365/24 = 24/7/365

Or 15.20833333333333, if you prefer.

Berlin

And here you thought my math was bad. And it is. But Berlin’s tourism experts seem to be even worse at it because their new slogan just does not add up at all: 365/24. At least it doesn’t for the numerous people around town making fun of it these days.

It is supposed to imply that Berlin is a way cool place that never closes, of course, but a lot of citizens here don’t really see it that way. Lots and lots of stuff and places that never close are broken/closed/being rebuilt here all the time and it is not at all uncommon to wait around way more than 365/24 for them to open up again. And they aren’t impressed with the slogan’s lack of originality, either.

And while we’re at it (laughing at Berlin, I mean), there’s a new book out that’s got a number in its slogan, too. It’s called “111 Reasons to Hate Berlin.” Here is one of them that all Berliners love, I mean hate: Whether in the summer heat, the snow, the rain or even if it’s just an uneven hour of the day, the S-Bahn craps out along the entire line.

“Berlin ist nicht nur scheiße. Es ist noch scheißer, als es mal war. Und das muss man erst mal schaffen. Berlin gibt Scheiße eine ganz neue Definition.”

I Got Your Trading Partner For You Right Here, Pal

For the first time in 40 years US-Amerika has now surpassed France as Germany’s most important trading partner.

Trading Partner

Of course now everybody is trying to figure out who to blame for this and how to fix it.

One theory goes that the policy of low interest rates and the government bonds buyback program by European Central Bank president Mario Draghi has devalued the euro and made selling in other parts of the world a whole lot easier. I’ll “buy” that. Hardy, har, har.

Erstmals seit vier Jahrzehnten haben die USA Frankreich als wichtigsten Handelspartner Deutschlands abgelöst. 2015 seien Waren im Wert von 173,2 Milliarden Euro zwischen Deutschland und den Vereinigten Staaten gehandelt worden.

German Of The Day: Durchwinken

That means to wave through.

Merkel

And Angela Merkel HERSELF has just learned, like just today, an entire new German sentence with the word Durchwinken in it: Die Politik des Durchwinkens muß beendet werden. That means: The policy of just waving refugees through from one country to the next must now be stopped.

Like I said, she just learned it. It is quite a mouthful, isn’t it? So it’s certainly easy to understand why it took her this long to learn it.

“A refugee does not have the right to say ‘I want to be granted asylum in a particular country’ in the European Union.”

“Es gibt eben nicht ein Recht, dass ein Flüchtling sagen kann, ich will in einem bestimmten Land der Europäischen Union Asyl bekommen.”

“There Is No Plan B”

When it comes to Angela Merkel’s refugee policy.

Merkel

I can understand that and I value her candor. I would just really appreciate it if somebody could tell me what her Plan A is.

Speaking on German public television on Sunday, Chancellor Angela Merkel said the policy of open borders for migrants would remain. Merkel dismissed a “rigid limit,” saying, “There is no point in believing that I can solve the problem through the unilateral closure of borders…”

Merkel’s party faces elections on March 13 when voters elect new regional parliaments in three of Germany’s 16 states. It is the first poll since the migrant crisis began.

Meine verdammte Pflicht und Schuldigkeit besteht darin, dass dieses Europa einen gemeinsamen Weg findet.”

German Spies Don’t Spy On Friends

But only because they appear to have Laurel and Hardy doing it.

BND

An attempt to wiretap John Kerry’s personal cellphone number back in 2013 failed, for instance, because the agent trying to do the listening in mixed up the US country code with one from Africa.

The Germans apparently had better luck spying on the former foreign policy chief of the European Union, Catherine Ashton back in 2008, however, although I have to assume that they misdialed this number, too. Maybe they were tying to listen in on that Jose Manuel Barroso guy instead?

Laut „Spiegel“ hatte der BND auch die Handynummer von US-Außenminister John Kerry 2013 in die Erfassung aufgenommen. Dabei habe es aber wegen einer Panne keine Abhörergebnisse gegeben: Ein BND-Mitarbeiter habe angeblich statt der Ländervorwahl der USA versehentlich die eines afrikanischen Landes eingegeben.

