Tag Archives: Immigration

German-Americans So Well-Integrated They Make Other Americans Sick

February 5, 2015 By in Hard Facts, History, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , 3 Comments

I mean, like what’s the point of coming to this country if you don’t even try to bore everybody with stories about your ethnic roots all the time? That’s totally un-American misbehavior, if you ask me. But German-Americans are that way. They’re different. They’re kind of like German-Germans, if you know what I’m saying. They’re tricky.

Map

German-Americans are America’s largest single ethnic group (if you divide Hispanics into Mexican-Americans, Cuban-Americans, etc). In 2013, according to the Census bureau, 46m Americans claimed German ancestry: more than the number who traced their roots to Ireland (33m) or England (25m). In whole swathes of the northern United States, German-Americans outnumber any other group (see map). Some 41% of the people in Wisconsin are of Teutonic stock.

Yet despite their numbers, they are barely visible. Everyone knows that Michael Dukakis is Greek-American, the Kennedy clan hail from Ireland and Mario Cuomo was an Italian-American. Fewer notice that John Boehner, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and Rand Paul, a senator from Kentucky with presidential ambitions, are of German origin.

New Pegida Narrative In The Works

January 14, 2015 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Now that Pegida is not going away as planned (but is in fact still growing) the secret German media police have decided to do a controlled rollback before their current hysterical narrative about courageous Gutmenschen (do-gooders) doing selfless battle against evil Nazi numbskulls gets all too ridiculous even for them (for the secret German media police, I mean).

Pegida

These unwelcome troublemakers will now be rebranded in a decidedly less overwrought fashion, the first merchandise coming out as we speak, so-to-speak. It is in the form of a study just made by the Technical University, Dresden in which we discover the following rather surprising fun facts:

Only one-fourth of those demonstrating are actually demonstrating against the “Islamization of the Western world.”

The typical Pegida supporter is a politically independent 48-year-old male who is well-educated and well-employed.

The main gripes most Pegida supporters have are their dissatisfaction with 1) German politicians, 2) German media and only then 3) the increased number of immigrants and asylum seekers now coming to Germany.

Why, uh, that’s suddenly a completely different picture, isn’t it? Stay tuned, there will certainly be more to follow. The hysteria sure was fun while it lasted though, wasn’t it?

“Sind Sie von der Presse?”

Speaking Of Ausländer…

October 22, 2013 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Who cares about a few thousand Brits? Germany has more foreigners than you can shake a stick at and, well, more than they did back in 1993 (that’s bad, right?).

Ausländer

Some 7.2 million total there be. Not bad. For a xenophobic, racist, narrow-minded Volk living in a contemptuous and chauvinistic country still suffering under a living-dead Nazi past, I mean.

Die Zahl der in Deutschland registrierten Ausländer ist 2012 so kräftig gestiegen wie seit fast zwei Jahrzehnten nicht mehr. Sie erhöhte sich um 4,1 Prozent auf gut 7,2 Millionen, teilte das Statistische Bundesamt mit.

PS: Damn. Claudia made it. Weren’t they even allowed to vote against anybody during that vote?

The Red Parts Is Where All Them There German-Americans Live

October 8, 2013 By in Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Germans

California still looks like a pretty safe bet.

It’s time to break out the bratwurst as the United States celebrates German-American Day on Oct. 6.

Commemorating the founding of Germantown, Pa. in 1683, the holiday celebrates America’s largest ancestry group, with 49 million people claiming part or full German heritage.

Nobody Wants To Work In The World’s Most Popular Country

July 28, 2013 By in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Why aren’t there zillions of highly qualified foreigners standing in line to come to live and work in Germany (but not like forever or anything if you don’t want to) as expected when the German blue card was introduced a year ago?

Blue Card

This blue card holder above (the person on the right) is only about one of only about 2500 who have expressed an interest in doing so since the card was introduced – and 70 percent of those 2500 were already living in Germany under a different status at the time of the card’s introduction.

I don’t get it. I thought Germany was so well-loved in the world and all that (there are at least 100 reasons for this I am told). There seems to be some kind of a disconnect here. Why are so many foreigners still insisting to prefer going to such yucky places like US-Amerika instead? Don’t they ever read the papers or anything? Hey, if you’re that uninformed pal, Germany probably doesn’t want you in the first place. So there.

Die meisten Blue-Card-Besitzer kamen aus Indien (1971) – gefolgt von China (775) und Russland (597). Das Bürgerkriegsland Syrien ist mit 389 Akademikern ebenfalls stark vertreten.

Justin Bieber To Spank His Monkey

April 23, 2013 By in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

For not having any papers on him after landing in Munich in March. Or he sure would like to spank him now, I bet.

Bieber

The popular god-awful and astoundingly annoying suckling superstar clearly had no idea that German customs authorities don’t cut slack for anybody, not even for monkeys – or a guy who’s last name means “beaver” in German.

His dumbass animal of a monkey “Mally” is still under animal shelter arrest and won’t be going anywhere until Bieber or an actual grownup get in touch with the German customs authorities directly (that is the custom here) and he’s running out of time fast.

This gives Leave It to Beaver a whole new meaning, if you ask me. Whether he spanks his monkey or not.

“Ward, I’m worried about the Beaver.”

I Got Your Demographics For You Right Here

December 18, 2012 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

No babies. And no immigrants, either.

Each year, the German government spends billions of euros in an effort to stop the country’s ticking demographic time bomb. By 2050, it is estimated that only 70 million people will be living in the country, down from today’s roughly 82 million. Without a major change in the birthrate or a mass influx of up to 24 million new immigrants, the population could soon begin shrinking, according to United Nations forecasts…

Birthrate this.

“…Germany underestimated the importance of a culture of welcome and overestimated the attractiveness as a country of immigration,” said Ulrich Kober of the Bertelsmann Foundation which commissioned the study released on Monday.

The country could pay a heavy price for its anti-immigration views as its older workforce dies out, concludes the Foundation. “Highly qualified people from non-EU countries actively avoid moving to Germany,” added Herr Kober.

German Blue Cards Going Like Hotcakes

November 18, 2012 By in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

A mass influx of skilled foreign laborers with “blue cards” to Germany is causing unexpected bureaucratic headaches and unsettling the already unsettled German xenophobic population at large.

So far, a grand total of 139 (that’s 1-3-9) foreign professionals have received the coveted card, camparable to the US-Amerikan “green card,” since its introduction in August.

“Wow. We had no idea just how bad people wanted to come here,” said one suprised immigration official. “This was way too easy. But how are we going to find jobs for all these folks now?”

Skilled employees from outside the European Union have apparantly been lining up everywhere and eating their achy breaky yearning little hearts out in earnest for this envied piece of blue plastic for quite some time now, partly due, it seems, to Germany’s celebrated image of being an overly bureaucratic and unwelcoming place for foreigners of all non-German kinds.

“German immigration law is still complicated and not very transparent for foreign skilled employees.”

40 Percent Feel Discriminated Against?

August 2, 2012 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

A new study showing that 40 percent of foreigners living in Germany feel discriminated against in everyday life has left numerous German social scientists completely puzzled.

“This was quite a surprise for most of us,” one expert noted, wishing to remain anonymous. “As everybody out there knows, this percentage should really be a whole lot higher. It’s like 60 or 70 percent easy, I’d say. Those dumb foreigners clearly don’t know what the hell is going on, as usual.”

“Meine Erfahrung ist, dass hochqualifizierte Menschen mit ausländischen Wurzeln teilweise befürchten, in normalen Bewerbungsverfahren ausgegrenzt zu werden.”