The Amazing Disappearing Political Party

Who says that in-fighting and a complete absence of credibility, character, policy, tactics or strategy can’t get you anywhere? It got Germany’s Pirate Party to nowhere fast. So you better take one quick look at them while you still can.

They’re down to five percent in the polls at the moment, and sinking fast. But let’s move on now and just try to remember them for all the good things they accomplished while they were still here among the living (hell if I know, I thought you might have).

Die Piraten liegen einer neuen Umfrage zufolge nur noch bei fünf Prozent und müssen damit um den Einzug in den Bundestag bangen.

German Teflon

Or Berlin Teflon, if you prefer. Whatever you want to call it, it’s way more teflony or teflonodelic than other kinds of Teflon out there.

Just ask Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit (SPD) after the opening of the city’s new airport has been postponed yet again (no joke) and now won’t be ready nearly two full years later than planned. It’s his baby, you see.

“Not to mince words, Klaus Wowereit can pack his bags as Berlin mayor. Anyone who recklessly gambles with the future of a whole region, wasting hundreds of millions of euros (…) and covers up instead of looking into mistakes is not qualified to be managing a metropolis. Wowereit is not the only one who has failed in relation to the BER project, but he is the main culprit. People are not going to forget that. No matter what he does, his time is up.”

But what do you think will happen, meine Damen und Herren? Not a damned thing. This is Germany. And worse still, some politicians are just never held accountable for what they do, no matter what what they do, or don’t. But not just here. I know of this one guy from another country, for instance (the president of the something or the other) who could get caught robbing a 7-Eleven at gunpoint and nobody would care. It just ain’t right, I tell ya. But it’s da way of da woild.

German commentators are outraged over the postponement, with one (the key word here is one) calling on Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit to resign.

The Latest Radical New Concept

After years of deliberation, the German Justice Department has finally decided to take a bold leap into uncharted legal waters and official declare that theft should be punishible. OK, in this case it’s “data theft.”

Wow. Talk about a great leap forward for German Gerechtigkeit (justice) or something. The background: Like junkies in need of their next fix, German tax officials (usually from SPD led state governments) have been regularly purchasing stolen goods in recent months; data CDs containing lists of German tax evaders with Swiss bank accounts. Needless to say, the SPD & Co. are unhappy about this rather belated juristic revelation.

Is this the beginning of the end of the means justifying the end? Or was it vice versa?

“Datendiebstahl soll strafbar sein.”

Grid Your Teeth

And just keep on paying. Or how about grid and bare it?

Germany’s power grid hasn’t kept up with the explosion of new alternative energy sources — particularly the offshore windparks being built in the Baltic Sea and the North Sea off the country’s north coast. Many of those projects are at a standstill, with no way to deliver the power they generate to the mainland.

On Wednesday Merkel’s cabinet hopes to agree on a stop-gap measure to compensate power companies for losses accrued as a result of the delays, but again it will be German consumers who will ultimately suffer.

“The primary reason for the problem lies in the ‘third path’ policymakers have chosen to lead us into the renewable future. There is neither a centrally planned economy to steer the energy system nor are the rules of the market economy allowed to regulate the system according to the laws of supply and demand. Instead, a model of ‘decentralized planned economy’ is being pursued. Municipalities, states, the federal government and the European Union are all creating plans independent of each other and of those affected. There is no coordination…. The result is a fair amount of chaos with policymakers struggling to keep up. Everyone is aware that the situation cannot continue if the renewable energy revolution is to be a success. As such, the question is whether we want to move from where we are today in the direction of a centrally planned economic model or rather in the direction of market economy principles.”

The 30 Percent Solution

That’s how much more German households will likely have to pay for energy in the coming years due to the country’s way cool “energy turnaround.”

Investments of at least 150 billion euros will be needed in the next few years and that’s just the beginning and absolutely positively nothing is working out reibungslos (smoothly) as not planned. And that’s the crux of the biscuit: This is what happens when you do your panicked decision making first and your planning later.

“Wir müssen davon ausgehen, dass die Gestaltung der Energiewende länger dauert als geplant.”

Going, Going…

Pirates!

This is what happens when you fail to deliver (even when nobody ever really knew what you were supposed to deliver in the first place). Hey, what goes around comes around. Or was it what comes around goes away? I, for one, thought they’d never be von gestern (yesterday’s news).

“Since the Pirates have been around, the optical decorum has lapsed, and it’s undignified.”

Decision Delayed On Delayed Airport’s Latest Delay

Late for a delayed press conference, which was then delayed again, Berlin officials have now announced their decision to delay their decision to delay Berlin’s delayed Airport’s latest delay.

Berlin mayor Klaus Wowereit, a Social Democrat who has made the Berlin-Brandenburg Airport his flagship project, wasted no time in delaying further comment for later, unless delayed.

“Wowereit is making the city look more and more ridiculous in international eyes.”

No One Can Explain German Power Grid Instability

But as far as I can tell, it seems to have begun sometime shortly after the Fukushima nuclear disaster in Japan.

Sudden fluctuations in Germany’s power grid are causing major damage to a number of industrial companies. While many of them have responded by getting their own power generators and regulators to help minimize the risks, they warn that companies might be forced to leave if the government doesn’t deal with the issues fast…

The problem is that wind and solar farms just don’t deliver the same amount of continuous electricity compared with nuclear and gas-fired power plants. To match traditional energy sources, grid operators must be able to exactly predict how strong the wind will blow or the sun will shine.

“Every company — from small businesses to companies listed on the DAX — are buying one (APC emergency power generators) from us.” 

Angela Tea Party Merkel

“Wait a minute… This seems familiar to me. Romney and Ryan stole all this from Angela Merkel! That which the Tea Party wants to do is already being done by Merkel here, and for quite some time now: She wants to force other European states to save instead of just continuing to throw money at them.”

“With Ryan as vice-presidential candidate, the presidential election now has two clear and easily understandable alternatives: Obama wants to save the economy by going further into debt (financed through taxes) and pumping this into the economy. Romney and Ryan want to save the economy by lowering taxes (which should lead to more private investment) and forcing the state to save.”

Ich habe jedenfalls nie verstanden, warum die Deutschen die Tea Party nicht mögen. Logisch ist das nicht: Einerseits sind die meisten Deutschen erschrocken und verängstigt ob des schwindelerregenden amerikanischen Haushaltsdefizits und fest überzeugt, dass Amerika die Staatsschulden abbauen muss. Sonst würde es doch irgendwann zusammenbrechen oder von China aufgekauft. Gleichzeitig aber hassen sie die einzige politische Bewegung, die genau dafür kämpft – die Tea Party.

And now here’s some economist rap.

Another In-Depth Spiegel Analysis

And it goes like this: “Romney dumb” (meaning “Obama smart”).

When it comes to objective, thorough and even-handed journalism (and the American presidential campaign) few international tabloids can compare with the quality reporting reported by Spiegel reporters.

The latest scoop for the German nation: Mitt Romney said “sheik” instead of “sikh.”

OMG. This is an issue, I guess. And shocking, or something. And proves something, I suppose.

Geepers creepers, that would be almost as inappropriate as saying these sorry Spiegel reporters are full of “Schiet” instead of “Scheiße” (Schiet, albeit correct, is a much more vulgar term here, I think).

Knapp drei Monate vor der US-Präsidentenwahl liegt Amtsinhaber Barack Obama in Umfragen weiter deutlich vor Romney.