Duff Beer Exists Here

December 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Beer, Bier, Courts, Duff Beer, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Law, Satire, The Simpsons Leave a comment

Homer Simpson is a cartoon character, right? And Duff beer is imaginary.

But in Germany you can enjoy Duff beer for real, brewed by two separate companies even, if you want to, because Germany’s Federal Court of Justice (the nation’s highest court of law) said you could.

I don’t make this stuff up, people. This country’s a freakin’ fantasia land amusement park or something. For cryin’ out loud.

“In dieser Zeichentrickserie tritt ein Herr Homer Simpson auf, und dieser Herr trinkt”, erläuterte der Vorsitzende Richter Joachim Bornkamm in der mündlichen Verhandlung. Wobei Bornkamm betonte, es sei wohl “ein eher billiges Bier”.

National Weapons Registry Planned For Nation In Which Practically Nobody Owns A Weapon

November 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Gun control, Humor, Legislation, Satire, Weapons Leave a comment

Except criminals, of course (but they won’t have to get theirs registered).

Germany is introducing a national firearms registry that will be operational next year, implementing a European Union directive two years ahead of its due date.

The register will pool nearly 550 local-level databases of gun owners, the Interior Ministry said in an e-mailed statement today. The EU weapons directive requires every member state to put in place a national registry by December 31, 2014.

…In a second step, the registry will also track producers, traders and importers of legally bought weapons in Germany.

“The national weapons registry contributes significantly to the security in Germany.”

German Blue Cards Going Like Hotcakes

November 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Blue Cards, Bureaucracy, German, Germans, Germany, Green Cards, Humor, Immigration, Labor, Satire, Skilled Workers, Xenophobia Leave a comment

A mass influx of skilled foreign laborers with “blue cards” to Germany is causing unexpected bureaucratic headaches and unsettling the already unsettled German xenophobic population at large.

So far, a grand total of 139 (that’s 1-3-9) foreign professionals have received the coveted card, camparable to the US-Amerikan “green card,” since its introduction in August.

“Wow. We had no idea just how bad people wanted to come here,” said one suprised immigration official. “This was way too easy. But how are we going to find jobs for all these folks now?”

Skilled employees from outside the European Union have apparantly been lining up everywhere and eating their achy breaky yearning little hearts out in earnest for this envied piece of blue plastic for quite some time now, partly due, it seems, to Germany’s celebrated image of being an overly bureaucratic and unwelcoming place for foreigners of all non-German kinds.

“German immigration law is still complicated and not very transparent for foreign skilled employees.”

“Where Is the Tax Money?”

November 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Desertec, Government spending, Humor, Ideology, Sahara, Satire, Solar energy, The Green Shirts 4 Comments

Here are some recent Desertec headlines – with the stress here on desert (as in to desert a sinking ship):

Bosch quits Desertec

Spain Delays Signing Onto Desertec Sahara Solar Project

Siemens to pull out of Desertec initiative

Algeria puts off decision on Desertec solar project

Desertec’s Promise of Solar Power for Europe Fades

As recently as three years ago, many thought that it was only a matter of time before solar thermal plants in North Africa supplied a significant portion of Europe’s energy needs. But Desertec has hit a road block. Industrial backers are jumping ship, political will is tepid and a key pilot project has suddenly stalled.

…The reasons for the political hesitance are clear. Renewable energy projects remain more expensive than traditional fossil fuel plants and tend to require government subsidies.

“Everybody is staring at each other and nobody moves. In this deadly, sometimes embarrassing silence, everybody is praising the project. And then silence again.”

Expats Pouting?

October 28, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Democrats, Elections, Europe, Expats, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Obama, Polls, Presidential Election, Republicans, Romney, Satire, Voting 1 Comment

He may be the World President, but is he still ours?

“There’s a high interest (in voting) among expats in Germany, but I sense those on the Democrat side aren’t as fervent today as they were in 2008. There’s intense disappointment in President Obama’s leadership.”

Meanwhile… An opinion poll by the Emnid polling institute found 87 percent of German nationals would vote for Obama and only 5 percent for Romney if they had the chance to cast ballots.

Enthusiasm for Obama wanes among U.S. voters in Europe

Now It’s Getting Surreal

October 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bullshitter, Elections, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Obama, Opinion, Romney, Satire, The President, The Presidential Election Leave a comment

You know, as in having that disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream and being all like, well, unreal or fantastic?

I just stumbled across a German commentary in German published by a German in Germany entitled: Vielleicht ist Mitt Romney die bessere Wahl für die USA (Maybe Mitt Romney is the better choice for the USA).

Toto, you bullshitter, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Der republikanische Präsidentschaftsbewerber hat als Gouverneur bewiesen, dass er pragmatisch regieren kann. Obama blieb unter den Erwartungen.

US-Amerika In Decline Yet Again

October 23, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Debate Culture, Debates, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Obama, Political correctness, Presidential Debates, Propaganda, Romney, Satire 2 Comments

Clearly disappointed in last night’s debate for some inexplicable reason, one leading German mind policeman has hurried to remind his countrymen that the United States is still, after all, a “global power in decline” which now appears to be “stuck in the Bush worldview,” whatever that is.

A buddy of his at the same German news organ also rushed to explain that President Obama, being a man of peace or something, did not want to have to fight and get all rude during the debates like he did but that the “unexpectedly close race” forced him to. I tell ya, life just ain’t fair sometimes.

With his centrist policies, Barack Obama tried to be a president for all Americans. But few in Washington were enthusiastic about his attempts to reach bipartisan compromise.

The Trend Is Republican?

October 22, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Iran, Journalism, Obama, Politics, Presidential Debates, Romney, Satire Leave a comment

Reported in a German newspaper? Openly? No sinister conspiracy theories? No ifs, ands or buts? I’ve seen it all now.

President Obama is under pressure: Surveys indicate that he is losing one state after another to Romney. He doesn’t have many chances left to turn the trend around.

Romney hat den Trend auf seiner Seite.

Draw This

October 17, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Defeat, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Soccer, Sports, Victory, World Cup Leave a comment

How can you (Germany) have a 4-0 lead in the 60th minute (in Berlin) and then end up with a 4-4 draw against Sweden at the end of the match (a World Cup qualifier)?

Beats the hell out of me. But nobody else here seems to know what happened, either. I guess this was just one of those thrill-of-victory-and-agony-of-defeat moments or something. Only it was a tie. Which makes it, I dunno, worse?

Looking on, their manager, Joachim Löw, was in a “state of shock,” unable to comprehend how his players had managed to throw away a 4-0 lead on home soil to a Sweden side that days earlier had scrambled to victory over Faroe Islands. Germany had drawn but it felt like a defeat.

Get A Job 101

October 16, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Hartz IV, Humor, Pirate Party, Pirates, Political Parties, Satire, Welfare Leave a comment

You couldn’t make this stuff up if you had to, people. Not that anybody cares about Germany’s Pirate Party anymore, but I do have to admit that these guys still keep coming up with real zingers.

The latest coup: The party’s general manager in Berlin, Johannes Ponader, up until now a proud and long-term welfare recipient, is now celebrating his closing with this stage of his life (for now, anyway) by openly calling for public donations to help him finance his hard-pressed, well, livelihood (or lack of it).

Strangely, this actually seems to have upset some of the other pirates out there (they seem a bit touchy these days for some reason) who think that maybe this might cause some kind of a Glaubwürdigkeitsdilemma (credibility dilemma) or something. As if.

Like I said, not that anybody cares anymore or anything.

“Hier entsteht der Eindruck, dass jemand politische Ideen mit persönlichen Vorteilen verknüpft.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Higher Education