German Offshore Wind Farms More Deadly Than Fukushima

Nobody promised the Germans a rose garden when the so-called “energy turnaround” turned around the corner here last year.

So that’s why the three deaths and 80 serious accidents that have taken place so far while building Germany’s so badly needed offshore wind farms are being registered here with such stoic equanimity (or are being ignored altogether). Progress must march on or something. Keine Widerrede (no talking back)!

Do me a favor and wake me once this energy turnaround nonsense has finally turned around (as in over) and died itself.

Der Leiter des Havariekommandos in Cuxhaven, Hans-Werner Monsees, forderte gegenüber FOCUS ein „besseres und dichteres Rettungssystem“. Sonst drohe die Zahl der Toten und Schwerverletzten weiter zu steigen – in den nächsten Jahren werden bis zu 7000 Windräder vor der deutschen Küste installiert.

1 Percent?

That’s right. E-books only account for 1 percent of all book sales in Germany.

Why is this? Let us count the ways…

Germans believe they cannot read as well on digital reading devices. This is because they have never held a digital reading device in their hands, much less tried to read from one, but still.

Germans are convinced that they are “better” at reading from paper (I don’t make this stuff up, people).

Like savages who believe that a camera captures your soul, Germans believe that an e-book reader captures the souls of the books it, uh, holds captive (OK, that part I did make up).

But the biggest reason of all Germans don’t like e-books and e-book readers is that Germans don’t like technology. Technology that isn’t German, I mean.

“In Germany we’re still at 1 percent, but that’s already an increase of 77 percent from the previous year.”

PS: Of course low e-book sales in Germany might also have to do with the fact that German book prices are set by the German culture mafia (by the publishers!? = you pay the same artificially high price everywhere) so they get to set the e-book prices, too (you can pay up to $25 for one). And although printed books are exempt from Germany’s 19 percent value added tax, e-books aren’t. Not that the system is rigged or anything. I’m just saying.

We Hate Those Evil American Rating Agencies

But we don’t have the confidence (investor or otherwise) to create one ourselves.

The project to set up a European rating agency to challenge the dominance of American firms is at risk of collapsing, the German business daily Financial Times Deutschland reported on Monday. International consulting firm Roland Berger can’t find enough investors for its plan.

Hey, you-know-what happens. But don’t worry about it, Europe. It’s not like anybody is going to be rating you on this or anything. When in doubt (and you always are), just keep on bitching and moaning instead.

Ihnen wird nicht nur wegen Fehlbewertungen eine Mitschuld an der Finanzkrise gegeben. Auch ihre Rolle bei der Beurteilung der dramatischen Rettungsbemühungen und -konzepte für hochverschuldete Euro-Länder wie Griechenland, Portugal und Irland ist umstritten. Das Urteil der Ratingagenturen prägt letztlich vielfach die Marktreaktionen auf solche Bemühungen.

Ship? What Ship?

This must have been a big misunderstanding or something. A German-owned freighter loaded with weapons from Iran bound for the Syrian regime of Bashar Assad and stopped on Friday near the Syrian port of Tartus has now disappeared off the watery face of the earth.

Und das ist auch gut so (and a good thing, too), as we all know that Germans would never disregard a weapons embargo, neither for fun nor profit, being the pedantic pacifists they are, so this must have been one of those Fata Morgana things that happen out there on the high seas from time to time.

Weapons from Iran? Maybe it was that infamous ghost ship the S.S. Günter Grass.

Der Frachter, der schweres Militärgerät geladen hat, schaltete seinen Transponder aus und ist nicht mehr zu orten.

At Least He Made It To 65

Here’s more government in action for you, folks. German Beamte (civil servants). You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them (it’s verboten).

A retiring German public servant has signed off from work by emailing his 500 fellow staff to tell them that he had not done anything for 14 years.

The 65-year-old’s final words in the job were to crow over colleagues and say he had earned more than £600,000 without lifting a finger.

“I do not wish to say anything else.”

 

Poor But Sexy But Drunk

Traditional Kneipen (neighborhood pubs) are dropping like Fliegen (flies) these days in Germany.

The latest statistics indicate that their number has dropped nationwide from 48,000 to 36,000 since 2001.

But thank goodness Berlin and Berliners are standing up to buck the trend. While the number of Kneipen in other cities like Hamburg has dropped 48.1 percent during this period, the number of new Kneipen in Berlin rose 95.8 percent. Damn. You can’t set the bar much higher than that.

