Category Archives: Helplessness

I Can See For Miles

November 3, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Or at least for a kilometer or two.

Smog

Germany likes to see itself as a pioneer when dealing with environmental issues, but when it comes to implementing European standards, Berlin is hardly a poster child.

The European Union has opened 16 infringement procedures in total against Germany, for failing to implement environmental legislation on time or even at all.

And then there is: Shock…Germany To Come To Marrakesh Conference Empty-Handed! Withdraws Climate Protection Plan! Thanks for the tweet, Joe.

Young Germans Shamelessly Copying Americans Again

November 2, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Or at least that’s what the latest “Generation What?” survey taken by a German media group indicates to me: More than 70 percent of the young people here have no confidence in politics.

Confidence

When asked about political institutions, only 27 percent replied that they “more or less” had confidence in them. Only one percent asked said they trusted these institutions completely.

They were nearly as skeptical when it came to confidence in religious institutions and in the media itself.

Mehr als 70 Prozent der jungen Menschen ohne Vertrauen in die Politik.

Germans Now Allowed To Watch So-Called “Music Videos”

November 1, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Damn. The down side here is that this is finally going to let South Sudan pass Germany by. When it comes to blocking online music videos, I mean.

GEMA
The internet video platform YouTube and the German rights collection society GEMA have reached a deal under which artists who are GEMA members will receive payment when one of their videos is viewed, both sides announced on Tuesday. The agreement also brings an end to the red “blocking banners” notifying users in Germany that access to their favorite music was banned for copyright reasons.

“Ab heute geht’s los. Also habt bitte einen Moment Geduld, wenn noch nicht alle Videos sofort verfügbar sind.”

German Of The Day: Kleiner Waffenschein

October 30, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

That means small firearms license. And the number of these licenses just keeps on climbing here in Germany (an increase from 301,000 to 402,000 during the first six months of this year).

Guns

Gee. I wonder why?

Please note: These are licenses to carry guns that fire gas cartridges or blank rounds only. We don’t want to hurt the guy trying to kill us here or anything.

Der Anstieg setzte nach den Übergriffen der Silvesternacht in Köln ein.

Creepy Clowns Now In German Mosques

October 28, 2016 By in Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

No, not these kind of creepy clowns. The creepy bushy-long-beard Muslim kind of creepy clowns.

Clowns

That’s at least what many young Syrian refugees in Germany think of them. The mosques in Germany give them the heebie-jeebies because many of them “are more conservative than those at home.”

Hello? Germany? That’s your cue.

Hani Salam escaped civil war in Syria and survived the journey from Egypt to Europe. But when he saw men with bushy long beards at a mosque near his current home in Cologne last November, he was worried.

The men’s a ppearance reminded him of Jaish al-Islam, the Islamist rebels who took over his hometown near Damascus, said Salam, 36, who wears a mustache but no beard. One of them told Salam that “good Muslims grow beards, not moustaches,” he recalled – a centuries-old idea that he dismisses.

“One time when I was there, a Salafist asked a young Arab man to leave because he was wearing shorts. At the Turkish mosque no one cares what you’re wearing.”

Clowns Funny After All

October 26, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Horror, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

It took me forever to finally get how this creepy clown conspiracy stuff works but now I’m laughing my Hintern (behind) off.

Clowns

I had always found clowns creepy (even the old-school, “normal” kind) and anything but funny but that’s only because nobody had ever explained to me how this works. Once one of these new “horror clowns” shows up to bug you, for instance, you either stab them with a knife or wack them with a hammer. Well that’s how they’re doing it here in Germany. Hardy, har, har! Give me more!

Horror-Clown-Attacke: Junge wehrt sich mit “Hammer Gottes.”

German Of The Day: Schwerbehindert

October 24, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria Tags: , , , , , , 7 Comments

That means severely disabled. You know, like 10 percent of the German population?

Scam

Huh? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s true. No, I’m not thinking it’s just another big scam (I know it is). I’m thinking how could it only be just 10 percent?

Schwerbehindert sind laut Statistik Menschen, denen die Versorgungsämter einen Grad der Behinderung von mindestens 50 Prozent zuerkennen und die einen gültigen Ausweis haben.

 

Wussy Clowns Pissed Off At Creepy Clowns

October 21, 2016 By in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Worried about the bad reputation the current creepy clown conspiracy could give the already bad reputation that wussy, so-called “genuine” clowns in the German clown industry now enjoy, wussy clown spokesmen have denounced the creepy clowns as being “a bunch of creeps” and have asked them to “please stop clowning around already.”

Clowns

“It’s bad enough that we scare that pants off of small children and animals already,” one spokesman said. “While cheering them up against their will, I mean. But now you want to freak out the rest of the nation in just the same way? Like how sick is that?”

Der Dachverband „Dachverband Clowns in Medizin und Pflege Deutschland e.V.“ hat sich am Mittwoch in einer Pressemitteilung zu Wort gemeldet. Und bittet um Abgrenzung. „Grusel-Clowns sind keine Clowns“, heißt es darin. „Es sind wirre Menschen, die ihre destruktiven Neigungen nur auf diese armselige Art ausleben wollen. Sie sind weder komisch noch beeindruckend, sondern ein grotesker Abklatsch einer zutiefst menschlichen, positiven Freude an der Anarchie.

German Of The Day: Rechtspopulistisch

October 19, 2016 By in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

That means right-wing populist. You know, like what the German state TV channel ARD has insisted upon labeling the AfD party up until now?

AfD

This has changed, however. As the head talking head what’s in charge over there (in there?) explains: “The background behind this is the fact that given the latest state elections, the AfD has attained such a high level of recognition that the permanent classification of them through this attribute is no longer necessary in order to make an orientation possible by the viewers.” The proper orientation, I assume he means.

The Pöbel (rabble) has now finally been dutifully informed so the ARD is going to gracefully condescend to move on to the next Umerziehungsmaßnahme (re-education measure) on the list. Whatever that might be. So stay tuned. As if you had a choice.

Hintergrund dieser Vorgehensweise ist die Tatsache, dass die AfD nicht zuletzt aufgrund der zurückliegenden Landtagswahlen einen solch hohen Bekanntheitsgrad erreicht hat, dass es der permanenten Einordnung durch dieses Attribut nicht mehr Bedarf, um den Zuschauerinnen und Zuschauern eine Orientierung zu ermöglichen