A Deal Is A Deal

July 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Cover-Ups, German, Germans, Germany, Intelligence, Iran, Nuclear Technology, Obama, Sellups Leave a comment

And boy oh boy what a great deal did Iran ever make.

Iran continued trying to illegally procure nuclear equipment from Germany after forging last year’s landmark nuclear agreement with world powers, German intelligence officials said, even as the Foreign Ministry in Berlin and the White House played down the reports…

Germany’s intelligence agency said in its annual report Iran’s persistent efforts to illegally acquire nuclear technology in Germany continued at a “high level” during 2015.

A separate report from the intelligence agency in the state of North Rhine-Westphalia this week said it had registered 141 attempts to acquire technology for proliferation purposes last year, and that two-thirds of these attempts were linked to Iran.

Thanks El Presidente! They couldn’t have done it without you.

“We have no information to indicate Iran has procured any materials in violation of the” deal, a senior Obama administration official said.

Germany Passes Stricter Rape Law That Won’t Be Enforced Any More Stricter Than The Strict Rape Law Before It Was

July 8, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Enforcement, German, Germans, Germany, Judges, Laws, Legislation, Migrants, Politicians, Rape Leave a comment

But at least the politicians (SPD) who introduced it can claim to have done something in reaction to the infamous New Year’s Eve attacks. No one has been sentenced for any of these attacks, by the way. Just so you get where I’m coming from.

Introducing new legislation like this doesn’t solve the problem unless the laws are actually enforced. It’s a mentality thing. Judges here in Germany, like judges in another country many of you are familiar with, are simply much too lenient when it comes to their interpretation of the law and their sentencing. They will be just as lenient with the new law as they were with the old one. But boy oh boy is this new law ever strict or something. “No” actually means “no” now. As if it had meant something else before.

The wave of attacks on New Year’s Eve in Cologne shocked Germans, though prosecutions have been minimal and many were aghast to learn that, once again, assault could only be proven under German law if the victim resisted. On Thursday, a 21-year-old Iraqi and an Algerian of 26 became the first men to be convicted of sexual assault when a Cologne court gave them suspended one-year sentences.

Germans Pulling For France In Tonight’s Semi-Final

July 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Euro 2016, Football, France, German, Germans, Germany, Soccer Leave a comment

That’s tonight’s France versus Germany match, folks.

“Of course there is more at stake than football. France is feeling its economic weakness and it must look on enviously as the whole of Europe becomes more German.”

“A victory over Germany would be far more than a game won. It would be an act of liberation… A strengthened France helps Europe and the Germans.”

“One heart says France has suffered enough, so many dead from terrorism, the economy is in decline, 10 percent unemployment. France needs some solace.”

I haven’t read otherwise so I’m going to go way out on the limb here and bet you that the French are pulling for France tonight, too.

Die Deutschen selbstbewusst, mit einer seit Langem bewährten Führung, erfolgsverwöhnt nach einschneidenden Reformen, die jetzt schon über ein Jahrzehnt zurückliegen. Also: Klinsmann gleich Schröder und Löw gleich Merkel. Die Franzosen hingegen verunsichert und krisenbelastet, mit einer seit vielen Jahren erfolglosen Führung ohne klare Linie. Ihr heutiger Trainer Didier Deschamps, wie Präsident François Hollande seit 2012 im Amt, wechselt so beständig die Systeme auf dem Platz wie sein Präsident die politische Taktik im Élysée-Palast.

German Couple Waits Days To Be Offended By Naked Neighbor Using His Sauna

July 6, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Laws, Legal Rulings, Legalese, Legalism, Nakedness, Neighbors, Nudity 2 Comments

Butt naked. In Germany of all places. The nerve. Is nothing sacred?

In the latest example of the German habit of seeking legal rulings on the tiniest details of every day life, a man has won a case over the right to walk to the sauna in his garden in the altogether.

The 42-year-old, named only as Robert B under German privacy laws, installed a private sauna in his garden in Dortmund.

In common with most Germans, Robert B liked to take his sauna naked, and didn’t bother covering up on his way to and from the house, despite the fact he could be clearly seen from the next door garden.

His neigbour, named only as Hans L, was sufficiently offended at the sight to seek legal redress, and initially won a court order for Robert B to cover up.

But Robert B appealed against the decision, and this week succeeded in securing his right to parade around his garden in a state of undress.

