Germans Worried That Germans Are Spending Too Much

March 11, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Economy, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Imports, Satire, Saving, Spending, Worry 1 Comment

Now that they can’t worry about Germans spending too little for once, I mean.

Everything is geared for disaster here and every German knows it: Exports, imports, consumption, employment. You name it, it’s all working way too splendidly. Das kann nicht gut gehen (that’s never going to work out). Like oh my God we are all going to die.

Ausfuhren, Importe und Konsum laufen prächtig.

PS: But a little more on the serious side, what the hell else are you going to do with your money these days except spend it?

What The Frack?

March 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Energy, EU, Gas, Germany, Imports, Natural Gas, Pipelines, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

US-Amerikan gas has suddenly become a whole lot more attractive to Europeans these days for some strange reason.

“European nations…will, if no solution to this can be found, recast their approach to energy and economic links with Russia over time. Those are things over time which I think will mean this has been a serious miscalculation [by Russia],” British Foreign Secretary William Hague said.

Britain buys about 1% of its natural gas from Russia, but other European nations purchase more than a third of their needs, which means they wouldn’t be in a position to simply do without that supply, he said.

Angesichts der anhaltenden Spannungen in der Ukraine drohen europäische Politiker Russland mit Folgen im Energiemarkt. Europäische und amerikanische Politiker werden Verhandlungen über höhere US-Exporte nach Europa aufnehmen, sagte Großbritanniens Außenminister William Hague an.

Putin Clearly Shocked By EU Sanctions

March 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Aggression, Crimea, EU, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Satire, Ukraine 1 Comment

The European Union’s daring suspension of talks with Russia on something or other after Russia’s military incursion into Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula has shocked Russian president Vlad Putin so thoroughly that he has just been sighted wandering around in a shirtless daze on his shirtless horse somewhere near what is still the Ukrainian border but probably won’t be for very much longer.

Thank goodness he has not yet found out that the EU is also threatening even “tougher sanctions” unless Moscow swiftly defuses the crisis and Putin puts his shirt back on.

Meanwhile, Angela Merkel is still doing her damndest to put on the sanction brakes but has now announced that she is at least prepared to cast dirty looks at Putin, if he and his horse can be located. And if all else fails, of course.

Die Staats- und Regierungschefs der EU haben sich auf kleine Sanktionen gegen Russland verständigt.

Germany Still Exporting Too Much Stuff

March 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: EU, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Putin, Russia, Satire, Trade, Ukraine Leave a comment

The German export surplus is still threatening the rest of Europe, the European Commission says.

Berlin disagrees, of course, pointing out that it imports tons of stuff, too.

Germany imports 24 percent of Russia’s natural gas exports, for instance, more than any other European country. It also has an 8.7 percent share of Russia’s foreign trade. Germany is also Russia’s biggest oil market, taking almost 700,000 barrels a day back in 2012. No dependency here. So quit the moaning already, Brussels, and let us get back to work.

“Der Handlungsbedarf ist erheblich angesichts der Größe der deutschen Wirtschaft.”

Where’s Gazprom-Gerd When You Need Him?

March 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Diplomacy, Foreign Policy, Gerhard Schröder, German, Germans, Germany, Politics, Putin, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

Probably taking tea at the “dyed-in-the-wool democrat’s” dacha.

When it comes to Russia’s unsolicited visit to Ukraine, German officials go out of their way to say that gas, money or jobs play absolutely no role in Berlin’s predictably soft-spoken, low-keyed, muffled, namby-pamby, wussy, pantywaisted and yellow bellied response to said unfortunate visit.

So now we all know of course that gas, money and jobs are probably playing the biggest role in Berlin’s said sad response to said event.

“Imposing sanctions on Russia because of Ukraine would put German jobs in danger.”

Colombia

March 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Weapons, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

PS: But don’t sweat about this one, folks. This sale is illegal, too (thank goodness).

Germany Still Threatened By Fukushima

March 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Atomic power, Disasters, Earthquakes, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Natural Catastrophes, Nuclear power, Satire 3 Comments

Or by the ghost of Fukushima, I should say.

Danger! Danger! More “experts” issuing expert warnings here again: Nearly three years have passed since the Fukushima disaster in Japan and Germany is still not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident, the Süddeutsche Zeitung reports.

I can only assume that they mean being not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident caused by a magnitude 9.0 undersea megathrust earthquake hitting somewhere off the coast of Bremerhaven in a region of the world that doesn’t “do” earthquakes and causing a massive tsunami that could wipe out one of Germany’s coastal power plants, or maybe even one in Bavaria, provided, of course, that said tsunami could still find a German nuclear power plant that was still in operation, which is very doubtful indeed, but still.

Nope. You can never be prepared enough when it comes to preparing for one of those worst conceivable and most completely unpredictable natural disasters like-in-recorded-history-type-disasters that has already happened somewhere else, I guess.

Deutschland ist nicht ausreichend auf einen nuklearen Störfall vorbereitet.

An Anti-Semitic Caricature?

February 26, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Anti-Semitism, Caricatures, Facebook, Jews, Journalism, Mark Zuckerberg, Nazis, Newspapers, Technophobia 3 Comments

In Germany? Today? No way.

Or way?

Hard to say.

Uh. German anti-Facebook technophobia is one thing, but like what on earth were they thinking (or drinking?) over there at the Süddeutsche Zeitung when they put out this one?

“If anyone has any doubts about the anti-Semitic dimension of the cartoon, we can point to Mark Zuckerberg’s very prominent nose, which is not the case in real life.”

I CAN Stop Watching It

February 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor Tags: Advertising, Aging, Commercials, Friedrich Liechtenstein, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Supergeil, Supermarkets, Videos 3 Comments

But it does kind of rock. I guess.

The dude you can find anywhere. But the women that work in my supermarket just don’t look like that. Well that one does…

Judging from this commercial, German supermakets are much more fun—or at least more bizarre—than their American counterparts.

Germans Don’t Trust German Politicians

February 21, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Politicians, Polls, Professions, Salaries, Satire, Surveys, Trust 1 Comment

But German politicians do.

That’s why they just gave themselves a big raise. They’ll now be receiving 830 euros a month more and take in over 9000 (not counting all the other benefits, of course). And this particular Bundestag vote was 464 yes, 115 no and 10 abstentions.

Firemen, paramedics and nurses are held in high regard in Germany and 22 other countries, a current study says. People trust them the most. Only 15 percent of Germans trust politicians, however.

Feuerwehrleute, Sanitäter und Krankenpfleger sind in Deutschland und weiteren 22 Ländern hoch angesehen. Ihnen vertrauen die Menschen einer aktuellen Studie zufolge am meisten. Nur 15 Prozent der Deutschen vertrauen den Politikern.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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