McDonald’s Wastes 600000 Liters Of Water With Every Happy Meal Served

March 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Fast Food, German, Germans, Germany, Guilt, Humor, McDonald's, Reports, Satire, Waste, Water, WWF 2 Comments

Give or take a 0 or two, of course. And this is shocking. And bad.

The use of this water – used primarily for the cultivation of potatoes and grain, the feeding of livestock and the manufacture of beverages for McDonald’s customers – needs to be stopped immediately.

It could be used much more efficiently, or so the current WWF reports imply, if it were used for the cultivation of potatoes and grain, the feeding of livestock and the manufacture of beverages instead.

So stop eating fast food already and thus provide the rest of the world with this otherwise wasted water (“Over 60000000000000000000000000… liters served!”). What an epiphany. Why hadn’t anyone figured out this simple, simple truth long, long ago?

Burger, Pommes frites und ein Softdrink: Schon die Produktion eines einzigen Fast-Food-Menüs verbraucht nach WWF-Berechnungen 6000 Liter Wasser.

Germany Still Threatened By Fukushima

March 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Atomic power, Disasters, Earthquakes, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Natural Catastrophes, Nuclear power, Satire 3 Comments

Or by the ghost of Fukushima, I should say.

Danger! Danger! More “experts” issuing expert warnings here again: Nearly three years have passed since the Fukushima disaster in Japan and Germany is still not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident, the Süddeutsche Zeitung reports.

I can only assume that they mean being not adequately prepared for a nuclear incident caused by a magnitude 9.0 undersea megathrust earthquake hitting somewhere off the coast of Bremerhaven in a region of the world that doesn’t “do” earthquakes and causing a massive tsunami that could wipe out one of Germany’s coastal power plants, or maybe even one in Bavaria, provided, of course, that said tsunami could still find a German nuclear power plant that was still in operation, which is very doubtful indeed, but still.

Nope. You can never be prepared enough when it comes to preparing for one of those worst conceivable and most completely unpredictable natural disasters like-in-recorded-history-type-disasters that has already happened somewhere else, I guess.

Deutschland ist nicht ausreichend auf einen nuklearen Störfall vorbereitet.

Creepy Corn Coming (And I Don’t Care)

February 11, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: 1507, Bees, Corn, Food, Genetically-Modified Food, German, Germans, Germany, GM Food, Humor, Protest, Satire, Science 3 Comments

Ghastly, genetically modified creepy corn.

Creepy corn without a name. Creepy corn that isn’t even spelled with a capital K. Corn so creepy that it only has a creepy number; the nasty and nightmarish 1507. Corn devised in some creepy laboratory somewhere in the United States of Creepy Amerika.

Insect-resistant, creepy, nameless and K-less corn. Creepy corn that Germans dressed up like bees simply must say Nein! to. Corn that must be stopped at all costs.

Corn declared safe by the European Food Standards Authority. But still.

“Wir erkennen die Vorbehalte des Großteils der Bevölkerung gegenüber der grünen Gentechnik an.”

Shia LaBeouf Now No Longer Famous

February 10, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Films, Hollywood, Humor, Notoriety, Satire, Shia LaBeouf, Stars Leave a comment

And all it took was a short visit to the Berlinale in Berlin.

He certainly knew what he was doing. The films that they play here are no longer famous, either.

Dieser Eintrag im Berlinaleblog ist nicht leicht gefallen. Denn er wird genau das bewirken, was der Autor eigentlich kritisieren will: Dass es in der modernen Mediengesellschaft eine wirkungsvolle Strategie ist, durch Pöbeln und Rüpeln Aufmerksamkeit zu erzeugen.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

February 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, Employment, Free Lunch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Retirement, Satire, Scams, SPD 2 Comments

Ein Frührentner (an early retiree). Please laugh, but please also be assured that I personally know a German teenager who actually answered this question this way and was NOT joking.

And this really shouldn’t come as a surprise in a country where, according to the latest poll, 53 percent of the employed don’t plan to work past the age of 63 and barely one third of them expect to work until the “official” reitrement age of 65. Or is it 67 now? Wait, or is it 63 doch (after all)?

At any rate, whatever the official German retirement age may be, rest assured that it will not be the age at which the majority of Germans will be retiring.

