Time For The Next Lösegeld Payment

September 7, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hostages, Iraq, ISIS, Ransom, Salifist, Syria, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

You know, ransom? And this time the German government will be paying to get back two Salifists.

ISIS is holding two German hostages in Syria they now see as being traitors. It seems these two fun-loving extremists felt the calling and flew down south to help the ISIS cause only to be shocked by the atrocities their ISIS heros commit (it wasn’t like this on the video game). They have now expressed their keen desire to leave the real world and return back home to Theme Park Germany.

Die beiden Personen sollen frühere Salafisten sein, die nach Gräueltaten des IS nach Deutschland zurückkehren wollten.

German Of The Day: Lösegeld

August 24, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hostages, IS, Islamic State, James Foley, Ransom, Syria, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

That means ransom.

You know, like the ransom Germany just paid IS terrorists in Syria to free a 27 year-old German who wandered down there “not being aware of the threat posed there now by the ‘Islamic State.'”

The German government officially denies having paid the ransom, of course, but they have a long tradition of doing this. Paying the ransom and then denying that they did, I mean. And this is a very sound policy, I find, because by doing so they never have to deny that paying ransom to terrorists for German hostages only encourages them to take other hostages and then kill them later when the ransom is not paid.

Zahlte Deutschland Lösegeld? Does a bear scheißt in the woods?

Love Parade Back In Berlin

August 10, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Humor Tags: Activism, Berlin, Cannabis, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Hanfparade, Humor, Marijuana, Satire 2 Comments

Only now they’re calling it the Love Pot Parade. OK, the Hanfparade.

Some 6000 activists have gotten together in the Hauptstadt again to demand the legalization of cannabis. It’s the same procedure (and same 6000 participants?) as last year. Countless thousands more really wanted to take pot, I mean part, this year but fell asleep on the couch again next to several empty bags of those cool Dorrito-like chips they sell over at Reichelt.

“Das sind weniger, als wir uns erhofft habe”», sagte Steffen Geyer, Sprecher der Parade. Es seien wieder nur die Leute da gewesen, “die immer kommen”. Die jährliche Hanfparade gibt es seit 1997.

Germans Really Are Industrious

August 8, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Industrial Plagiarism, Industry, Piracy, Plagiarism, Research Leave a comment

Even when it comes to industrial piracy.

German companies are ranked second in the world for industrial plagiarism, a global study released today has found (only China does it better). The numbers indicate that 1 in 4 plagiarized tech goods are made in Germany.

Of course the only problem with this study is that it was made by the the Federation of German Machine and Equipment Builders (or VDMA) so it may have been plagiarized itself.

And no, this wasn’t in the news tonight.

Für den Ideenklau ist oft nicht ein Produzent im fernen China, sondern der Konkurrent um die Ecke verantwortlich.

German Of The Day: Lebenslänglich

June 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Media, Murder, Prisons, Punishment 1 Comment

That means life-long, like in a life-long prison sentence?

That’s what this guy here got for killing that young woman there (and someone else not pictured), pretty much televised live. Actually, he got two life-long prison sentences. And that’s why he’s getting out of prison now because life-long in Germany, as in life-long prison sentence life-long, means 15 years and since he was sentenced in 1991 that means that, well, I dunno, he’s been in there a whole lot of years and it’s only fair that he be allowed to come out now, right?

Das Landgericht in Essen hatte die beiden Männer 1991 zu lebenslanger Haft verurteilt.

Berlin Convicts Unionize For Minimum Security

May 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Convicts, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Inmates, Minimum Wage, Pension Plans, Prison, Prisoners, Satire, Tegel, Unions Leave a comment

I mean for minimum wage. I kid you not. Here’s another one of those “I don’t make this stuff up, people” stories.

Only in Berlin can prison inmates set up the the world’s first union for prisoners so they can campaign to get a minimum wage and a pension plan for convicts.

Hey guys, you forgot about the early retirement part. Hardy, har, har.

And what are they going to call your pension plan, anyways? Social High Security? Yuckity yuck.

Häftlinge der Justizvollzugsanstalt fordern einen Mindestlohn für Inhaftierte und eine Rentenversicherung

Germans Now Not Sure If Whistleblowing Is A Scientific Achievement After All

May 22, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Academics, Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, Honorary Doctorates, Humor, NSA, Rostock University, Satire Leave a comment

Germans are very precise and proper and legalistic when it comes to, well, when it comes to just about anything you can possibly imagine so it shouldn’t surprise any of us out here all that much that the rector of the German university in Rostock, where academics have voted to award NSA leakmeister Edward Snowden himself an honorary doctorate, is now trying to have the decision reversed, his argument being that Snowden’s actions did not fulfill the the university’s required criteria. Dude, like what a party pooper.

It appears that there is some sticky little detail somewhere in their regulations about honorary doctorates only being allowed for “special academic achievement” and the rector, nitpicky like German rectors are, has now pointed out to everyone that Snowden’s leaking to the media of NSA documents doesn’t wirklich (really) constitute that.

This won’t be the last word on this, of course. But still. And there’s still the Nobel Peace Prize on its way, too. So take a chill pill, people. Your hero will get his honors yet.

Datenübergabe keine wissenschaftliche Leistung

What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

May 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, Bribery, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Payoffs, Political Parties, Social Democrats, SPD Leave a comment

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

Germans Already Lining Up To Be Forgotten By Google

May 13, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Law, Paranoia, Privacy, Satire, Search Engines Leave a comment

Europe’s top court ruling that Google and other Internet companies can now be made to remove “irrelevant or excessive personal information” from search engine results has triggered a virtual stampede of excited Germans demanding that their irrelevant and excessive personal information be removed from the Internet immediately.

“Irrelevant and excessive personal information is the only kind of information I produce,” said one soon-to-be-forgotten Google skeptic. “Or consist of, if you will. So you can bet that I just can’t wait to be wiped out of virtual existence for good!”

“The ruling will help certain people hide their past, making it difficult to access certain information, but not when it concerns public figures, or people in whom there is a genuine public interest. This will result in added costs for Internet search providers who will have to add to their take-down policies the means for removing links to an individual’s data, and develop criteria for distinguishing public figures from private individuals.”

Eco-Farmer Finds Magic Way To Increase Number Of Eco-Chickens

April 16, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Crime, Food, Fraud, German, Germans, Germany, Neuland, Organic Food 2 Comments

And he’s not telling anybody, either.

Everybody is an eco-activist in Germany, as you well know. The Organic Bourgeois have been calling the shots here for quite some time now.

So you can imagine the organic bourgeois brouhaha today now that it’s come out how that über-eco organic food chain Neuland has been receiving 130,000 organic chicken pieces annually from an eco-farmer who only had enough eco-chickens to deliver 80,000. Talk about turning water into wine. Or maybe he just sliced them up really well?

2013 lieferte der niedersächsische Betrieb schon 130.000 Hühner an Neuland-Geschäfte. Den Vereinsstatuten zufolge hätte er aber höchstens 16.000 Tiere auf seinem Hof halten dürfen. Bei jährlich rund fünf Schlachtdurchgängen wären das rund 80.000 Hühner.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habeas Corpus