German Of The Day: Datenschutz

December 6, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: Bundeswehr, Data Privacy, German, Germans, Germany, Iraq, ISIS, Language, Reconnaissance, Syria 1 Comment

That means data privacy and Germans are notoriously big on that, as you well know.

Take Germany’s planned reconnaissance flights over Syria and Iraq, for instance. Germans are so concerned about data privacy that they are already planning not to share the intelligence they might gather there with their allies. Sicher ist sicher (better safe than sorry).

The aircraft are expected to operate from Incirlik airbase in southern Turkey, and as Nato allies, the two countries would normally expect to share intelligence. But German commanders are concerned Turkey may use surveillance information from the flights to direct attacks against Kurdish forces allied to the West.

Deutscher Anti-IS-Einsatz: Berlin will Aufklärungsdaten für Türkei zensieren

Then We’ll Send Our Better Half

December 3, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, NATO, Syria 1 Comment

Syria conflict: Half of German Tornado jets ‘not airworthy’

Ain’t no big deal, as German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen has stressed, because Germany only needs to send six Tornado jets for the proposed mission against Islamic State (IS) militants in Syria. Six that maybe ought to be halfway operational, she means.

This German war machine, she is stll broken, señor (thank goodness weapons exports are still A-OK, though).

“Die Lage der fliegenden Systeme bleibt unbefriedigend.”

German Of The Day: Aufklärungstornados

November 27, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Paris, Syria, Terror, Tornadoes 1 Comment

That means reconnaissance Tornadoes.

The Paris attacks brought changes: Germany has pledged “any form of support” to France in its fight against terrorism. Right now, it looks like the German military will deploy its Tornado reconnaissance jets…

Reconnaissance jets have already been used in international military missions, for example, in the Balkans and Afghanistan. There, up to six German Tornados supplied their NATO partners with information about Taliban positions. The pictures are taken with cameras attached to the fuselage of the fighter bombers. After the planes have completed their mission and landed, the film must be developed and analyzed, which takes some time, but the images have a much higher resolution and are much more detailed than other types of aerial photography.

Deutsche Fotos für den Luftkrieg der anderen

Germany To Double Its Presence In Mali to 18 Men

November 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, France, German, Germans, Germany, Mali, Paris, Terror, Terrorism, War Leave a comment

Eager to help its neighbor France redistribute its military forces in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris, and keen to stay out of harm’s way while pretending to have a real military of its own, Germany has generously volunteered to increase the number of its already sizable forces presently stationed in Mali. Some sources close to the chicly coiffed head of the German war machine herself have even suggested that she may even actually double the number to a full 18 men (that’s a 1 and an 8). Personen (persons), I mean.

Meanwhile… Earlier on Tuesday, French President Francois Hollande said the French aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle would head to the eastern Mediterranean offshore areas of Syria and Lebanon, instead of the Persian Gulf as previously announced, to support military operations against the Islamic State (IS) extremist group.

Die Bundeswehr beteiligt sich an der UN-Mission Minusma in Mali derzeit unterstützend mit neun Soldaten.

PS: When Germans say nein they mean nine, damn it.

Call Of Duty Gamer Accidentally Takes Over German Missile Battery

July 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Bundeswehr, Computers, Defense, Games, Hackers, Hacking, Humor, Patriot Missiles, Satire, Turkey Leave a comment

Or he’s just that good. Apparently the same guy who ruined the Bundestag’s computer network last month, an overzealous German Call of Duty gamer has now managed to get a German Patriot missile battery stationed in Turkey to carry out several strange and “unexplained” orders.

One of them was for pizza, too, I bet.

“I don’t think it’s actually happened, which is not to say that some of these systems are not hackable in some way. It is possible in some way perhaps to detect the presence of it, but anything more than that is going to take some serious skills.”

Forget The Ploughshares

June 19, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking Tags: Bundeswehr, Cold War, Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Iron Curtain, Military Bases, NATO, Pacifism, Putin, Ukraine 3 Comments

We’re going to turn our old Cold War military bases into wildlife preserves.

