Nothing New And Nothing Improved

September 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Banking, Banks, Berlin, Debt Crisis, Elections, Euro Crisis, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany, Political Parties, Regulation, Socialism, SPD, Steinbrück, The Three Stooges Leave a comment

That tired old SPD.

With three tired old SPD guys trying to decide which one of them will have to be the one tired old SPD guy who will have to be the contender in next year’s election against the ridiculously popular Angela Merkel.

So like one of them, former Finance Minister Peer Steinbrück, threw his hat into the ring yesterday, sort of.

His angle? Eat the banks. Split their investment and retail units and have them create their own rescue fund and make them be good and nice again like they used to be in the past (I guess) als die Welt noch in Ordnung war (when the world was still in order).

Been there, done that. Yawn already. Bring out the next stooge and let’s get him over with, too.

“Banks are service providers and not betting shops.”

The Amazing Disappearing Political Party

September 25, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Anarchy, Berlin, Chaos, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Ideology, Political Parties, Satire, The Pirate Party, The Pirates Leave a comment

Who says that in-fighting and a complete absence of credibility, character, policy, tactics or strategy can’t get you anywhere? It got Germany’s Pirate Party to nowhere fast. So you better take one quick look at them while you still can.

They’re down to five percent in the polls at the moment, and sinking fast. But let’s move on now and just try to remember them for all the good things they accomplished while they were still here among the living (hell if I know, I thought you might have).

Die Piraten liegen einer neuen Umfrage zufolge nur noch bei fünf Prozent und müssen damit um den Einzug in den Bundestag bangen.

Oompah, Oompah, $12.30, Please

September 23, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Beer, Berlin, Drinking, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Oktoberfest, Partying, Rituals, Satire, Tradition 2 Comments

€9.50 ($12.30) for an Oktoberfest beer? And that in September?

Damn that must be good brew.

Before long, even the most hard-bitten cynics can’t help but climb up on a bench (dancing on tables is frowned upon) and belt out the lyrics of newly learned folk song.

Internet Making Germans Dumber

September 21, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Digital Media, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Intelligence, IQ, Paranoia, Psychology, Research, Satire, Studies, The Internet 1 Comment

It’s called “Digitale Demenz” (Digital Dementia) or something.

“Avoid digital media,” one smart German is warning his countrymen. “As shown here many times over, they truly do make us fat, dumb, aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy.”

Nice try, buddy. But what you’ve failed to consider here (being a German yourelf), is that Germans don’t need any help from anybody or anything at any time when it comes to being aggressive, lonely, sick and unhappy. They’re naturals at it. As for the Internet making them fat and dumb, well, OK. If you say so.

The strange thing though is that everywhere else on Planet Earth it appears as if the Internet is actually making us smarter. Whatever. I guess maybe that’s how it is with Deutsche Sonderwege (German separate paths), it’s the exception that always proves the rule.

Such findings refute the claims of those who warn that humanity is getting dumber. We’re “amusing ourselves to death,” American media theorist and critic Neil Postman argued in a 1985 book of the same name. Postman blamed television for a decline in cognitive skills. Since then, however, the average IQ in the US has risen by nearly 10 points.

Kraut ist Out

September 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Cliches, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Nationality, Nations, Satire, Stereotypes 3 Comments

The new German national stereotypes are in! From the furious citizen to power Ossis, they’re everywhere these days. My personal favorite here is the Bio-Bourgeois (Organic Bourgeois).

“The German Organic Bourgeois still recycle their garbage, but donate about half the amount to charitable organizations that their British counterparts do. The Organic Bourgeois select their own green power providers, carry handmade linen shopping bags and drink their own favorite organic limonade brands, but that’s about it.”

Bio-Bourgeois recyclen ihren Müll, geben jedoch nur halb so viel Spenden für Wohlfahrtsverbände aus wie ihre britischen Pendants. Der Bio-Bourgeois sucht sich einen Ökostromanbieter, trägt eine handgemachte Leinentasche oder trinkt eine Bio-Marken-Limonade, aber mehr auch nicht.

Egalitarian German Society Does It Better

September 18, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Equality, Fairness, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rich and Poor, Satire, Society, Wealth, Wealth Distribution Leave a comment

Or wasn’t that the impression you always got? It’s certainly the one you’re supposed to get.

Take wealth distribution, for instance: The gap between the rich and poor continues to grow in Germany. A report commissioned by the German government on poverty and wealth indicates that private net assets have risen sharply and are up to €1.4 trillion ($1.83 trillion), with the upper 10 percent of German households possesing more than half of the country’s wealth.

