Quatsch

Nonsense, Berliner SPD politicians insist, when it comes to the persistent rumor around town these days that Klaus Wowereit has finally had enough and is willing to make everybody happy and resign already for cryin’ out load.

Klaus

I would accept this explanation if it weren’t for the fact that they are also saying things like „absoluter Quatsch,“ „eine Quatsch-Debatte,“ „wirklich Quatsch“ and „auch das ist Quatsch,“ too.

Ja, eine „Quatsch-Debatte“ sei das, dass der Regierende Bürgermeister, wie es in der Boulevardzeitung BZ zu lesen war, keine Lust mehr aufs Regieren habe und angesichts mieser Umfragen und ebensolcher Aussichten plane, noch vor der Sommerpause seinen Rücktritt bekannt zu geben.

Berlin Brandenburg Airport Finished After All

And in a record time of six months, too!

Lego

Now located at the city’s LEGOLAND Discovery Center, Berlin’s stunning new Willy Brandt International Airport is said to be made up of some 100,000 bricks.

Critics say that that the difficulties with handling today’s complex technology have been compounded by hasty, negligent work due to the intense time pressures. Underlying these problems appears to be a culture of political dishonesty. “Many politicians want prestigious large-scale projects to be inseparably connected with their names.”

Berlin Far-Left Left Party Partiers Believe American Fashion Doll Wrong Role Model For German Girls

“The Barbie Dreamhouse is the expression of a conventional role model that isn’t OK.”

Barbie

Barbie is a fashion doll manufactured by the American toy-company Mattel, Inc. and launched in March 1959. American businesswoman Ruth Handler is credited with the creation of the doll using a German doll called Bild Lilli as her inspiration.

Speaking Of Green Disasters…

“Germany’s Green Energy Disaster: A Cautionary Tale For World Leaders”

Green

“The costs of our energy reform and restructuring of energy provision could amount to around one trillion euros by the end of the 2030s.”

The Green Shirts vs. The Environment

Guess who’s going to win?

Green

One would assume that ecology and the Energiewende, Germany’s plans to phase out nuclear energy and increase its reliance on renewable sources, were natural allies. But in reality, the two goals have been coming into greater and greater conflict…

Since the party’s founding in 1980, it has championed a nuclear phaseout and fought for clean energy. But now that this phaseout is underway, the Greens are realizing a large part of their dream — the utopian idea of a society operating on “good” power — is vanishing into thin air. Green energy, they have found, comes at an enormous cost. And the environment will also pay a price if things keep going as they have been.

“We should overcome the temptation to sacrifice environmental protection for the sake of fighting climate change. Preserving a stable natural environment is just as important.”

Cross Repels Left-Wing Politicians

Left party and Green politicians have expressed outrage upon learning that Ilse Aigner (CSU), Germany’s Minister of Consumer Protection, has arranged that a so-called “crucifix” be hung on the wall of her ministry’s visitors’ room.

Aigner

“Not only is this fauxpas a flagrant breach of the much cherished separation of church and state,” the visiting Green politician is said to have said upon discovering the cross, his horrible, unearthly scream cutting through the night as smoke began spurting from his pallid flesh right before the ghastly green creature twisted away in horror and half dove, half fell through the ministry’s crashing window, “But it also insults our secular values and fundamental way of living dead life.”

Frau Aigner has expressed openness with regard to removing the offensive Christian object but insists that she will not budge an inch should it come to further demands to remove the hundreds of garlic cloves or that bucket of holy water she holds ready at all times underneath her desk.

Hintergrund ist offenbar eine Beschwerde aus den Reihen einer Besuchergruppe der hessischen Grünen. Zwei Teilnehmerinnen drückten demnach in einem Brief an die Ministerin ihre “Verwunderung” darüber aus, dass in dem Besucherraum ein “den christlichen Glauben symbolisierendes Kreuz aufgehängt war”.

German Man Caught Impersonating A Cardinal After Other German Man Caught Impersonating A Pope

OK, OK. The German Pope dude actually was a Pope but he did that typical German Frührente (early retirement) thing that Popes don’t normally do so technically speaking you could be a real devil advocating jerk if you wanted to be and claim that the guy never was a real Pope in the first place (and no, of course I’m not Catholic and yes, I clearly don’t have the slightest idea what I’m talking about here – except for that Frührente part).

Cardinal

As for the Cardinal dude, I think he looked rather convincing while hanging out with several unsuspecting eminences in Rome the other day. Except for the sneakers he was wearing, maybe. And his crucifix, which was too short, or so I’m told. And his sash turned out to be just a purple scarf. But still. The Cardinal question here is, well, is not having a life something you can actually make your living at?

He was thrown out by the Swiss Guard after someone noticed his crucifix was too short and his sash was just a purple scarf.

It Takes One To Know One

Clown

“Clearly a clown with a testosterone boost” himself, hapless Social Democrat chancellor candidate Peer Steinbrueck just got his dinner invitation cancelled by visiting Italian President Giorgio Napolitano after calling former premier Silvio Berlusconi and comic-turned-politician Beppe Grillo “clowns.” Which they are, of course. But that’s the point. I think.

Speaking of clowns, Germany, never forget that we Americans have a right to be stupid – and that we exercise this right regularly. At least when we’re big important non-elected government officials we do. No matter where we are. No matter what country we happen to be visiting. Imaginary or not.

“The reason is, that’s freedom, freedom of speech. In America you have a right to be stupid — if you want to be.”

Germany Not Trying To Dominate Europe

Honest. Why try when it comes so naturally?

Gauck

No, seriously folks. Poor German President Joachim Gauck. He certainly means well (and somebody’s talking head has to say this stuff, I guess), but how can you not think that Germany is imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent when he goes out of his way to tell you that Germany is not imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent?

“In Germany, more Europe doesn’t mean a German Europe. To us, more Europe means a European Germany.”

Well, nice try, but you forgot about the German European Germany variation. It’s not that we don’t trust you, Germany. It’s just that we don’t trust you. It’s called the BKB Syndrome (or at least that’s what I call it). You know, The Big Kid on the Block Syndrome? It’s incurable and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it and you’re guilty until proven guilty so just go ahead and kick back and get used to the situation (as if you weren’t already). And, oh yeah, welcome to the club already, too.

“I was shocked to see how quickly perceptions became distorted, as if today’s Germany stood in the tradition of German imperialism, even of German crimes.”

Pope Latest Victim In Never-Ending German Plagiarism Scandal(s)

Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world by resigning today following allegations in Berlin that his entire bibliography had been plagiarized.

Pope

This is now the four-hundred-and-forty-seventh time in the past two years that a high-ranking German politician and/or Pope has been forced to quit over accusations of cheating on doctoral dissertations and/or religious meditations.

“Wow. We’ve had ministers resign here right and left, like freakin’ flies,” one source near Chancellor Angela Merkel’s government said. “But a Pope? Holy Moley!”

“I’ve accepted his resignation heavy-heartedly,” Ms. Merkel is said to have said.