I say Kartoffel.
Let’s call the whole thing off.
“I can be the most presidential person ever.” But… “Always be more than you appear and never appear to be more than you are.”
Tag Archives: Germans
Berlin Doesn’t Need A New Airport After All
You know, the new one that still hasn’t opened yet and perhaps never will? No. Berlin is already number one when it comes to airports. So let’s move on already, people.
1. Berlin Schönefeld Airport (SXF) in Deutschland
2. London Luton Airport (LTN) in Großbritannien
3. New York LaGuardia Airport (LGA) in den USA
4. New York J. F. Kennedy Airport (JFK) in den USA
5. Brüssel Charleroi Airport (CRL) in Belgien
6. Lima International Airport (LIM) in Peru
7. Rom Ciampino Airport (CIA) in Italien
8. Berlin Tegel Airport (TXL) in Deutschland
9. Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG) in Frankreich
10. Paris Orly Airport (ORY) in Frankreich
Sure, this is a list of the world’s worst airports (according to a survey taken by eDreams), but still. Both of Berlin’s airports under the top ten. Nice try New York and Paris but toodaloo muddafrika…
Zwei deutsche Flughäfen unter den Top 10.
Turks Kick Off New Tourism Campaign To Lure Germans To Turkey By Calling Them Nazis
Its tourism sector taking a real battering this year for some inexplicable reason, Turkish authorities are now attempting to lure German tourists to Turkey by calling them Nazis.
“Please come visit our beautiful country, you Nazi swine,” a representative of President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said yesterday in Berlin. “You are the infidel scum of the earth worthy to be put to a horrible death by slow roasting and will enjoy to the fullest our fascinating culture, stunning beaches and helpful, friendly personnel, all at an unbeatable low price.”
At the ITB fair in Berlin, 132 Turkish companies under the auspices of the Turkish Culture and Tourism Ministry will have the chance to promote the campaign.
This Is Cruel And Unusual Punishment
If you don’t have an IN-N-OUT Burger or a Wendy’s in the area, I mean.
Police in the western German town of Bergisch Gladbach have been ordering takeaway McDonalds for inmates after a food supply contract fell through at the start of March, local media reported on Monday.
The inmates of the short term facility are given the choice of a hamburger, a cheeseburger or a veggieburger for lunch and a McToast with cheese, ham and bacon for breakfast, Cologne tabloid “Express” reported. Bigger burgers were reportedly too expensive.
Ein Polizeisprecher nennt die Regelung eine “pragmatische Lösung“. Man habe sich die Frage stellen müssen, wer in der Lage sei, “sieben Tage die Woche, morgens, mittags und abends Verpflegung zu stellen”.
Two From Togo To Go?
Two violent and drunken asylum seekers from Togo (Syrian migrants, I assume) who smashed up their asylum center because of the lousy mobile phone reception there?
To go back home to Togo, I mean? Right. Wahrscheinlich (probably).
A German police officer has been severely injured in a weekend riot by drunken refugees armed with iron bars who smashed their accommodation centre to smithereens. Two men from Togo and six from Ghana went berserk at their asylum home in Rees-Haldern, near the Dutch border a DAY after moving in because they were ‘unhappy’ with their quarters.
„Die Infrastruktur gefiel ihnen nicht und es gibt dort wohl Netzprobleme was den Handyempfang angeht.“
Can I Have My False Pleasantries Back?
German facial expression of the day: Staring.
Oddity 34. You know you are in Germany when you regularly find yourself being stared at for no clearly discernible reason. I don’t know if Germans necessarily like to stare but they sure do it a lot. A nice term a friend of mine prefers using is “unfiltered curiosity” but it’s staring all the same.
But it’s a wonderful trait: Firstly, you know the person is listening intently (they really are); secondly, since it’s very difficult to look someone in the eyes and speak coherently and come up with pleasant little white lies, the false pleasantries vanish and the conversation becomes honest and true – leading toward a final deep dive into the other’s soul.
Abdalfatah H. A. Will Not Tell Germans What The H. A. Stands For
And with good reason. His true identity might be used against him. He is a Syrian refugee who just got arrested on suspicion of having committed war crimes.
As we all know, Germany will allow anybody from anywhere in the world to enter the country as a Syrian refugee (no passport or other identification needed) but being a war criminal who is believed to have killed 36 people might slow down his asylum seeking process considerably. And that would be inhumane.
German police are currently investigating some 30 cases linked to war crimes committed in Syria and Iraq.
Is That All You Could Find?
501 German oddities?
I know, I know. There are way more than that. Just consider these 501 oddities to be, you know, Oddities 101 or something.
“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”
Limited time ebook offer or something, folks. Also available at Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, etc.
Living Up To Contractual Obligations Causing Angst
Concerned about possibly turning Germany into a military superpower again by raising its defense spending from 1.3 to 2 percent of its gross domestic product (as agreed to by Germany many years ago in NATO), Germany’s foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) says that this could cause angst elsewhere in Europe, and most certainly at the German ministry of finance, and therefore maybe ought to be put off for an other 10 to 15 years or so. Or maybe longer. It all depends.
Angst is a terrible thing, people. And so is Verarschung (being bullshited). But angst is worse, I guess.
“Für Deutschland unrealistisch.”
Germans Think Renewed Storming Of Reichstag A Bad Idea
Disturbed about Moscow’s plans to have hordes of young Russians storm the German Reichstag, concerned politicians in Berlin wish to stress that this could led to a dangerous militarization of Russia’s youth.
“Friends just do not storm friends,” one top official said, also noting that a new attack upon the German capital would only contribute to a further deterioration of Russia’s relationship with Germany, a relationship that is growing increasingly estranged at the moment. Russian politicians could not be reached for comment as the Russian capital has been moved to a secret location due to fears of an imminent German youth attack.
“Oh, this Reichstag is in Russia somewhere?” another top official asked later, finally figuring out that this is all just a big game. “That’s pretty deplorable, too.”
The replica of Berlin’s historical Reichstag, which has housed the seat of Germany’s parliament since 1999, will be built in “Patriot Park” and be used by the Russian youth movement, called “Junarmija” or “young army.”
Observing Hermann 