77 + 13 = Null Ahnung

Null means zero in German. Null Ahnung means “I have no idea” or “I haven’t a clue.”

Gone

So just do the math:

The other day we found out that 77 percent of the migrants who came to Germany in January did so without having any identification papers. Now we learn that 13 percent of all migrants located in Germany just get up and, well, disappear. They get registered with the authorities somewhere when they arrive and then puff! They’re gone.

Ergo… When it comes to migrants in Germany, this 77 + 13 = uhm, wait a second… nearly 100 percent “I have no idea” or “I haven’t a clue” about what the hell is going on here in this country anymore. And something tells me I’m not the only one.

Knapp jeder achte registrierte Flüchtling verschwindet nach seiner behördlichen Erfassung.

Send The Monk Dudes

They are by far the snappiest dressers. And they’re like, monks.

Monks

That’s right, folks. the Eurovision Song Contest* is coming up fast so the big question these days is: Who will Germany send to the freak show this year?

Damn. The only thing that could possibly top these guys would be a German girl burqa group. What a minute. Do you think…

With a mix of Gregorian chant and pop, the all-male choir is hoping to garner a ticket to Stockholm for the Eurovision Song Contest. The finale is set for May 14, 2016. The eight-man ensemble has 16 years of experience with live shows and has toured all over the world.

*They like to refer to it here as “ESC” but talk about your misnomer because there is definitely no escape.

 

Is 77 Percent A Lot?

That’s the percentage of migrants who came to Germany in January without having any identification papers.

Stop

But don’t worry about that or anything. Everything is under control, as usual. Human rights organizations even say that there is a good explanation for this. And that’s of course when I stopped reading the article because I have a good explanation for this, too. It’s called: Not wanting to be identified.

Have any of you non-migrant types who already live here or elsewhere legally ever tried to explain to a German cop or other German authority that you do not have an ID when asked for one? I didn’t think so. It wouldn’t, like, fly well. Like not well at all. But some of us are more equal than others these days, I guess.

Der überwiegende Teil der Flüchtlinge, die nach Deutschland kommen, hat keine gültigen Papiere. Nach Ansicht von Menschenrechtsorganisationen gibt es dafür auch eine gute Erklärung.

This Reveals The Dark Side?

Like just right now for the first time already or something? Ain’t nothing new here. I thought the BBC was more im Bilde (in the picture) than this: “Migrant attacks reveal dark side of Germany.”

Arson

This dark side has always been here, folks. It’s just that for some inexplicable reason, a whole lot of people – like Angela Merkel, for instance – don’t seem to be aware of it. You would think that she, of all people, would know what country she has “under” her (it’s about half starry-eyed Gutmenschen and half of those arsonist folks, just in case you were wondering) but sometimes, I guess, even she is going to be the last one to know.

Oh, another example of her being the last one to know: The coming introduction (reintroduction?) of a real live German border fence (see Austria). Better late than never, Frau Merkel. Although it’s probably too late for any graceful exit you may still have been hoping for.

Keep your eyes peeled on the coming regional elections in Germany, folks! Beginning on March 13 at a media outlet near you.

Attacks on Germany’s refugee shelters are increasingly common. Government statistics reveal that last year there were about 1,000 such attacks, five times the number reported in 2014.

Good Enough For Government Work

A convicted murderer and RAF terrorist working for a representative of The Left party in the Bundestag?

Christian Klar

So what? Ain’t no big deal. Christian Klar is apparently more into web design these days so it’s time to let bygones be bygones. You know, like The Left party and its agitating world socialist friends over at the International Committee of the Fourth International have done?

His new boss, Dr. Diether Dehm, did, however, run into a bit of a snag trying to get Klar a security pass to enter the Bundestag as his personal guest – some revisionist imperialist a-hole over at the pass office turned down his request due to something he called Sicherheitsbedenken (security conserns), but you know the deal, folks. Left it up to your imagination. Where there’s a will there’s a way.

“Der Feind der Demokratie hat nichts im Herzstück der Demokratie zu suchen.”