Talk To The Hands

September 13, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaign Posters, Campaigns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Hands, Humor, Merkel-Raute, Politics, Satire, Steinbruch, Stinkefinger Leave a comment

Or let them talk to you. It’s election time here in Germany. And these images below are forms of German politician hand-speak meant to subliminally woo undecided voters at the last minute. Or at least I can only assume that this is what this is meant to be.

“Volksnah” (in touch with the people) by the SPD.

“Bescheiden” (modest) by the FDP.

And “Ruhig” (serene) by the Chancellor herself.

Fingerspitzen sanft aneinandergedrückt, die Hände formen eine Raute – seit Jahren macht die deutsche Kanzlerin Angela Merkel immer wieder dieses “Geheimzeichen”. Und sie ist nicht mehr alleine…

PS: And everybody seems to be doing that Chancellor one these days.

Drive More Slowly, Take The Bus, Turn Off Your Lights, Turn Down The Heat, Ban Large Livestock Farming…

September 10, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Dictatorship, Ecology, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Paternalism, Political Parties, The Green Shirts, Verbotsrepublik Deutschland Leave a comment

To name just a very few popular (?) German Green initiatives.

“The Greens have this ‘ecological dictatorship’ feeling about them now. I used to always vote Greens. But not anymore. No one likes to be told what to do. It feels like the Greens are going to make everything more expensive.”

“Germans don’t have a sense of humor when it comes to cars and meat.”

The Big Green Machine She Is Broken

September 9, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Ecology, Economy, Elections, Energy, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Polls, Surveys, Taxation, The Green Shirts Leave a comment

Wah? The “energy turnaround” is going to be expensive as hell? Raising taxes? Veggie Day? And the hits keep on coming. I’d ignore the polls these days too if I were a greenie.

The Greens have been consistently bleeding support ever since the spring of 2011. Along the way, they have achieved a few notable successes in state elections, but the trend has been a downward one for over two years. It is as if the German electorate has suddenly decided that the party is no longer needed.

“Der Wahlkampf mit den Rezepten, wie man Kohlrouladen herstellt, ist zu Ende.”

“Syria Tests Germany’s Culture of Reluctance?”

August 31, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Hypocrisy, Irresponsibility, Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, Politics, Syria 1 Comment

Reluctance? No reluctance here. Saying no is the standard German operating procedure in this country. You know that, Karl-Theodor. It’s just good-old German irresponsibility when it comes to international matters that might actually cost them something.

So what’s being “tested?” I don’t get it. Why waste all these words and all this time trying to make something so blood simple appear to be so complicated, Karl-Theodor? No need to explain. This is standard operationg procedure in Germany, too.

In the wake of the chemical weapons attack near Damascus, Western military strikes against Syria seem imminent. And Germany will once again demand a special role.

PS: Important German of the day here: Extrawurst. That means “extra wurst” of course, or special treatment.

German of the Day: Veggie-Klatsch

August 28, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Political Parties, Polls, Satire, Surveys, The Green Shirts, Vegetarians 1 Comment

A smack upside they green veggie heads, in other words.

If you believe the latest voter survey, that’s what the German Greens are getting at the moment.

Seems to have something to do with their recent Veggie Day Offensive. Or maybe it has something to do with their overall everyday offensiveness or another one of their many other offensive ambitious dreams for Verbotsrepublik Deutschland. Hard to say for sure.

NEUE WÄHLER-UMFRAGE SCHOCKT TRITTIN & CO.

Greens Loudly Denounce Disastrous Legislative Blunder Made By Awful German Government Coalition Currently In Power

August 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Elections, Greens, Humor, Politics, Schadenfreude, SPD, Taxation Leave a comment

Only this blunder was made by the Greens themselves during the Red-Green coalition government reign back in 2005.

Hard to believe really, but their 328-page election program “Time for Green Change” actually denounces as “a fatal policy change” the legislation they themselves introduced that increased the percentage of what employees have to pay for their share of the statutory health insurance here (employers pay the rest).

Well, I suppose it is better to realize one’s mistakes late than never and all that, but I’m not sure if that is really what was intended here.

If it wasn’t for Schadenfreude, I wouldn’t have no Freude at all.

