This Book Put The Coffee In Coffee-Table Book

October 26, 2017 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Book Sales, Books, Coupons, eBooks, German, Germans, Germany, Office Plants, Photography, Plants, Sales, Smashwords, The Little Red Book Leave a comment

You’re going to need a whole lot of it. Coffee. Just to leaf through this thing.

Leaf, get it?

I simply must have it. And Christmas is coming up, folks. I mean, you know, if a few of you want to chip in together to get it for me or something…

In Busch’s minimalist compositions and stark, even lighting, the plants look tragic and comedic at the same time. To vivify the interior life of these peripheral office props, the Hamburg-based photographer gave each plant a name and unique personalities, and the “plant portraits” are captioned with wry observations: “Ingrid isn’t giving up” describes a droopy aloe vera on a window sill. “This is Renee, and Renee is keeping a secret,” refers to a slender indoor cactus that’s conceivably been a silent witness to top secret company meetings. And “Ute suffers from daydreaming” is the caption to a parched dragon tree appearing to ponder an escape from its banal captivity.

PS: If you’re looking for more fascinating reading material you ought to give this puppy a try.

German Of The Day: Tapfer

October 25, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Counter-Cuture, Crime, Drug Dealers, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Museums, Political Parties, Racism Leave a comment

That means brave or valiant. Yeah, here’s to you tapfer drug dealers hanging out in the parks of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg.

Only in Berlin, folks. No joke: Somebody over at that district’s museum of local history has set up an exhibition honoring the “undaunted” criminal African drug dealers who carry out their illegal trade despite the slings and arrows of outreageous fortune they are forced to endure like… I dunno. Being pursued by the cops for breaking the law?

Oh yeah, and there’s racism involved, too (there always is). These guys are “in the spotlight of racist animosity” and are the “scapegoats for collective hate” because all they want to do is sell illegal drugs and the system won’t let them do it. Oppression everywhere you look these days, I tell you.

This is an outrage, damn it! That something like this exhibition is possible and it isn’t even meant to be a joke, I mean. Or is it? The more I read this the less sure about it I am.

„Drogendealer leisten einen gesellschaftlich wertvollen und von vielen Menschen geschätzten Dienst – und zwar dort, wo sie gut zu erreichen sind: mitten im Bezirk, vor allem in den Parks.“

PS: Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg is a so-called red-red-green district governed by the Greens, the SPD and the Left Party. Just in case you were wondering.

Which Germany Is This Guy Talking About?

October 24, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Biased Media, Fake News, German, Germans, Germany, Journalism, Media, News Media, State Control 1 Comment

“Why Germany Is Better at Resisting Fake News”

It’s not the Germany I live in. Germans don’t resist fake news, they roll around in it like pigs in the mud. Only they pretend their news is not fake. Their fake news doesn’t stink, in other words. And their fake news is different than our fake news, of course. Maybe that’s why they can pretend it isn’t fake: German fake news is generated by the government broadcasters and funded by taxation for which the viewers have no representation.

Here is a little example recently to give you an idea of what I mean. If 98 percent negative reporting about Donald Trump done by a state-run broadcasting monopoly isn’t fake news I don’t know what is. Germans would be skeptical about 98 percent negative reporting on Hitler. Nobody here bats an eye about this, however. What is there to resist, right?

More regulation of social media, less news consumption from alternative sources and no Fox News.

Berlin’s BER Airport Nonexistent And Too Small At The Same Time

October 23, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Airports, BER, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste 2 Comments

Previously thought to be impossible within the realm of phenomenal reality, airport physisists were more than a little shocked today to discover that Berlin’s infamously nonexistent and still not new BER airport – latest takeoff delay soon to be announced for 2019 – is nevertheless much too small, despite its nothingness.

Too small to ever be a grown-up, major hub-like airport, that is. If it ever were to see the light of day, of course. Which it might not. These are theoretical airport physisists we’re talking about here, in case you were wondering.

Ein Start des BER vor 2019 gilt als unwahrscheinlich. Flughafenchef Engelbert Lütke Daldrup will in diesem Jahr einen Eröffnungstermin nennen.

Israel

October 22, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Israel, Navy, Profit, Sales, Submarines, Weapons Sales Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Meanwhile… All of Germany’s six submarines are currently out of action. The country’s only operational sub had an accident off the coast of Norway on the weekend and was moved into the ThyssenKrupp Marine Systems’ shipyard in Kiel. In that incident, the U-35 had a rudder blade damaged during a diving maneuver.