The German government has announced plans to convert 62 disused military bases just west of the Iron Curtain into nature reserves for eagles, woodpeckers, bats, and beetles (personally, I wouldn’t trust a woodpecker as far as I could throw one).

Jeepers. It’s not like Germany has a need for a military presence anymore or anything.

“We are fortunate that we can now give these places back to nature,” says German Environment Minister Barbara Hendricks. Whatever that is. Nature, I mean.

Know Your Friends

June 10, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Military, NATO, Polls, Russia, Studies, Ukraine 2 Comments

You know, like you know your enemies? But with friends like this…

According to a Pew Research Center study, only 38 percent of Germans would want to help a NATO country if it were to be attacked by Russia. Far more than half of those asked would be against it. So much for NATO’s Article 5.

Das ist im Vergleich mit anderen Nato-Ländern die größte Ablehnung militärischer Hilfe nach Artikel 5 des Nato-Vertrags, der im Angriffsfall die gemeinsame Verteidigung vorsieht. In Italien (51 Prozent), Frankreich (53) und Spanien (47) sind die Werte der Umfrage zufolge etwas niedriger, während in Polen und Großbritannien fast die Hälfte der Befragten für eine militärische Unterstützung wäre.

Bundeswehr To Become Even More Effeminate

May 31, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Armies, Bundeswehr, Combat, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Politics, Quotas, Satire, Ursula von der Leyen, Women Leave a comment

Who would have thought that? Only eleven percent of German troops are currently women. This must change, of course.

German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen, herself one of the eleven percent, has decided that in the medium-term, the percentage of women currently not doing anything that other soldiers in other armies do (some call it combat) must be increased to 20 percent.

The reason behind this appears to be that by effectively reducing the combat strength of an army, this will effectively increase the combat strength of an army. Not your own army or anything, but still.

The inglorious Bundeswehr: The German army was never meant to function on its own. Now it barely functions at all.

Elf Prozent der Truppe ist derzeit weiblich. Verteidigungsministerin Ursula von der Leyen will diesen Wert verbessern und ruft ein neues Ziel aus: “Auf mittlere Sicht” soll der Frauenanteil auf 20 Prozent steigen.

Border Patrol German-Style

May 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Africa, Asylum Seekers, Bundeswehr, EU, Euro Zone, Europe, Germany, Mediterranean, Military, Navy, Refugees, Syria Leave a comment

German marines have rescued 200 (now over 400) refugees shortly after launching two ships to scour waters between Africa and Europe.

The ship “Hessen” evacuated the boat in distress about 250 kilometers south of the Italian island Lampedusa. The refugees were brought to an Italian port, the German army said after discussions with Italian marine rescue officials.

The “Hessen,” along with the “Berlin,” also a Bundeswehr ship, were warned of a refugee distress situation on Monday morning. The ships had begun their search mission on Tuesday, when they sailed from Crete towards the sea area between Libya and Italy.

Gun Never To Be Used In Combat Doesn’t Meet The Bundeswehr’s Tough Never To Be Used In Combat Standards

March 31, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Assault Rifles, Bundeswehr, G36, German, Germans, Germany, Heckler & Koch, Ursula von der Leyen 1 Comment

After several years of investigation, the German Bundeswehr has confirmed that the light profile of its Heckler & Koch G36 barrels are leading to accuracy problems in the field, Reuters reported. The rifle’s accuracy opens up after sustained fully-automatic fire, which heats up the barrel, causing the point of impact to shift.

So like now the German defense ministry under defense minister Ursula von der Leyen is considering issuing a different rifle that will never be used in combat, either but will at least meet the Bundeswehr’s stringent never to be used in combat standards.

Noch soll das Gewehr, von dem die Bundeswehr knapp 180.000 Stück angeschafft hat, im Einsatz bleiben. Ministerin von der Leyen kündigte aber bereits an, man müsse nach den neuen Tests prüfen, ob die Truppe “auf mittlere Sicht mit einem anderen Sturmgewehr ausgerüstet werden muss”.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Bundeswehr