Eclipse Faked By Jan Böhmermann

March 20, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Jan Böhmermann, Satire, SoFi, Solar Eclipse, TV, Varoufakis, Videos Leave a comment

That was the sunniest damned eclipse I ever saw, people. What a dud. I think it was faked by Jan Böhmermann.

The row (about the Varoufakis flip off video) took a fresh twist on Wednesday evening when satirical programme Neo Magazin Royale, on a rival channel, claimed that it had doctored the video and uploaded it to the internet.

Host Jan Böhmermann claimed his team had used digital editing software to insert the indecent gesture. Then it showed another clip it said was the original, in which Mr Varoufakis made the same remarks but without the gesture. A regretful Mr Böhmermann told his audience they were behind the “fake” Stinkefinger footage.

It didn’t take long, however, until the fake was itself revealed as a fake.

„Dieser Witz hat nie stattgefunden.”

German Solar Energy To Be Turned Off Tomorrow

March 19, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Solar Eclipse, Solar energy Leave a comment

It’s hard to say how long the grid will be down, though.

So what’s the big deal, exactly? The sun goes down every night, of course, and Germany is quite accustomed to cloudy days. (It gets about as much sunshine as Alaska.) The difference with a solar eclipse is the speed at which sunlight will disappear from, and then return to, the power system. All electric grids operate on the fundamental principle that supply and demand must always be in perfect equilibrium, second by second. That dynamic becomes complicated when so much of your power comes from a source like solar, over which grid operators have zero control. And it’s especially tricky when the fluctuation is so rapid and extreme.

“Eine Sonnenfinsternis gibt es doch jeden Abend.”

Uber And Out

March 18, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Bureaucracy, Consumers, Court Decisions, German, Germans, Germany, Law, Special Interest Groups, Uber, UberPop Leave a comment

Always remember: What is not expressly allowed in Germany is strictly forbidden.

A court in Frankfurt has ruled that the UberPop ride-hailing service may not operate anywhere in Germany for the simple reason that, uh, well, you ought to have an official permit to do so. To be the driver, I mean.

This is a big relief for everybody here because if people didn’t have to have official permits to use the service then anybody could just simply offer or choose to use the service on his or her own, without being regulated. One can’t have that here because this would make the people who would otherwise make the regulations and hand out the permits superfluous and also make taxi driving more competitive and even bring down prices for the consumer, without these prices being properly regulated first, I mean. There are a lot of bad implications here, people. So, like I said, strictly forbidden. Or verboten, if you prefer.

And besides, they spell Uber wrong.

„Ubers Geschäftsmodell basiert auf Rechtsbruch.“

Germans Outraged About Greek Finance Minister Giving Them The Finger

March 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Fingers, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Obama, Steinbrück, Varoufakis Leave a comment

Sort of. Politicians just don’t do that kind of thing, you know.

It undermines their credibility or something.

Appearing on German TV on Sunday, Yanis Varoufakis denied that footage showing him raise his middle finger at Berlin was genuine.

German Of The Day: Neinsager

March 16, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Language, Olympic Games, Olympics 2024, Sports Leave a comment

That means people who always say no first and ask question later. You know, like when it comes to maybe having the Olympics in Berlin in 2024? NOlympia here, folks.

The northern port city of Hamburg was picked on Monday as the country’s preferred choice for a 2024 summer Olympics bid ahead of Berlin, with the German Olympic Sports Confederation’s (DOSB) members to ratify the proposal later this week.

“I coulda been a contender.”

This Takes Putin-Understanding To A Whole New Level

March 15, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Jihadis, Pacifism, Putin, Russia, Ukraine, War Leave a comment

Despite recent drawbacks regarding German esteem levels for Russia, Putin-Understanding still seems to be alive and well in Germany. It’s even become more, I dunno, active-like. More than 100 German citizens have joined the ranks of pro-Russian rebel fighters in eastern Ukraine.

Unlike German jihadis who went to fight with the “Islamic State” in Syria, German citizens participating in the conflict in eastern Ukraine did not have to worry about facing prosecution back home…

There are currently many German youths who post pictures of themselves with weapons and uniforms in the Internet, boasting of their participation in the Ukraine struggle. One German has lost his life fighting for the separatists on February 12, research by the German weekly (Die Welt am Sonntag) revealed.

What About The Male Muslim Teachers In Germany?

March 13, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Court Rulings, German, Germans, Germany, Headscarves, Islam, Islamisation, Religion, Teachers, Teaching 3 Comments

Are they now allowed to wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in school, too? Fair is fair, you know.

Female Muslim teachers in Germany may wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in the school, Germany’s top court has said in a ruling that may fuel debate about what some nationalist groups see as creeping “Islamisation”.

The constitutional court reversed its initial 2003 ban on headscarves for teachers, which had led some German states to forbid Muslim headscarves in schools while permitting the wearing of Christian symbols such as crucifixes and nuns’ habits.

“Ich empfinde das Urteil als Katastrophe. Ich halte das für ein Zurückweichen, für die Preisgabe eines elementaren Bausteins unserer Gesellschaft.”

How Repellent

March 12, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Humor, Paint, Peeing, Sitzpinkler, St. Pauli, Urination, Wildpinkler Leave a comment

To use “ultra-Ever Dry super-hydrophobic” water-repellent paint like that, I mean.

People living in Hamburg’s St. Pauli’s nightclub district are used to hordes of drunken tourists, crime and prostitution but many are fed up with late-night revelers who urinate on public and private buildings.

A local interest group has now applied a special water-repellent paint, also used in shipbuilding, on two especially frequented buildings in the renowned nightclub district near the port to deter ‘Wildpinkler’, as Germans call them.

Ultra-Ever Dry super-hydrophobic was developed by auto-makers Nissan. Its oleophobic nano-coating is water repellant, meaning that those revelers who urinate against it will end up soaking themselves.

And here you thought everybody over here was Sitzpinkler.

Is This That There Nina Who Sang That 99 Red Balloons Song?

March 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Aging, Berlin, Birthdays, German, Germans, Germany, Music, Nena, Nina Hagen, Punks, The Tubes, White Punks On Dope Leave a comment

I didn’t think so.

Another real thing. I mean person. So happy 60th birthday to you, Nina.

Laut, schrill und immer ein wenig zu aufgedreht und ausgeflippt, so kennt man Nina Hagen.

PS: Did Nina Hagen need a quota?

Alarm In Germany: Esteem Level For Russia Now Sinking Dangerously Close To Esteem Level For US-Amerika

March 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Putin, Russia, Satire, Surveys, Ukraine, USA 2 Comments

German political scientists everywhere were stunned at the latest unexpected Infratest dimap survey findings in Germany. For some inexplicable reason, 81 percent of Germans asked have lost their trust in Russia and do not believe that the country respects basic democratic rights.

Unable to explain this unexpected finding, one scientist warns that if this drop in esteem were to continue and surpass the 96 percent mark “we will then have reached the lack of esteem level traditionally reserved for the United States of America, a country we all know to be much more deserving of our lack of esteem although none of us can rationally explain why that is, and this would be a real rotten deal for Russia. And none of us want that.”

Nur 13 Prozent der Deutschen glaubt an das Minsker Abkommen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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