away in horror and half dove, half fell through the ministry’s crashing window, “But it also insults our secular values and fundamental way of living dead life.”

Frau Aigner has expressed openness with regard to removing the offensive Christian object but insists that she will not budge an inch should it come to further demands to remove the hundreds of garlic cloves or that bucket of holy water she holds ready at all times underneath her desk.

Hintergrund ist offenbar eine Beschwerde aus den Reihen einer Besuchergruppe der hessischen Grünen. Zwei Teilnehmerinnen drückten demnach in einem Brief an die Ministerin ihre “Verwunderung” darüber aus, dass in dem Besucherraum ein “den christlichen Glauben symbolisierendes Kreuz aufgehängt war”.