Crisis? What crisis? Boy I tell you, it’s a damned good thing that Germans are always there ready to pass on their valuable wealth distribution advice to us (as U.S.). I mean, it’s not like they’re ever going to need it or anything.

So asozial ist Deutschland.

What Are 20,000 Jobs?

September 17, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Coal-Burning Power Plants, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Ideology, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Satire, Solar energy, The Green Shirts, Wind Energy 1 Comment

If they are being offered for the sake of Germany’s beloved Energiewende (energy turnaround), I mean (and if you’re not one of the 20,000, of course)?

There is a certain logic here. I think. First you phase out German nuclear power plants because of the Fukushima disaster in Japan (I still haven’t figured out this part yet), then you phase out thousands of Japanese jobs due to the loses incurred by the energy companies due to this hasty (as in immediate) phase-out.

Oops, sorry. I just took a closer look at the article. Those are German jobs that are about to be phased-out, of course. Duh. Look folks, I’m not a German energy turnaround expert here you know. Forgive me for the confusion. Technically, it’s not even mine. I’m just trying to pass it on as best I can.

Branche verliert durch Atomausstieg Geld – Eine Reihe von Studien hatte in früheren Jahren bereist festgestellt, dass der Netto-Effekt der Ökostrom-Subventionen auf dem Arbeitsmarkt bestenfalls Null ist.

Are We Having A Middle East Policy Yet?

September 16, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Foreign Policy, German, Germans, Germany, Islam, Mayhem, Middle East, Muslims, Obama, Politics, Riots Leave a comment

Some German commentators argue that the violence shows that Obama’s Middle East policies have failed.

“US President Barack Obama’s Middle East policy is in ruins. Like no president before him, he tried to win over the Arab world. After some initial hesitation, he came out clearly on the side of the democratic revolutions. … In this context, he must accept the fact that he has snubbed old close allies such as Israel, Saudi Arabia and the Egyptian military. And now parts of the freed societies are turning against the country which helped bring them into being. Anti-Americanism in the Arab world has even increased to levels greater than in the Bush era. It’s a bitter outcome for Obama.”

“Obama was naive to believe that one only needed to adopt a new tone and show more respect in order to dispel deep-seated reservations about the free world. In practice, the policies of the Obama administration in the region were not as naive as they may have seemed at times, and the Americans have always been much more involved in the Middle East than the passive Europeans. But Washington has provided the image of a distracted superpower in the process of decline to the societies there. This image of weakness is being exploited by Salafists and al-Qaida, who are active in North Africa from Somalia to Mali.”

“One thing is clear: If jihadists believe they can attack American installations and kill an ambassador on the anniversary of Sept. 11, then America’s deterrent power has declined considerably. For a superpower, it is not enough just to want to be loved. You have to scare the bad guys to keep them in check.”

The German Embassy Got Stormed?

September 14, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Health, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Anarchy, Berlin, Chaos, Films, German, Germans, Germany, Innocence of Muslims, Islam, Mayhem, Muslims, Riots, Violence Leave a comment

Who cares? The KFC got torched.

Good thing that this was a day of prayer. Otherwise the violence would have been much worse.

Die Botschaft hat nach Angaben des Außenministeriums teilweise in Flammen gestanden. Laut Berichten aus Khartum befestigten die Angreifer zudem eine schwarze Flagge mit arabischer Aufschrift am Eingang.

The German Petty Bourgeoisie At Its/Their Best

September 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anarchy, Berlin, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The German Left, Tourism 1 Comment

One thing that all Germans have in common is their absolute disgust for all things kleinbürgerlich (petty bourgeois). You know; being small-minded, scrupulously orderly, old fashioned, reactionary, banal, provencial, dilettante and, well, “square?”

Another thing that all Germans have in common is that they are small-minded, scrupulously orderly, old fashioned, reactionary, banal, provencial, dilettante and, well, “square.” You know, kleinbürgerlich?

Take this latest tourist-bashing craze going on by the Enlightened Left in Berlin (the way coolest, least kleinbürglich city in Germany), please:

“Noisy tourists go home!” reads one hostile sign in the eastern district of Friedrichshain. “Berlin doesn’t love you,” say stickers plastering traffic lights in nearby Kreuzberg.

A gallery in an area known for its trendy bars featured for months a scrawled sign in the window: “Sorry, no entry for hipsters from the U.S.”

Being petty bourgeois here isn’t pretty, folks. It never has been. But it sure is petty. And somebody’s got to do it. I just wish they’re weren’t so many volounteers here all the time.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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