Ein knappes Drittel will dagegen bis zum regulären Renteneintrittsalter weiterarbeiten.

US Government Officials Want To Kill Me

January 27, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Paranoia, Satire, Treachery, Treason, Whining 1 Comment

A whining Edward Snowden has told German television in an exclusive interview.

US citizen just wants him to finally shut up and to PLEASE go away already for crying out loud, says a thoroughly disgusted me.

“These people, and they are government officials, have said they would love to put a bullet in my head or poison me when I come out of the supermarket, and then watch as I die in the shower.”

German Soldiers Just Can’t Take It Anymore

January 13, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria Tags: Armies, Bundeswehr, Early Retirement, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Soldiers 2 Comments

That’s why 6000 of them (half the German army?) have now put in for early retirement.

No war is hell, too.

Flexibles System der Kinderbetreuung, mehr Tagesmütter für Randzeiten, Teilzeitmöglichkeiten mit einer Drei-oder Viertagewoche in der Familienphase, ein Lebensarbeitszeitkonto für Überstunden. Auch will sie sich das System der nahezu automatischen Versetzungen alle zwei bis drei Jahre „genau ansehen“ und Schluss mit dauernden Ortswechseln machen.

PS: And thank goodness this just came in. Here are the top 10 places for Frührentner (early-retirees) and other retiree types to, well, retire around at (International Living Annual Global Retirement Index 2014).

Silvester Still More Deadly Than Atomkraft

January 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Accidents, Celebrations, Danger, Fatalities, Fireworks, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, New Year's Eve, Nuclear energy, Psychology 2 Comments

More Germans get injured and die EVERY year by fireworks while celebrating on New Year’s Eve than have ever been injured by German nuclear power plants (no fatalities).

Especially now, I suppose, now that the last few reactors running will soon be turned off for good.

No, I haven’t the slightest idea what the connection is here, either. Ha! Other than perhaps… Germans FEEL that nuclear energy is more dangerous although they KNOW that getting drunk and shooting rockets at one another is a very real and present danger. And hey, what you FEEL wins. Loses?

System One Thinking: System one thinking is automatic, unconscious, lightening fast and generates strong feelings of certainty. System one decisions are difficult to put into words other than ‘it feels right’.

Zerfetzte Hände, schwere Verbrennungen, Tod: Die Silvesternacht hat nicht nur viel Freude, sondern auch einiges Leid gebracht. Mehrere Menschen starben durch Raketen und Böller, andere stürzten aus dem Fenster oder vom Balkon.

Real Germans Don’t Tweet

December 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Amazon, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Google Zeitgeist, Humor, Innovation, Satire, Searh Items, Technology, Twitter 2 Comments

According to Semiocast, an analyst, Germany ranks 31st worldwide in terms of public tweets, with 59m per year. Germany’s 82m people have just 4m Twitter accounts. That puts it 22nd in the world, behind not only European neighbours like Britain (population 63m, 45m accounts) or Spain (population 47m, 16m accounts) but also Turkey (population 75m, 11m accounts) and the Philippines (population 98m, 8.6m accounts).

But they do like to google, however. Although what they googled most in election year 2013 is another matter. The number one German search item was Wahl-O-Mat, an online election tool that tells you who to vote for.

And Amazon didn’t even make the short list. That’s because it’s “designed for world domination,” I assume.

“Innovation erfordert den Willen, über einen langen Zeitraum missverstanden zu werden.”

“On The Run From The Henchmen Of His Homeland”

December 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Brazil, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Russia, Satire, Surveillance, Treason, Whistleblowing Leave a comment

Concerned Germans everywhere (note the red scarf) weren’t quite concerned enough to actually offer poor and misunderstood professional leaker/Russian tourist Edward Snowden political asylum, but now they all hope in unison that Brazil will (tons of Germans have found refuge there in the past, you know).

Otherwise those awful henchmen/bogeymen from that horrible homeland of his might just get him and, well, we don’t even want to THINK about what could possibly happen to him then!

Ex-NSA-Mitarbeiter Edward Snowden will auf seiner Flucht vor den Häschern seines Heimatlandes offenbar nach Brasilien weiterreisen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hypochondria