German Couple Waits Days To Be Offended By Naked Neighbor Using His Sauna

Butt naked. In Germany of all places. The nerve. Is nothing sacred?

Neighbors

In the latest example of the German habit of seeking legal rulings on the tiniest details of every day life, a man has won a case over the right to walk to the sauna in his garden in the altogether.

The 42-year-old, named only as Robert B under German privacy laws, installed a private sauna in his garden in Dortmund.

In common with most Germans, Robert B liked to take his sauna naked, and didn’t bother covering up on his way to and from the house, despite the fact he could be clearly seen from the next door garden.

His neigbour, named only as Hans L, was sufficiently offended at the sight to seek legal redress, and initially won a court order for Robert B to cover up.

But Robert B appealed against the decision, and this week succeeded in securing his right to parade around his garden in a state of undress.

Die Rechtslage war bisher nicht eindeutig. Infrage kommt § 118 des Ordnungswidrigkeitengesetzes. Darin heißt es: “Ordnungswidrig handelt, wer eine grob ungehörige Handlung vornimmt, die geeignet ist, die Allgemeinheit zu belästigen oder zu gefährden und die öffentliche Ordnung zu beeinträchtigen.”

Germany Planning To Unveil Secret Hell-Freezing-Over Device

They must be. Otherwise they wouldn’t be so delusional about thinking that they could ever have the bittiest little chance of getting a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

UN

I don’t know what German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD) has been smoking these past few days but he has certainly been on a roll. This is the same guy, mind you, who just accused the NATO of warmongering by staging military exercises in support of its eastern NATO members (they appear to be concerned about some other types of exercises being carried out by another way big non-NATO country just a bit further down the road).

And now he thinks that a toothless, nay-saying nation like Germany somehow has the right to determine policy in the body that is at least nominally charged with the maintenance of international peace and security? Like I said. It must be some really good stuff.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East.

German Of The Day: Arbeitslos

That means unemployed. You know, like this loser of a European Football Championship koala oracle at the Leipzig Zoo?

Koala

„Oobi-Ooobi’s” job was to predict the outcome of the German team’s soccer matches and after two big flops in a row they fired his furry Australian ass. Dumb animal You have to perform over here in this part of the world, pal. And there is no such thing as free eucalyptus.

„Der unparteiische Australier zieht die Konsequenzen aus seinen beiden falschen Tipps. Als sportlich fairer Verlierer überlässt er das Orakeln ab sofort den Anderen.“

NATO Picking On Russia Again

And warmongering. Just ask German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD).

NATO

“What we should not do now is inflame the situation with sabre-rattling and warmongering,” he said. The “situation” being Russia’s annexation of Crimea and its continued military intervention in Ukraine, which is apparently something other than sabre-rattling and warmongering when viewed from Berlin.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East. But despite all the rhetoric, the German foreign ministry assures the world that Germany’s mighty army, a formidable threat to Russia, will be there for its allies whenever it should be needed.

Was wir jetzt nicht tun sollten, ist durch lautes Säbelrasseln und Kriegsgeheul die Lage weiter anzuheizen.

More Gun Control Needed

In Germany.

Gun Control

The citizens of this predominantly pacifist nation still refuse to address this very grave issue (no pun intended) in any meaningful way and therefore remain the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms.* Again and again and again. Like, when will they ever learn?

The only nations that export more arms than the Germans are US-Amerika and Russia, much more violent and less enlightened societies that have not yet learned to make atonement for their dreadful, awful pasts like Germany has – thus making it OK for them to be the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms, I assume. Es ist einfach kompliziert (it’s simply complicated) over here sometimes. No, make that all the time.

Die umstrittenen Lieferungen an Saudi-Arabien haben dazu beigetragen, dass Deutschland 2015 drittgrößter Waffenexporteur war.

*And tanks. And submarines. You know. And other stuff like that?

Confused Green Youth These Days

We all know how the enlightened left detests flag-waving. You know, flag-waving as in “a fallacious argument or propaganda technique used to justify an action based on the undue connection to nationalism or patriotism or benefit for an idea, group or country,” whatever that means exactly.

