Alarms Red, White And Blue! Germans Have Successfully Infiltrated US World Cup Team!

May 24, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jurgen Klinsmann, Satire, Soccer, Sports, USA, World Cup 1 Comment

Or should this be alarms black, red and gold maybe? Damn. It’s all over but the cryin’ now. For thoze guyz who gots to go up against us. As in US, I mean (USA! USA!).

Five German-Americans, 21% of the entire team, made the U.S. 23-man roster for the World Cup in Brazil…

When he took over as coach in 2011, Jurgen Klinsmann (suspected of being a so-called German himself) said, “Soccer in a way reflects the culture of a country.”

Clearly Klinsmann’s celebrity status in Germany — as well as his boundless enthusiasm — are an asset when recruiting German-Americans. But these charms are helpful no matter where a player is from, and it just so happens that the largest concentration of U.S.-eligible players in Europe is in Germany.

The Next Failed Berlin Wall Analogy

June 21, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, History, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Borders, German, Germans, Germany, Illegal Immigration, Mexico, The Berlin Wall, The Border-Security Fence, USA 2 Comments

This happens all the time (geez, this time it even happened in the Wall Street Journal).

People are always comparing the world’s famous and infamous walls (and there sure are a lot of them, aren’t there?) to that über-infamous Berlin one and, well, they just plain refuse to get it right. This time it’s the fence built along the border between the US and Mexico’s turn.

I’ll try and explain: The Berlin Wall was built to keep people in. You know, like a prison wall? The fence in question, as far as I understand it, is being built to keep people out. I know, that’s a feiner Unterschied (fine distinction) here, but it is an important one. And I just wanted to try to set the record straight, again.

The border-security fence in the Senate bill would be America’s Berlin Wall—a historic embarrassment.

The Spiegel Says: US-Amerika One Big Debtor’s Prison

June 12, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Climate Change, Debt, Debtor's Prison, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Poverty, Science, Scientists, The Ozone Hole, USA Leave a comment

More and more Americans are being punished for their poverty: Above all in rural areas judges have been putting delinquent debtors in prison as of late. This medieval practice is illegal, unconstitutional – and widespread.

“Diese Unsitte verbindet man mehr mit der Zeit von Charles Dickens als mit dem modernen Amerika.”

PS: Speaking of deplorable customs and disturbing developments – and good fiction – when are these deplorable refutations of sacrosanct scientific certainties ever going to stop?! I mean, what ever happened to the ozone hole? It’s not there anymore or something.

Well it’s One drink of wine, two drinks of gin… and I’m lost in the ozone again.

Germans Concerned That Obama Maybe Could Might Not Be Reelected Doch Nicht (After All) Perhaps

October 1, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Debt, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Government spending, Humor, Obama, Political Science, Romney, Satire, Unemployment, USA, Washington Leave a comment

Germans everywhere are all aflutter these days at the prospect of their United States President maybe not being automatically reelected after all, like which ought to be selbstverständlich (understood) or something but isn’t irgendwie (somehow).

German political scientists have namely just discovered that the unemployment rate in the US of Obama is well over 8 percent (and has been during the entire Obama administration), poverty levels are way up (3.6 million more Americans live off state support than before he entered office), the rate of founding new companies is at a thirty year low, government spending and debt have risen to incredible levels and the economy will simply not kick into gear, with no recovery or White House plan to change any of this in sight (and with no George W. Bush in sight to blame anymore, either).

Otherwise though, Obama is still the perfect guy for the job. So alles wird gut (everything will fall into place), they HOPE (way cool slogan from somebody a few years back).

Gouverneur Martin O’Malley geriet in Verlegenheit. Ob es den Menschen besser gehe als vor vier Jahren, wollte ein Reporter von dem demokratischen Gouverneur Marylands wissen. “Nein”, hatte O’Malley geantwortet.

EADS-BAE SSA OK?

September 24, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: BEA, Defense Industry, EADS, EU, France, Germany, Mergers, Military, Military Industrial Complex, UK, USA, Weapons Leave a comment

BAE Systems has warned it will walk away from its proposed €35bn tie-up with EADS if the deal waters down its special relationship with the Pentagon.

This SSA, specifies that BAE’s senior leadership in the US is made up of Americans, among other things, and has allowed the UK’s biggest defence company to work on many lucrative US national security projects.

“The [US] military would rather have a BAE than a combined BAE-EADS. BAE has been very successful in managing its US relationship. EADS is not in the same bucket, and a combined EADS-BAE is going to be treated a lot more like EADS than BAE.”