Die Rechtslage war bisher nicht eindeutig. Infrage kommt § 118 des Ordnungswidrigkeitengesetzes. Darin heißt es: “Ordnungswidrig handelt, wer eine grob ungehörige Handlung vornimmt, die geeignet ist, die Allgemeinheit zu belästigen oder zu gefährden und die öffentliche Ordnung zu beeinträchtigen.”

This Is Not A Fake News Item

July 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Policial Correctness, Racism, Rape 2 Comments

I just don’t get this stuff anymore. Are these people only confused or just plain stupid?

A young left-wing German politician has admitted she lied to police about the racial background of three men who raped her in case it triggered reprisals against refugees in her country.

Selin Gören, the national spokeswoman of the left-wing youth movement Solid, was attacked by three men in January in the city of Mannheim where she works as a refugee activist.

The 24-year-old was ambushed late at night in a playground where she said she was forced to perform a sex act on her attackers.

After the assault she went straight to the police – but she did not tell them the ethnic make-up of the men, that they were speaking Arabic or Farsi.

Eine junge Frau wird vergewaltigt und sagt es niemandem. Der Grund: Die Täter waren Männer mit arabischer Herkunft. Sie wollte den Rassismus nicht weiter befeuern.

Whaddya Mean 501 German Oddities For Only 99 Cents?

July 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Humor Tags: Amazon, Culture, eBooks, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, iTunes, Jokes, Kindl, Language, Sales, Satire, Smashwords Leave a comment

Why that’s almost 5.060606060606061 oddities per penny!

What a steal.

Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Limited time offer or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, iTunes, etc.

Good Question

June 30, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Brexit, Direct Democracy, German, Germans, Germany, Referendums, Voting 1 Comment

Could Germans vote to exit the EU?

In a word, no.

Germans could only vote on exiting the EU if they first change their constitution to include such “direct democracy” at the national level. Only then could the Berlin government or parliament call a referendum.

Now isn’t that convenient. You’re not asked if you want in, you’re not asked about anything while you’re in and you couldn’t even ask to leave if you wanted to. So like why even ask?

And besides, what would you call the damned thing? A Dexet? A Gerexit? It just doesn’t have the right Klang.

Germany’s More Democracy organization has long called for making possible popular national referendums in the country. On its website, the group argues that the government merely presents “politics without any alternative” which parliament then “nods through.”

Germany Planning To Unveil Secret Hell-Freezing-Over Device

June 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Frank-Walter Steinmeier, German, Germans, Germany, NATO, Russia, Ukraine, UN, UN Security Council Leave a comment

They must be. Otherwise they wouldn’t be so delusional about thinking that they could ever have the bittiest little chance of getting a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

I don’t know what German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD) has been smoking these past few days but he has certainly been on a roll. This is the same guy, mind you, who just accused the NATO of warmongering by staging military exercises in support of its eastern NATO members (they appear to be concerned about some other types of exercises being carried out by another way big non-NATO country just a bit further down the road).

And now he thinks that a toothless, nay-saying nation like Germany somehow has the right to determine policy in the body that is at least nominally charged with the maintenance of international peace and security? Like I said. It must be some really good stuff.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East.

„Sie sind ja ein richtig, äh, schmieriger Typ!“

June 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hurt Feelings Tags: Actors, Götz George, German, Germans, Germany, Schimanski, Schntonk, Tatort 1 Comment

R.I.P. Götz George.

George was especially popular for his role as tough working-class inspector Horst Schimanski from the country’s industrial Ruhr Valley region, which he played 48 times in a time period of 32 years.

EU Threatens To Toss Great Britain Out Of The EU If It Has Not Packed Up Its Bags And Left By Tuesday

June 26, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Brexit, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Martin Schulz, Politicians 1 Comment

Or at the very least handed in its official resignation thingy by then, that is.

The unelected President of the European Parlament, Dingsda (what’s his name) is mad as hell at this Brexit Scheiß (crap) and isn’t going to take it anymore. After Great Britain’s sovereign decision to leave the EU last week he now demands that Great Britain leave the EU. If it does not do so immediately, he says, the EU will have no other choice but to toss Great Britain out of the EU. This is of course something that none of us want to do, he added, except for maybe Great Britain, that is, but believe you me we will do so anyway if we are forced to. Honest. So watch out already we mean business.

Der Präsident des Europaparlaments, Martin Schulz, sagte der “Bild am Sonntag”, der Gipfel am kommenden Dienstag sei hierfür der geeignete Zeitpunkt.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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