We’re Number One!

May 29, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Birth Rates, Demographics, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Jobs, Statistics, Studies Leave a comment

When it comes to not having children.

A new study has determined that Germany not only has the lowest birth rate in Europe, it has the lowest birth rate on Planet Earth itself. In the past five years Germany has managed to produce a less than whopping 8.3 children per 1000 inhabitants. That edges the country past the previous Japanese champions who apparently couldn’t keep their hands off each other during the same period and now squeeze out some 8.4 children per 1000 inhabitants.

But what’s this with these .3 and .4 kids, gals?

Meanwhile, in an unrelated story… Another study indicates that Germany will face a massive labor deficit by the year 2030. In a mere 15 years, that is, between 6.1 and 7.8 million workers will be missing in the country.

And it could get worse. Large sections of the German population just disappear out of nowhere here from time to time, too.

Danach wurden in den vergangenen fünf Jahren im Durchschnitt 8,3 Kinder je 1000 Einwohner geboren. Das liegt unter dem Niveau des bisherigen Schlusslichts Japan von 8,4 Kindern je 1000 Einwohner.

Germans To Be Replaced By Robots

May 3, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Hurt Feelings Tags: Demographics, Employment, Germany, Humor, Robots, Satire, Work 4 Comments

Maybe this continued drop in Germany’s population isn’t such a bad thing after all. It will open up more employment opportunities for R2D2 & Co.

A study by ING-Diba Bank indicates that in the medium to long-term, 59 percent of German jobs are directly threatened by robotics and other technologies.

“We have taken the robot out of the cage.”

Foreigners Have Lower Chances Of Getting A Job Than Germans Do?

October 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Discrimination, Employment, Foreigners, German, Germans, Germany, Islam, Jobs, Salafists, Security, Terrorism Leave a comment

In Germany? Wow, that’s a real shocker. Who would have expected that?

Maybe they’ve been applying at the wrong places, though. This radical Salifist dude here had no trouble getting a job working in the highly sensitive baggage handling section at Düsseldorf Airport, for instance. Despite having an intensive security check done on him first, I mean.

Think positive, folks. You can do it. You just have to get out there and show a little private initiative, I always say.

Der 27-Jährige wird zum Umfeld des deutschen Salafisten Sven Lau gerechnet. Er soll zu jenen Männern gehören, die Anfang September in Wuppertal als “Scharia-Polizei” aufgetreten waren.

PS: “The best thing in sports, period: Game 7.” Go Giants!

A Third Of The World Wants To Work In Germany?

October 27, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Higher Education Tags: Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Jobs, Studies, Travel, Work 1 Comment

That’s strange because 56 percent of Germans would prefer to work abroad (and 35 percent of those would like to work in the United States).

Germany is the number one non-English speaking destination for migrant workers, according to a global study. It ranked as the fourth most popular place to work abroad globally, after the US, UK and Canada respectively. One third of the 200,000 respondents surveyed said they’d like to move to the country.

“German jobseekers don’t necessarily associate going abroad with getting a better job offer or more money. Germans are much more likely than workers elsewhere to say that interesting job content and challenging work assignments are important to them.”

German Of The Day: Frieden Schaffen Ohne Arbeitsplätze

September 21, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Employment, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Weapons Leave a comment

Ohne Waffen natürlich. That means “make peace without weapons.” Or in this case without jobs?

After Economy Minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) recently announced that he will tighten rules on arms exports from Germany (the world’s third largest arms exporter) in the coming months, Germany’s defense industry lobby has fired back with the warning that “these companies are looking into shifting production abroad.”

The defense industry employs about 80,000 people in Germany.

It is unclear at the moment which weapon the Economy Minister will pull out now to make peace with next.

“Wenn mein Land bei mir nicht kauft und mir gleichzeitig sagt, du darfst nicht exportieren, dann halte ich das nicht lange durch.”

More Benevolent Über-Government Intervention In Action

July 31, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Employment, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Government Interference, Industry, Jobs, Osram, Regulations, SPD Leave a comment

It goes like this: An EU regulation forces Osram and the rest of the industry to shift from traditional light bulbs to light-emitting diodes. They are smaller, more energy-efficient, have longer lifespans than traditional bulbs (except that they don’t really), are very much more expensive and must therefore be forced down the consumer’s throat and, well, everybody here hates the damned things and wants their old light bulbs back.

The benevolent part? Now 8,000 Osram workers lose their jobs because of this.

„Durch die EU-Verordnung ist das traditionelle Glühbirnen-Massengeschäft von Osram weggebrochen. Dort war Osram führend.“

We Don’t Need No Special Treatment

April 22, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Employment, Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, IGBAU, Soccer, Special Interest Groups, Unions, World Cup Leave a comment

We don’t need no fraud control
No dark sarcasm at the workplace
Boss man, leave them bums alone

We just want our union members to be able to turn up late for work after watching Germany World Cup games that begin after 10pm, unions say. That’s all.

“It would a noble move by employers if they showed a bit of flexibility during the World Cup.”

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

February 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Early Retirement, Employment, Free Lunch, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Retirement, Satire, Scams, SPD 2 Comments

Ein Frührentner (an early retiree). Please laugh, but please also be assured that I personally know a German teenager who actually answered this question this way and was NOT joking.

And this really shouldn’t come as a surprise in a country where, according to the latest poll, 53 percent of the employed don’t plan to work past the age of 63 and barely one third of them expect to work until the “official” reitrement age of 65. Or is it 67 now? Wait, or is it 63 doch (after all)?

At any rate, whatever the official German retirement age may be, rest assured that it will not be the age at which the majority of Germans will be retiring.

Ein knappes Drittel will dagegen bis zum regulären Renteneintrittsalter weiterarbeiten.

Taylorismus-Made

November 25, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Amazon, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Robots, Satire, Unions, Work, Working Conditions, Zombies 2 Comments

Please read the following out loud in that classic monotone el cheapo Hollywood movie robot voice:

We are all robots here. No one talks. It is ghostly quiet here in the Amazon warehouse.

We are forced to wear these weird orange signal jackets. Amazon wants us to hand over our brains at the door once we enter here. There is no turning back.

Only the customer is allowed to have any individuality.

Everything is fully conform. Every step is standardized. Deviations would disrupt the calculation.

They have got me so far that I now do everything they say (just like I already do outside when watching the Tagesschau or when reading Spiegel Online).

I have no free will. We are all victims and are being ausgebeutet (exploited) to an unbearable degree. This is Kapitalismus pur or something. Oh my God we are all going to die. No, wait. We are dead already.

“Mich haben sie jetzt so weit. Ich mache, was man mir sagt.”

German Job Wonder So Wunderbar That Millions Of Germans Have Two

August 14, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Employment, German, Germans, Germany, Job Wonder, Jobs, Second Jobs, Work 4 Comments

Or need to have two, I should say.

Nearly 3 million Germans or over 9 percent of those working full-time are now working part-time as well.

Nope, it’s not because Germans are particularly fleißig (hardworking). This German job wonder that everybody envies so much over here, like everything else in life, comes with a price. The income from many of these wunderjobs is simply no longer enough to get by on. Kein Auskommen mit dem Einkommen (can’t make out with what comes in), or something like that.

Ist es pure Not oder der Wunsch, sich mehr leisten zu können?

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Employment