FDP R.I.P. Greens With Envy.

September 23, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Elections, FDP, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Greens, Politics 3 Comments

With 4.8 percent, the FDP was well below the 5 percent needed to enter parliament, and 10 percent below their showing in 2009. For the first time since 1949, the liberals will not be represented nationally.

The Greens took 8.4% of the vote, enough to win representation in parliament, the Bundestag, but too little to form its preferred coalition with the Social Democratic Party, which won 25.7%.

“The FDP is tough. They have a deep history. They have representatives all over the country, including in the municipalities. They are deeply anchored in society, in the public – so it’s not yet the end of the FDP.”

Nach der Schlappe bei der Bundestagswahl will der Vorstand der Grünen geschlossen abtreten. Volker Beck zieht sich als Parlamentarischer Geschäftsführer zurück.

Now Get Out There And Vote!

September 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Berlin, Drunkenness, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire Leave a comment

German of the day: Bierleiche. This means “beer corpse.” You know, when one of those thirteen beers was bad?

Eineinhalb Stunden nach Beginn des Oktoberfests in München ist die erste Patientin mit Alkoholvergiftung in der Wiesn-Sanitätsstation gelandet – angeblich nach nur einem Bier. Normalerweise kommen die ersten Patienten aber schon früher.

I Got Your Center-Right For You Right Here

September 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Angela Merkel, Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Voting Leave a comment

Although it might as well be a center-left. Um, is there even a difference between the two in Germany anymore?

Two days before the vote, a survey by Forsa for private broadcaster RTL showed Merkel’s conservatives — the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and its sister Bavarian party the Christian Social Union (CSU) — 14 points ahead of the SPD, meaning she will almost surely return for a third term.

But her combined center-right bloc, which includes the business-friendly Free Democrats (FDP), was in a dead heat with left-leaning opposition parties, with both camps on 45 percent.

That makes the election in Europe’s largest economy too close to call.

“I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

September 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaigns, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Northhampton Clown, Peer Steinbrück, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

In Berlin of all places.

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”

Syria

September 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Sarin, Syria, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapons sale of the week – or between 2002 and 2006, I mean.*

Because somebody has to admire them.

*It was only just a few harmless tons of chemicals (111 tons worth) that could have been used to make sarin nerve gas but it was absolutely perfectly legal so don’t anybody out there get all hot and bothered about this, OK? Thanks. I know you wouldn’t.

Green Frontman REALLY “Regrets” It

September 17, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Juergen Trittin, Paedophilia, Political Parties, The Green Shirts 3 Comments

Less than a week before the election, I mean.

Germany’s Green party is under renewed pressure to defend its stance on paedophilia in the 1980s.

In a newspaper article, the historian Franz Walter had accused the Green’s co-leader, Jürgen Trittin, of signing off a 1981 pamphlet calling to abolish the decriminalisation of sexual acts between adults and children “that occur without the use or threat of force”. In response to the revelation, politicians from the Bavarian Christian Social Union have asked Trittin to withdraw his candidacy from the upcoming election.

Trittin is quoted in the article admitting that his party had failed to block a proposal by the activist group Homosexual Campaign Göttingen for such a measure to be included in the pamphlet. He told the paper that this was “also my mistake, which I regret”.

“Die Grünen sollten darüber nachdenken, ob sie mit dieser Besetzung weiter den Wahlkampf in der letzten Woche fortsetzen.”

Well You Can Buy Christmas Goodies Here In September, Too

September 15, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Christmas, Commercialism, Dirndl, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lederhosen, Marketing, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire, September Leave a comment

Go to any ALDI or LIDL these days if you don’t believe me (I prefer the Spekulatius myself).

So why should it surprise anybody that’s it’s October in September again already, too. Or nearly so. Prepare or be square.

Tip number 1: Go get your Lederhose NOW. Or a Dirndl, if your prefer. The same applies to the girls. Only after having put on one of these will you be able to celebrate the Oktoberfest in a really zünftig (hearty) fashion. And only after having put down two or three liters of Bier too, of course. But that goes without saying.

Nr. 1 – Das richtige Outfit: In Dirndl und Lederhosen feiert es sich einfach am zünftigsten. Diverse Online-Shops bieten eine große Auswahl für „Madln“ (=Mädels) und „Buam“ (=Jungs). Da aber beides perfekt sitzen soll, empfiehlt es sich, das Outfit vor Ort zu kaufen. Ein Tipp für die Damen: wird die Schleife der Dirndl-Schürze rechts gebunden, gilt Frau als vergeben, links bedeutet: „Ich bin noch zu haben.“

Talk To The Hands

September 13, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaign Posters, Campaigns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Hands, Humor, Merkel-Raute, Politics, Satire, Steinbruch, Stinkefinger Leave a comment

Or let them talk to you. It’s election time here in Germany. And these images below are forms of German politician hand-speak meant to subliminally woo undecided voters at the last minute. Or at least I can only assume that this is what this is meant to be.

“Volksnah” (in touch with the people) by the SPD.

“Bescheiden” (modest) by the FDP.

And “Ruhig” (serene) by the Chancellor herself.

Fingerspitzen sanft aneinandergedrückt, die Hände formen eine Raute – seit Jahren macht die deutsche Kanzlerin Angela Merkel immer wieder dieses “Geheimzeichen”. Und sie ist nicht mehr alleine…

PS: And everybody seems to be doing that Chancellor one these days.

1,700 Affordable Homes To Be Built At Tempelhof Airport?

September 12, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helections, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, Berlin, City Planning, Construction, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Homes, Humor, Tempelhof Leave a comment

Planned by Berlin’s city government? Shouldn’t they figure out how to build one affordable airport first?

I dunno. I still like that Tempelhof mountain thingy plan the best.

Tempelhof, whose stone-clad terminal built by the Nazis in the 1930s, was closed to air traffic in 2008 and its main building is used for events including an annual beer festival. The airfield, which has two runways, has been turned into parkland where visitors jog, roller-blade on the tarmac and barbecue.

Drive More Slowly, Take The Bus, Turn Off Your Lights, Turn Down The Heat, Ban Large Livestock Farming…

September 10, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Dictatorship, Ecology, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Paternalism, Political Parties, The Green Shirts, Verbotsrepublik Deutschland Leave a comment

To name just a very few popular (?) German Green initiatives.

“The Greens have this ‘ecological dictatorship’ feeling about them now. I used to always vote Greens. But not anymore. No one likes to be told what to do. It feels like the Greens are going to make everything more expensive.”

“Germans don’t have a sense of humor when it comes to cars and meat.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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