Greens

But the Greens in Germany have taken this to a new level. Their youth group has called for German soccer fans to leave their German flags at home during the Euro 2006 because, well, “Patriotismus=Nationalismus. Fußballfans Fahnen runter!” That is, Patriotism = Nationalism. Down with those flags, soccer fans!

How do you get to that point where something as harmless as rooting for your national team becomes a sinister act of rabid warmongering? Without using hallucinogenic drugs to get there, I mean.

Flags

“Besser Patriot als ein Idiot.”

PS: I don’t have a German flag handy but good luck with Ukraine tonight anyway, Germany!

German Olympic Chief Shocked That Russian Athletes Dope

Systematically, I mean.

A German broadcast alleging the Russian state helped cover-up sports doping has been described as “shocking” by German Olympic sports head Michael Vesper.

Dope

In all fairness, however, it should be noted that Mr. Vesper was also shocked to find out that Bill Gates is rich, the Pope is a Catholic and bears shit in the woods. Like, uh, what kind of dope is this guy on? And where can I get some?

“Ich finde den Film schockierend. Er zeigt: Doping zerstört das Ansehen des Sports, das Vertrauen in den Sport, die Werte des Sports und die Sportler, die es nehmen.”

German Of The Day: Sprengstoffweste

That means explosive vest. You know, the kind your run-of-the-mill German industrial metal pyrotechnical hard rock bands use these days?

Rammstein

Damn. This gives pop culture a whole new meaning.

The German shock-rockers have launched their world tour with a bang, with frontman Til Lindemann donning an explosive vest at a Vienna concert. Rammstein are headlining top festivals from Moscow to Buenos Aires.

“Ich muss zerstören, doch es darf nicht mir gehören.”

German Of The Day: Frontstadt

That means a city on the front or on the front-line. You know, like the Berlin of today?

Berlin

Or at least that’s what certain people here in town seem to think about it. Some are even calling it a failed state.

Take a deep breath here now. They don’t really mean that, of course, but in terms of an upcoming city election the situation here is pretty dramatic for a large number of Berliners who might want to vote. Due to the continued chaos at the various Bürgerämter (citizen’s offices) throughout the various districts of the city (unbelievable waiting times for appointments being the main problem here) it is estimated that some 280,000 new and newly-moved Berliners will not be able to register to vote in time. They are now being encouraged to contest the results of any election they were not able to take part in.

One election researcher says that the last time Germany experienced this kind of chaos was shortly after World War II.

Ein Wahlforscher sagt, dass es ein derartiges Chaos in Deutschland zuletzt kurz nach dem Zweiten Weltkrieg gegeben habe. Berlin ist wieder Frontstadt, erfreulicherweise ohne Bombardements.

German Of The Day: Geschichtskompensatorische Moralüberhebung

A prime example of how Germans can just create cool new words/concepts at will, this means, I think, the morally overbearing attempt (by Germans) to compensate for their history. Think of this within the context of the current refugee crisis, if you please.

History

Germany’s new weight in the world is provocative but when German politicians attempt to deny its existence and try to flee instead back to their “dealing with the past”-policy (Vergangenheitspolitik) they irritate all the more.

Germany’s refugee policy is a textbook example of this German sickness (according to Heinrich August Winkler), a separate path (Sonderweg) par excellence. The federal government is now completely isolated, ergo its policy has also been refuted. And the motive behind this German madness lies in – what else? In its overbearing attempt to compensate for history.

Deutschlands neue Größe provoziert, doch wenn deutsche Politik diese neue Größe verleugnet und sich stattdessen in ihre Vergangenheitspolitik flüchtet, dann provoziert das noch mehr.

Die deutsche Flüchtlingspolitik ist für Heinrich August Winkler nun ein Lehrbuchfall deutscher Krankheit, ein Sonderweg quasi wie gemalt. Denn die Bundesregierung sei völlig isoliert, ergo auch widerlegt. Und das Motiv für diesen deutschen Irrsinn liege – wo sonst?! – in geschichtskompensatorischer Moralüberhebung.

PS: And who says the Left can’t have it’s cake and eat it, too?