No, it’s not like Germany merely has an alibi army, or in this case navy, just to justify its lucrative weapon sales. It just looks that way.

The Wild Boar Is The One Without The Gun

October 20, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hostility, Hurt Feelings Tags: Animal Attacks, Bonnie and Clyde, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Heide, Wild boars 1 Comment

I knew that German wild boars were tough hummamuffers but I had no idea they were this tough.

This was like the Bonnie and Clyde of wild boars or something. If you read this report (really, really fast without paying too much attention to the words like I did) you will discover that this pair of pigs robbed a bank, ripped a man’s car off, ate somebody’s finger, then smashed the car before being ambushed by law officers near Sailes, Louisiana.

Looks like they got Clyde, too. Those no good #!?\ß§!s.

Police confirmed on Facebook that two “grown, aggressive wild pigs” have been running through Heide city centre since around 9am local time.

Write This Down

October 19, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hype, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Alarms, Bees, Drama, German, Germans, Germany, Hysteria, Insects, Panic 1 Comment

Let’s do some science and write this down.

New study suggests insect populations have declined by 75% over 3 decades…

A new scientific study has found “dramatic” and “alarming” declines in insect populations in areas in Germany, which researchers say could have far-reaching consequences for the world’s crop production and natural ecosystems.

The science will consist of getting back to me in a year or two, maybe three, if we’re all still around, that is, and reminding me to check into the current numbers about the status of this dramatic decline. You know, just to see how dramatic the dramatic decline was after all? This clearly has the ozone hole, acid rain, Waldsterben (dying forests), BSE (mad cow disease), bird flu, SARS, Elektrosmog (mobile phone radiation), killer bee invasion, drowning polar bears, Ebola pandemic, creepy clowns, chemtrails, creepy clown chemtrails, C02, C02, C02 and Area freakin’ 51 written all over it. If you know what I mean. And you do.

“There’s no reason to think this isn’t happening everywhere.”

Right-Wing Leftie? Left-Wing Rightie?

October 18, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Crying, Fits, German, Germans, Germany, Girls, Hysteria, Political Parties, Politics, Pouting, Resignations, The Left Party, Women 2 Comments

Let’s call the whole thing off.

Here is another tough, emancipated woman in action. Left party crazy Sahra Wagenknecht just heuled (cried) her way through her latest power struggle to stay on top – of her party, of course (they wanted to calm her down a bit because she was going too far right and starting to sound like regular folks on the street – with regard to refugees, for instance).

But how did she do it? By pouting and getting all teary-eyed and hysterical and howling about being mobbed and threatening to resign and leave the party if she didn’t get her way. Wow. I never saw a woman pull that one before. How refreshing. Somebody has to be a trend setter, I guess.

Kipping legt gegen Wagenknecht nach: “Souverän geht anders.”

German Of The Day: Gleichberechtigung

October 17, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, Gender, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Political correctness, Prisons, Sex Offenders 1 Comment

That means equality, emancipation, equal status.

You know, like with prison personnel? Although that’s not quite what this female correctional facility employee got as she accompanied a sex offender during his accompanied prison leave. She got sexually abused instead, before the guy hung himself.

Let women staff accompany convicted sex offenders on the outside? Why, uh, of course. You got to go with the times, bro. Only an outdated primitive like myself would think that maybe that might not be such a terribly good idea.

Wie konnte es zu der schrecklichen Tat in Niedersachsen kommen? Warum musste ausgerechnet eine Frau den verurteilten Triebtäter begleiten?

German Of The Day: Diese Fahrt Endet Hier

October 16, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Farts, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Police Leave a comment

That means this drive or line (as in bus line) terminates here.

Of course a foreign, English-speaking person like yourself might think that it means “this fart ends here.” You know, like the buck stops here only it’s a fart? That would be incorrect, however. So don’t think that.

Over the past 18 months, a crime scandal has been rocking Berlin. It’s one that so far has required the work of 23 officials, necessitated a court appearance, and, this week, provoked protests from a politician on the floor of Berlin’s Senate. It’s the unusual nature of the crime that has provoked such controversy and upset. It wasn’t an act of violence against a person, a case of damage to property, or of fraud. It was, in fact, a fart.

Pups kostet Steuerzahler knapp 87 Euro.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Germans