Putin Clearly Shocked By EU Sanctions

March 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Aggression, Crimea, EU, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Satire, Ukraine 1 Comment

The European Union’s daring suspension of talks with Russia on something or other after Russia’s military incursion into Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula has shocked Russian president Vlad Putin so thoroughly that he has just been sighted wandering around in a shirtless daze on his shirtless horse somewhere near what is still the Ukrainian border but probably won’t be for very much longer.

Thank goodness he has not yet found out that the EU is also threatening even “tougher sanctions” unless Moscow swiftly defuses the crisis and Putin puts his shirt back on.

Meanwhile, Angela Merkel is still doing her damndest to put on the sanction brakes but has now announced that she is at least prepared to cast dirty looks at Putin, if he and his horse can be located. And if all else fails, of course.

Die Staats- und Regierungschefs der EU haben sich auf kleine Sanktionen gegen Russland verständigt.

Germany Still Exporting Too Much Stuff

March 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: EU, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Putin, Russia, Satire, Trade, Ukraine Leave a comment

The German export surplus is still threatening the rest of Europe, the European Commission says.

Berlin disagrees, of course, pointing out that it imports tons of stuff, too.

Germany imports 24 percent of Russia’s natural gas exports, for instance, more than any other European country. It also has an 8.7 percent share of Russia’s foreign trade. Germany is also Russia’s biggest oil market, taking almost 700,000 barrels a day back in 2012. No dependency here. So quit the moaning already, Brussels, and let us get back to work.

“Der Handlungsbedarf ist erheblich angesichts der Größe der deutschen Wirtschaft.”

Where’s Gazprom-Gerd When You Need Him?

March 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Diplomacy, Foreign Policy, Gerhard Schröder, German, Germans, Germany, Politics, Putin, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

Probably taking tea at the “dyed-in-the-wool democrat’s” dacha.

When it comes to Russia’s unsolicited visit to Ukraine, German officials go out of their way to say that gas, money or jobs play absolutely no role in Berlin’s predictably soft-spoken, low-keyed, muffled, namby-pamby, wussy, pantywaisted and yellow bellied response to said unfortunate visit.

So now we all know of course that gas, money and jobs are probably playing the biggest role in Berlin’s said sad response to said event.

“Imposing sanctions on Russia because of Ukraine would put German jobs in danger.”

Colombia

March 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Weapons, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

PS: But don’t sweat about this one, folks. This sale is illegal, too (thank goodness).

Germany Still Threatened By Fukushima

March 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Atomic power, Disasters, Earthquakes, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Natural Catastrophes, Nuclear power, Satire 3 Comments

Or by the ghost of Fukushima, I should say.

Danger! Danger! More “experts” issuing expert warnings here again: Nearly three years have passed since the Fukushima disaster in Japan and Germany is still not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident, the Süddeutsche Zeitung reports.

I can only assume that they mean being not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident caused by a magnitude 9.0 undersea megathrust earthquake hitting somewhere off the coast of Bremerhaven in a region of the world that doesn’t “do” earthquakes and causing a massive tsunami that could wipe out one of Germany’s coastal power plants, or maybe even one in Bavaria, provided, of course, that said tsunami could still find a German nuclear power plant that was still in operation, which is very doubtful indeed, but still.

Nope. You can never be prepared enough when it comes to preparing for one of those worst conceivable and most completely unpredictable natural disasters like-in-recorded-history-type-disasters that has already happened somewhere else, I guess.

Deutschland ist nicht ausreichend auf einen nuklearen Störfall vorbereitet.

An Anti-Semitic Caricature?

February 26, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Anti-Semitism, Caricatures, Facebook, Jews, Journalism, Mark Zuckerberg, Nazis, Newspapers, Technophobia 3 Comments

In Germany? Today? No way.

Or way?

Hard to say.

Uh. German anti-Facebook technophobia is one thing, but like what on earth were they thinking (or drinking?) over there at the Süddeutsche Zeitung when they put out this one?

“If anyone has any doubts about the anti-Semitic dimension of the cartoon, we can point to Mark Zuckerberg’s very prominent nose, which is not the case in real life.”

I CAN Stop Watching It

February 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor Tags: Advertising, Aging, Commercials, Friedrich Liechtenstein, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Supergeil, Supermarkets, Videos 3 Comments

But it does kind of rock. I guess.

The dude you can find anywhere. But the women that work in my supermarket just don’t look like that. Well that one does…

Judging from this commercial, German supermakets are much more fun—or at least more bizarre—than their American counterparts.

Germans Don’t Trust German Politicians

February 21, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Politicians, Polls, Professions, Salaries, Satire, Surveys, Trust 1 Comment

But German politicians do.

That’s why they just gave themselves a big raise. They’ll now be receiving 830 euros a month more and take in over 9000 (not counting all the other benefits, of course). And this particular Bundestag vote was 464 yes, 115 no and 10 abstentions.

Firemen, paramedics and nurses are held in high regard in Germany and 22 other countries, a current study says. People trust them the most. Only 15 percent of Germans trust politicians, however.

Feuerwehrleute, Sanitäter und Krankenpfleger sind in Deutschland und weiteren 22 Ländern hoch angesehen. Ihnen vertrauen die Menschen einer aktuellen Studie zufolge am meisten. Nur 15 Prozent der Deutschen vertrauen den Politikern.

Germans Beat The Pants Off Everybody Else

February 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Gold Medals, Humor, Nakedness, Nudity, Satire, Sports, Winter Olympics 2 Comments

And they are doing this by not wearing any pants themselves.

Germany has now clearly taken the lead in the Winter Olympics by once again coming out victorious in the naked sledging competition.

Huh? What do you mean this isn’t an Olympic event?

Not to be put off by the mild temperatures, an artificial ski slope was created.

Kool Klips

February 14, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Film Festivals, Films, Humor, Movies, Satire, Stars 2 Comments

In this here Berlinale article, I mean.

And this is mainly because none of these clips have been taken from any of the films that are being shown here at the Berlinale this year.

You know it’s Berlinale time when coffee has been spilled all over the benches in the Sony Center early in the morning already.

Du weißt, es ist Berlinale, wenn… Dir irgendjemand nach Ende des letzten Berlinale-Tages erzählt, dass er es jetzt schon kaum erwarten kann, wenn das Filmfestival nächsten Winter wieder in die Stadt kommt.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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