Germans Now Lecturing Americans About Religion

May 11, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Health, Heconomy, Helections, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: America, Berlin, Der Spiegel, German, Germans, Germany, Healthcare, Humor, Mandatory Healthcare, Medicine, Obama, Obamacare, Satire, Socialized Medicine, USA 11 Comments

Or at least I think that’s what they’re doing here. Or maybe they’re just lecturing us about mandatory healthcare insurance, which clearly seems to have some religious significance in Germany.

I mean, we all know how Germans are famous for being so religious and all, but I had no idea that they had begun spreading their evangelical zeal to Obamacare, of all things. But spread they have and we should take their prosthelising in earnest (they certainly do).

Why just take a look at some of the deeper observations to be found within this religious tract, I mean Spiegel article:

In Germany, people are baffled by how hostile a country as religious as the United States can be to the principle of mandatory healthcare insurance.

The US comes across to not only Germans, but to many Europeans, as a religious country. Don’t religious Americans love their neighbors?

“For me the US is a very religious country. It doesn’t matter which religion I look at — love thy neighbor is a very, very important point in religion.”

For her, the apparent deep religiousness of many Americans doesn’t jibe with their unwillingness to be part of a healthcare community.

Well there we have it. Sin and transgression everywhere you look. The devil has entered our US-Amerikan house and will divide and fall it. All because, well, I’m not really sure why. But I think it might be because we as Americans don’t worship mandatory healthcare insurance like other folks do. Amen.

Thanks, Germany. We’ll come to see the light yet. You just wait and see.

Germans Can’t Fathom US Aversion to Obama’s Healthcare Reform

Oh My God We’re All Gonna Die Again Already

July 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, USA Leave a comment

Well there we have it. Der Spiegel itself makes it official and that picture down there proves it or something.

The American economy is caving in. We’re tanking. We’re toast. It’s all over but the crying. All bets are off. We’re on the river of no return. We’re dead meat. Buddy, have you got a dime? How about any of you other guys out there other than Buddy? Down and out in [place any American city name you want here]. Yes, we can. I mean no, we can’t.

Thanks, Spiegel. How refreshing (not). But how so very predictable. And consistent.

Es ist ein grässlicher Tag für die USA: Die Supermacht steht vor der Staatspleite, jetzt bricht auch noch das Wirtschaftswachstum ein.

DSK, IMF, CSI-Yay-Yay

May 16, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus Tags: DNA, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Frenzy, IWF, New York, Rape, USA 4 Comments

(DSK stands for Dominique Strauss-Kahn) And don’t forget about the DNA, USA and the AL-I-BI part now either.

As Die Welt rightly puts it, this is like something out of a CSI: New York episode. Only much more poorly done. A bit more surreal though, perhaps.

Surreal is actually French, by the way. It means having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream and what on God’s green earth could you have possibly been thinking, buddy?

This is just too weird. And no, I haven’t found a German connection here yet.

Der bislang aussichtsreiche Präsidentschaftsanwärter der französischen Sozialisten sah aus, als sei er durch einen dummen Zufall in eine Folge von „CSI: New York“ hineingeraten.

PS: Thanks for that link, A.K.

“Die Noch-Supermacht”

April 20, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Berlin, Crisis, Debt, EU, Euro, Finance, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Satire, USA 6 Comments

Like S&P, Germany ITSELF believes that it’s time for “the yet superpower” to start saving big time and pronto. And I for one would listen (you know, like listening to E. F. Hutton when they used to talk?) because the Germans have had a whole lot of experience in giving good advice like this as of late. Just look at how their recommendations have helped Greece, for instance.

“The danger is that the Americans are still lulled into a false sense of security.”

“Möglich, dass Obama dann (nach der Wiederwahl) wirklich anfängt zu sparen.”

Dumb Americans buying big cars again

February 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Automobiles, Berlin, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, USA 2 Comments

But some of them aren’t all that dumb because they are the ones buying the big German ones. That’s the essence of the article anyway.

Inexplicable, really. German intellectuals everywhere are aghast at the United States failing to do what it is supposed to do yet again. Despite Der Spiegel‘s recent pronouncemnt of the end of US-Amerika as we know it (in black and white and color too), US-Amerikaner are suddenly buying big fat politically correct automobiles as if there were no tomorrow.

Or maybe that is the explanation. Perhaps this is our last collective gasp as a nation before the whole culture (excuse me, I meant lack of culture) implodes with a tremendous groan and rolls over to die, I dunno, in Nevada or someplace. Everybody must sense instinctively that this will be our last chance to drive off into the sunset of our American oblivion in our monstrous ‘merican automobiles in hyper-heroic, High Noon style.

Or maybe… Maybe the experts at Der Spiegel (and experts in general) are just too stupid to poor piss out of a boot.

Der Autoabsatz in den USA boomt.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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