Category Archives: Helplessness

EU Threatens To Toss Great Britain Out Of The EU If It Has Not Packed Up Its Bags And Left By Tuesday

June 26, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Or at the very least handed in its official resignation thingy by then, that is.

President

The unelected President of the European Parlament, Dingsda (what’s his name) is mad as hell at this Brexit Scheiß (crap) and isn’t going to take it anymore. After Great Britain’s sovereign decision to leave the EU last week he now demands that Great Britain leave the EU. If it does not do so immediately, he says, the EU will have no other choice but to toss Great Britain out of the EU. This is of course something that none of us want to do, he added, except for maybe Great Britain, that is, but believe you me we will do so anyway if we are forced to. Honest. So watch out already we mean business.

Der Präsident des Europaparlaments, Martin Schulz, sagte der “Bild am Sonntag”, der Gipfel am kommenden Dienstag sei hierfür der geeignete Zeitpunkt.

Is Nothing Sacred?

June 21, 2016 By in Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Talk about crossing a red line. Now all bets are off, people.

Nudists

The influx of more than 1m migrants has already divided Germany. But the latest row casts it as a threat to the very heart of German culture: the right to walk around in public in the nude.

Nudists at a club near the historic town of Meissen were incensed when they received new rules from the local authority suggesting they would not be allowed to swim naked in the local lake where they have been skinny-dipping for over a century.

Neues aus Absurdistan. “Wir bewegen uns seit 1905 nackt im Gelände.”

German Of The Day: Arbeitslos

June 20, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

That means unemployed. You know, like this loser of a European Football Championship koala oracle at the Leipzig Zoo?

Koala

„Oobi-Ooobi’s” job was to predict the outcome of the German team’s soccer matches and after two big flops in a row they fired his furry Australian ass. Dumb animal You have to perform over here in this part of the world, pal. And there is no such thing as free eucalyptus.

„Der unparteiische Australier zieht die Konsequenzen aus seinen beiden falschen Tipps. Als sportlich fairer Verlierer überlässt er das Orakeln ab sofort den Anderen.“

NATO Picking On Russia Again

June 19, 2016 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

And warmongering. Just ask German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD).

NATO

“What we should not do now is inflame the situation with sabre-rattling and warmongering,” he said. The “situation” being Russia’s annexation of Crimea and its continued military intervention in Ukraine, which is apparently something other than sabre-rattling and warmongering when viewed from Berlin.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East. But despite all the rhetoric, the German foreign ministry assures the world that Germany’s mighty army, a formidable threat to Russia, will be there for its allies whenever it should be needed.

Was wir jetzt nicht tun sollten, ist durch lautes Säbelrasseln und Kriegsgeheul die Lage weiter anzuheizen.

Remember: These Folks Don’t Represent All Muslims Living In Germany

June 17, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

They only represent about HALF of all the MODERATE ones: Nearly half of Turkish immigrants in Germany put Islam above law.

Turks

That’s right. The latest Emnid poll indicates that 47 per cent of the more than three million Turkish citizens living in Germany admit following their religion was “more important” than obeying “the laws of the land in which I live”.

32 per cent said they yearn to live in a society of the times of the Prophet Mohammed.

I guess we don’t even want to know what the radical Muslims out there are thinking. Like duh. We already do.

36 Prozent der Befragten überzeugt, nur der Islam könne die Probleme der Zeit lösen. 47 Prozent halten die Gebote des Islams für wichtiger als die deutschen Gesetze.

Volkswagen To Build E-Cars

June 16, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

But they haven’t figured out how to equip them with diesel emissions test cheating software yet.

Volkswagen

The sleazy, crooked, dirtball of a company also hopes to introduce more self-driving vehicles in the near future. If those work out, self-purchasing models will be the next logical step. And after that, who knows? The Welt or something.

Volkswagen unveiled a plan for the next decade containing culture change, as it strives to compete in an industry moving towards e-cars, self-driving systems and on-demand mobility – all while it deals with Dieselgate.

Mit Elektroautos in die Zukunft!

Talk About Crossing A Red Line

June 14, 2016 By in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Somebody call the President or something.

Red Line

I’m gonna buy a mess of these. But like what will be my German Bund’s 10-year yield at -0.030 percent? I mean, will there still be any of my investment left?

“Nobody buys bunds at these yield levels thinking they are attractive. Demand for haven assets is being driven by fear of Brexit and growth concern. Investors are buying bunds as a hedge against uncertainty.”

More Gun Control Needed

June 13, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

In Germany.

Gun Control

The citizens of this predominantly pacifist nation still refuse to address this very grave issue (no pun intended) in any meaningful way and therefore remain the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms.* Again and again and again. Like, when will they ever learn?

The only nations that export more arms than the Germans are US-Amerika and Russia, much more violent and less enlightened societies that have not yet learned to make atonement for their dreadful, awful pasts like Germany has – thus making it OK for them to be the world’s third largest exporters of deadly firearms, I assume. Es ist einfach kompliziert (it’s simply complicated) over here sometimes. No, make that all the time.

Die umstrittenen Lieferungen an Saudi-Arabien haben dazu beigetragen, dass Deutschland 2015 drittgrößter Waffenexporteur war.

*And tanks. And submarines. You know. And other stuff like that?

Confused Green Youth These Days

June 12, 2016 By in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

We all know how the enlightened left detests flag-waving. You know, flag-waving as in “a fallacious argument or propaganda technique used to justify an action based on the undue connection to nationalism or patriotism or benefit for an idea, group or country,” whatever that means exactly.

Greens

But the Greens in Germany have taken this to a new level. Their youth group has called for German soccer fans to leave their German flags at home during the Euro 2006 because, well, “Patriotismus=Nationalismus. Fußballfans Fahnen runter!” That is, Patriotism = Nationalism. Down with those flags, soccer fans!

How do you get to that point where something as harmless as rooting for your national team becomes a sinister act of rabid warmongering? Without using hallucinogenic drugs to get there, I mean.

Flags

“Besser Patriot als ein Idiot.”

PS: I don’t have a German flag handy but good luck with Ukraine tonight anyway, Germany!