The Spy Who Got Left Out In The Cold

June 15, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Honorary Degrees, Rostock, Spies, Whistleblowing 2 Comments

Crazy court rulings these days, I tell ya. One court here in Germany, for instance, just ruled that Edward Snowden HIMSELF cannot receive an honorary degree from the University of Rostock

This is because – now get this – providing controversial and politically charged intelligence service data does not constitute a scientific achievement.

What do ya thinka that? What a bunch of jurisprudence. Why, that’s absolutely positively, uh… Wait a minute. Sure makes sense to me, come to think of it (is that why this court decision is so outrageous?). But now let’s move on. So who the hell are these wackos from the University of Rostock?

Ist die Bereitstellung brisanter Geheimdienst-Daten eine besondere wissenschaftliche Leistung oder nicht?

Talk About Crossing A Red Line

June 14, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bunds, Germany, Interest, Investments, Negative Interest, Savings Leave a comment

Somebody call the President or something.

I’m gonna buy a mess of these. But like what will be my German Bund’s 10-year yield at -0.030 percent? I mean, will there still be any of my investment left?

“Nobody buys bunds at these yield levels thinking they are attractive. Demand for haven assets is being driven by fear of Brexit and growth concern. Investors are buying bunds as a hedge against uncertainty.”

More Gun Control Needed

June 13, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Gun control, Guns, Language, Weapons Leave a comment

In Germany.

The citizens of this predominantly pacifist nation still refuse to address this very grave issue (no pun intended) in any meaningful way and therefore remain the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms.* Again and again and again. Like, when will they ever learn?

The only nations that export more arms than the Germans are US-Amerika and Russia, much more violent and less enlightened societies that have not yet learned to make atonement for their dreadful, awful pasts like Germany has – thus making it OK for them to be the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms, I assume. Es ist einfach kompliziert (it’s simply complicated) over here sometimes. No, make that all the time.

Die umstrittenen Lieferungen an Saudi-Arabien haben dazu beigetragen, dass Deutschland 2015 drittgrößter Waffenexporteur war.

*And tanks. And submarines. You know. And other stuff like that?

Confused Green Youth These Days

June 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Euro 2016, Fans, Flag-waving, Flags, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Nationalism, Patriotism, Political Parties, Soccer, Sports Leave a comment

We all know how the enlightened left detests flag-waving. You know, flag-waving as in “a fallacious argument or propaganda technique used to justify an action based on the undue connection to nationalism or patriotism or benefit for an idea, group or country,” whatever that means exactly.

But the Greens in Germany have taken this to a new level. Their youth group has called for German soccer fans to leave their German flags at home during the Euro 2006 because, well, “Patriotismus=Nationalismus. Fußballfans Fahnen runter!” That is, Patriotism = Nationalism. Down with those flags, soccer fans!

How do you get to that point where something as harmless as rooting for your national team becomes a sinister act of rabid warmongering? Without using hallucinogenic drugs to get there, I mean.

“Besser Patriot als ein Idiot.”

PS: I don’t have a German flag handy but good luck with Ukraine tonight anyway, Germany!

Annett F.

June 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Annett Fleischer Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Most Germans Don’t Want Brexit

June 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Brexit, Brussels, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Polls, Surveys 4 Comments

According to a recent poll, that is. 79 percent of those asked hope that the UK decides to stay in the EU.

This is interesting, I find. Because another poll indicates that the Germans are just as skeptical about the European Union as the British are.

A survey by Pew Research Center shows that while Brits may be the ones pushing to split away from the European Union, an equal proportion of Germans also feel negatively towards Brussels. The poll found that 48 percent of Germans have an unfavourable attitude towards the EU, exactly the same proportion as in the United Kingdom.

So what have we learned here? Nothing, as usual. Never trust a statistic you haven’t forged yourself.

Mit 79 Prozent wünscht eine große Mehrheit der Deutschen, dass die Briten sich gegen einen Brexit entscheiden und in der EU bleiben.

PS: Just read a funny comment in the Daily Mail concerning Wolfang Schäuble’s Brexit warning (how it would would shut the UK out of single market). “Germany is really scared stiff of Brexit as they are likely to be the only country funding all the other free loading countries if the UK leaves. He also needs reminding that the only reason the EU exists is because Germany couldn’t stop killing its neighbors.”

German Olympic Chief Shocked That Russian Athletes Dope

June 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Corruption, Cover-Ups, Doping, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Olympics, Russia, Sports Leave a comment

Systematically, I mean.

A German broadcast alleging the Russian state helped cover-up sports doping has been described as “shocking” by German Olympic sports head Michael Vesper.

In all fairness, however, it should be noted that Mr. Vesper was also shocked to find out that Bill Gates is rich, the Pope is a Catholic and bears shit in the woods. Like, uh, what kind of dope is this guy on? And where can I get some?

“Ich finde den Film schockierend. Er zeigt: Doping zerstört das Ansehen des Sports, das Vertrauen in den Sport, die Werte des Sports und die Sportler, die es nehmen.”

But Who’s Counting?

June 8, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Asylum Seekers, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees, Statistics Leave a comment

Migrants in Germany committed or tried to commit some 69,000 crimes in the first quarter of 2016, according to a police report that could raise unease, especially among anti-immigrant groups, about Chancellor Angela Merkel’s liberal migrant policy.

And how do the cops know that these are migrants committing these crimes? That’s easy: They’re the ones without any identification. 80 percent of the refugees coming to Germany do so without papers (and only about 30 percent of the grand total are actually war refugees at all).

Ain’t no big deal, I guess. So the next time you fly over to Germany from US-Amerka just leave your passport at home and explain that to the customs officials here. And good luck with that, too (maybe saying that you’re fleeing from the American presidential election festivities might work).

80 Prozent der Flüchtlinge kommen ohne Papiere.

German Of The Day: Sprengstoffweste

June 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Bands, Concerts, German, Germans, Language, Music, Pyrotechnics, Rammstein, Vienna 3 Comments

That means explosive vest. You know, the kind your run-of-the-mill German industrial metal pyrotechnical hard rock bands use these days?

Damn. This gives pop culture a whole new meaning.

The German shock-rockers have launched their world tour with a bang, with frontman Til Lindemann donning an explosive vest at a Vienna concert. Rammstein are headlining top festivals from Moscow to Buenos Aires.

“Ich muss zerstören, doch es darf nicht mir gehören.”

When Black Zero Comes

June 6, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Balanced Budgets, Black Friday, Economics, Eucken, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Steely Dan 2 Comments

I’m gonna dig myself a hole…

When Germans refer to a “black zero” these days they mean a balanced fiscal budget with no red ink. What a concept. If it weren’t so unthinkable (I am from US-Amerika and we’re clearly too smart for that) I would have a “quasi-religious fixation” with it, too. More power to you, Wolfgang.

In his aversion to the pursuit of full employment through fiscal policy, Mr Schäuble is an obvious heir to Eucken. This is also true of prominent German economists who, during the eurozone crisis, have ignored the effects of austerity on demand, out of a deep-seated belief that structural reforms can solve all problems.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Author Archives: Hermann Observer