No Berlin Wall Here

September 26, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, Elections, Forest Boy Ray, Fraud, German, Germans, Germany, Hoaxes, Political Parties, Stasi, The Berlin Wall, The Cold War, Voting, Waldjunge Ray 1 Comment

Not unless you look at how Berliners vote, that is.

There was no great cross-border migration in the city after 1989. People had security of tenure in their flats, and they stayed put. Berlin had a large concentration of members of the Socialist Unity Party (as the communist party in East Germany was called), as well as the civil servants and Stasi operatives who kept the communist state running, and they have remained in their areas and transferred their loyalty to Die Linke.

PS: Speaking of cross-border migration, whatever happened to Ray? You know, that Dutch dude who ripped off Berlin’s youth services for 30,000 euros while doing his memory loss show for months on end? Well, he just got slammed with all the Härte (severity) of German law and will now have to perform 150 hours of community work AND receive counseling. Yowie. Let me tell you what. The Germans do NOT mess around when it comes to dishing out draconic punishment.

Mummy Not Mummy

September 25, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Angela Merkel, Elections, Fakes, German, Germans, Germany, Hoaxes, Humor, Mummies, Satire Leave a comment

You got your real live German “Mummy” (Mutti).

Then you got your el cheapo 2,000-year-old German plastic dummy “Mummy” somebody found in an attic in a place called Diepholz.

Both have caused an overnight sensation, however. Sort of. Only the “The Mummy of Diepholz” is a fake while Mummy is the real thing. Although… Come to think of it, she hasn’t actually been unwrapped and x-rayed by scientists yet.

“I believe that my father brought this box from a trip to Africa.”

Inconvenient Truths

September 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, Climatologists, Elections, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Greens, Humor, Public Opinion, Satire, The Green Shirts Leave a comment

No, not just the one about top German Green party leaders having to resign after seeing their party’s vote drop to 8.4 percent under their leadership (from 10.7 percent in 2009).

There is also the one that climatologists are going to have to face – according to the Spiegel, of all places – about the data showing how global temperatures just aren’t rising the way they had so alarmingly and repeatedly predicted they would.

This is a dilemma. Or another moment of inconvenient truth? I guess the question now is how the Greens and the climatologists are going to get together and manage to kick-start the fear and get it reved up again. Or what other options could they possibly have?

The number of people who believe in such a coming apocalypse, however, has considerably decreased. A survey conducted on behalf of SPIEGEL found a dramatic shift in public opinion — Germans are losing their fear of climate change. While in 2006 a sizeable majority of 62 percent expressed a fear of global warning, that number has now become a minority of just 39 percent.

PS: It must be hard to be cool and smug and still get whooped bad by a dull, frumpy and uncharismatic “Swabian houswife.”

FDP R.I.P. Greens With Envy.

September 23, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Elections, FDP, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Greens, Politics 3 Comments

With 4.8 percent, the FDP was well below the 5 percent needed to enter parliament, and 10 percent below their showing in 2009. For the first time since 1949, the liberals will not be represented nationally.

The Greens took 8.4% of the vote, enough to win representation in parliament, the Bundestag, but too little to form its preferred coalition with the Social Democratic Party, which won 25.7%.

“The FDP is tough. They have a deep history. They have representatives all over the country, including in the municipalities. They are deeply anchored in society, in the public – so it’s not yet the end of the FDP.”

Nach der Schlappe bei der Bundestagswahl will der Vorstand der Grünen geschlossen abtreten. Volker Beck zieht sich als Parlamentarischer Geschäftsführer zurück.

Now Get Out There And Vote!

September 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Berlin, Drunkenness, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire Leave a comment

German of the day: Bierleiche. This means “beer corpse.” You know, when one of those thirteen beers was bad?

Eineinhalb Stunden nach Beginn des Oktoberfests in München ist die erste Patientin mit Alkoholvergiftung in der Wiesn-Sanitätsstation gelandet – angeblich nach nur einem Bier. Normalerweise kommen die ersten Patienten aber schon früher.

I Got Your Center-Right For You Right Here

September 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Angela Merkel, Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Voting Leave a comment

Although it might as well be a center-left. Um, is there even a difference between the two in Germany anymore?

Two days before the vote, a survey by Forsa for private broadcaster RTL showed Merkel’s conservatives — the Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and its sister Bavarian party the Christian Social Union (CSU) — 14 points ahead of the SPD, meaning she will almost surely return for a third term.

But her combined center-right bloc, which includes the business-friendly Free Democrats (FDP), was in a dead heat with left-leaning opposition parties, with both camps on 45 percent.

That makes the election in Europe’s largest economy too close to call.

“I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for.”

Creepy Northhampton Clown Identified

September 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Campaigns, Clowns, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Northhampton Clown, Peer Steinbrück, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

In Berlin of all places.

The Northampton Clown, who spooked residents with a series of freaky night time appearances, has said that he never wanted to scare anyone with his antics.

The figure, who made global headlines when he was spotted in full clown attire on Friday 13, has said that he “just wanted to amuse people.”

“Wie bei einem Horrorfilm.”

Syria

September 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Sarin, Syria, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapons sale of the week – or between 2002 and 2006, I mean.*

Because somebody has to admire them.

*It was only just a few harmless tons of chemicals (111 tons worth) that could have been used to make sarin nerve gas but it was absolutely perfectly legal so don’t anybody out there get all hot and bothered about this, OK? Thanks. I know you wouldn’t.

Green Frontman REALLY “Regrets” It

September 17, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Juergen Trittin, Paedophilia, Political Parties, The Green Shirts 3 Comments

Less than a week before the election, I mean.

Germany’s Green party is under renewed pressure to defend its stance on paedophilia in the 1980s.

In a newspaper article, the historian Franz Walter had accused the Green’s co-leader, Jürgen Trittin, of signing off a 1981 pamphlet calling to abolish the decriminalisation of sexual acts between adults and children “that occur without the use or threat of force”. In response to the revelation, politicians from the Bavarian Christian Social Union have asked Trittin to withdraw his candidacy from the upcoming election.

Trittin is quoted in the article admitting that his party had failed to block a proposal by the activist group Homosexual Campaign Göttingen for such a measure to be included in the pamphlet. He told the paper that this was “also my mistake, which I regret”.

“Die Grünen sollten darüber nachdenken, ob sie mit dieser Besetzung weiter den Wahlkampf in der letzten Woche fortsetzen.”

The Dresden Drone Escapade

September 16, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Angela Merkel, Drones, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Pirate Party, Political Parties, Technology Leave a comment

I guess this was the last Pirate Party fraternity boy prank before the election. Or forever, for that matter. They’re history here now, just in case you didn’t know.

And just in general, the varying reactions to the drone’s presence (Merkel’s smirk, the death stare from the other lady, and the range of reactions in between from the men on the podium) hint at the general way humans will react to the increased presence of robots and drones in everyday life.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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