“Bei all den erhobenen Zeigefingern gegenüber den anderen scheint kein Finger mehr für saubere Recherche im eigenen Laden frei gewesen zu sein.”

Meat Me At The Barbeque

August 6, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Meat, Paternalism, Political Parties, Politics, Satire, Vegetarians, Veggie Day 2 Comments

How smart was the Green Party’s election pledge to introduce a weekly vegetarian day? Oh, I dunno. But more than 85 percent of Germans eat meat daily or almost daily. So you do the math.

Massive web surveillance by the US? German voters seem to have lost interest. The euro crisis? Boring. Comprehensive minimum wage? Zzzzzz. It has been a somnolent election season thus far. At least until this week. Suddenly, the German electorate is up in arms, furious with a proposal made by the Green Party which, many fear, could violate one of their most cherished rights: that of eating sausage whenever they want.

Veggie Day Will Just Be The Start

August 5, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Cuisine, Elections, Food, German, Germans, Germany, Green Shirts, Greens, Humor, Ideology, Political correctness, Satire, Vegetarians, Veggie Day 4 Comments

If the Greens get their way, I mean.

Although most German works canteens (the place where most working Germans take in their main meal of the day) offer one vegetarian day per week voluntarily already, this is clearly not enough for certain of the more nervous elements pacing the floors at Green Shirt Campaign Headquarters. A federal election is coming up people, so it’s time for a little agitprop sommertime theater already (agitprop Sommerloch theater?).

Once in absolute control – uh, I mean after the coming election in September – the Greens apparantly plan to introduce legislation indroducing “Veggie Day” for the good of all of us, animals included, whether we like our veggies or not (most animals hate them). Like how Organic Bourgeois of them is that?

You see, it’s not like the Greens are into Bevormundung or anything (paternalism, condescension, tutelage, bureaucratic PC dictatorship, etc.). It’s just that they’re into Bevormundung.

One guy from the FDP put it well: “What’s next? Jute Shopping Bag Day? Bike Day? Green Shirt Day?”

“Man muss nicht jeden Tag zwei Burger essen.”

A Pissed Off Germany Will Now Close This Here Listening Station

August 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Eavesdropping, Edward Snowden, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Paranoia, Satire, Spying, Surveillance, Teufelsberg Leave a comment

Among others. So there, Amerika.

Who cares that these things have either already been closed down for years or no longer serve any practical purpose anymore? The German government is now going to demonstratively cancel a Cold War-era surveillance pact with the United States and Britain following concerns about their alleged electronic eavesdropping in Germany.

And who cares that this is clearly a symbolic gesture and therefore has no practical consequences for intelligence cooperation between these countries? It’s election time.

“This is a necessary and proper consequence of the recent debate about protecting personal privacy.”

The details of Anglo-American snooping on German citizens remain unclear and confusing, but many Germans have already bought the “utterly senseless narrative”, as Hans-Peter Friedrich, Germany’s interior minister, lamented this week, that “thousands of Americans are sitting down reading our e-mails and listening to our phone calls”.

German Of The Day: Baden Gehen

July 31, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Ecology, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Jürgen Trittin, Politicians, Politics, Satire, Schadenfreude, The Green Shirts 3 Comments

Yes, baden gehen can mean to go swimming. But it can also mean to go belly-up or to flop horribly.

And that’s precisely what the German Greens’ top candidate Jürgen Trittin just did while taking part in an election “paddle outing” on the river Werra.

Me? Schadenfroh? Hell yeah. But hey, the federal election here is just 53 days away and you know how it is. Politicians just can’t avoid doing dopey stuff like this at times like this. So give him a break or something. And besides, this guy was all wet to begin with anyway.

The real question here is whether or not this is a portent of things to come. You know, for the Greens? We certainly wouldn’t want them to erleiden (suffer) a Schiffbruch (shipwreck) in the coming election, now would we? Or you wouldn’t, I’m sure.

Trittin, der in Göttingen für den Bundestag kandidiert, war mit Parteifreunden vom nordhessischen Witzenhausen bis ins südniedersächsische Hedemünden auf der Werra gepaddelt, um damit für einen Stopp sämtlicher Salzeinleitungen in den Fluss einzutreten.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Elections