“Mit dem Wirtshaus verschwindet eine Einrichtung mit hohem sozialen und kulturellen Stellenwert aus den Gemeinden.”

Ya Gotta Have Dreamers

The FDP (Free Democratic Party) may now be fighting for its very survival again in Germany, but this is certainly nothing new. They have always had it tough here, and with good reason: They are the only classical liberal (as in free market) party to be found here for miles around.

The astounding thing about the FDP is that they can even get any votes at all in Germany. Terms like “free market” and “privatization” make most Germans cringe. And if they absolutely positively have to use bad words like that, they prefer more watered-down terminology like “Soziale Marktwirtschaft” instead, an imaginary German construction promising “a middle path between socialism and laissez-faire economic liberalism.” Socialism, in other words.

Anyway, with a big state election coming up in North Rhine-Westphalia next month (end of the month?), the FDP is now pulling out its big guns, as little as they are. Or at least one or two FDP politicians are. One guy called Frank Schäffler, for instance, has seriously suggested a radical program change to include “the elimination of all state aid and the partial privatization of the state-run public broadcasting services ARD and ZDF” in Germany. The key words here are “in Germany,” folks. 

Is this guy a visionary or just plain deranged?

Dream on, FDP. But please, keep on dreaming.

„Mehr Mut zu Recht und Freiheit“

State Subsidies In Action

This would be funny if wasn’t so funny. Where do we want to go broke today? Q-Cells is now the fourth major bankruptcy in the German solar industry sector of late and although they are sure to have made a lot of dumb mistakes themselves, they certainly couldn’t have gone bankrupt “this well” without the German government’s relentless and merciless help.

It’s all about drugs, subsidy drugs. And once these subsidy drugs had been administered – in this case promoting wonderful and environmentally friendly solar technology for the good of all German-kind (in a country where sunshine is still a news item) – most of these companies failed to wean themselves from their reliance upon them and made some bad business decisions as a result (decisions they wouldn’t have made if they had been clean).

In the meantime, Asian competitors in the real world learned to produce the solar technology cheaper (as usual) and, just to add a little insult to injury here, it turns out that the German government helped the Chinese solar industry with financial aid , too. Only they did this better than they did in Germany.

Then Berlin finally got tired of shelling out all this money back home and started reducing the dosage faster than the addicts could adapt to and, well,  the rest is history, or Geschichte, if you prefer.

So what’s the moral of the story? Remember those nine most terrifying words in the English language: “We’re from the government and we’re here to help.”

Somehow the German government must have lost sight of the fact that its policy in fact encourages the demise of Germany’s own solar industry. The development bank of the government-owned KfW group of banks supports China’s green industry with low-interest loans. Ironically, the German Investment and Development Company (DEG), also a subsidiary of KfW, is one of the financial backers of Chinese industry giant Yingli Solar.

Bust Them, Switzerland

And throw away the key. Those no good criminals. Those German tax collectors who have been trading in stolen Swiss goods.

Switzerland has issued arrest warrants for industrial espionage for three German tax collectors who bought (with German government approval) the bank details of German tax evaders in Switzerland.

“For Germany, the issue is one of tax fraud, leading the country to authorize three tax inspectors to buy leaked stolen data on tax evaders in 2010. This legally dubious approach wasn’t an issue domestically because of the common belief that the state was collecting its alleged due and it effects only ‘the rich.’ But in reality, because Switzerland has different laws, the officials acquired stolen property to use as evidence, and paid the thieves €2.5 million for it. Anyone who dismisses this as a trifle needs legal tutoring.”

“Just imagine how Germany would react were the Chinese government to buy automobile designs from German car company employees to speed up industrial development — with the argument that patent laws are too strong in the West.”

Lights Turned Out Last Night To Save Planet Earth Again

Damn. I always knew that I was ahead of my time when it came to saving our world as we know it, but up until last night’s “Earth Hour,” I honestly had no idea just how ahead of my time I was, I mean am.

I’ve been turning the lights out at night (when I go to bed) for as long as I can remember, and I’m as old as the hills.

So come on, people. Stop living in the dark and start turning off your lights now, too!

“Indem wir das Licht ausschalten, setzen wir ein Symbol für erneuerbare Energien weltweit.”