What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

May 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, Bribery, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Payoffs, Political Parties, Social Democrats, SPD Leave a comment

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

Let It Rot

May 18, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Counter-Culture, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Initiatives, Parks, Propositions, Protest, Tempelhof Airport, Tempelhof Feld Leave a comment

It’s voting time in Berlin again. This time it’s about whether or not good old abandoned Tempelhof Field should be developed or not (for housing, a library, etc.). You know, to actually maybe use it for something other than flying kites?

But as usual we have learned that this would be a terrible thing and that the field needs to be “saved” from such an awful fate, or at least that’s what opponents on the left insist. Urban Romantics need more room to move, especially if they are German ones (“the richest kind”) and being that saying no is so popular and comes so naturally to Germans in general and Berliners in particular, I am quite sure these opponents will win yet again.

Der stillgelegte Berliner Flughafen liegt brach. Nicht weil der Ort belasteter wäre als andere, sondern weil es leichter ist, mit dem “Luxus der Leere” zu kokettieren, als die Geschichte anzunehmen.

Das Tempelhofer-Feld ist eine Oase mitten in Berlin.

Eurovision?

May 11, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Beards, Conchita Wurst, Contests, Drag Queens, ESC, European Song Contest 2014, Humor, Music, Peace and Freedom, Satire 4 Comments

I think it’s time they changed the name of this thing to the Eurohallucination Song Contest.

The Eurovision Song Contest, which played to a TV audience of more than 120 million Saturday, was won by bearded Austrian drag queen Conchita Wurst.

Wurst said: “This night is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are — we are unity and we are unstoppable.”

“Diese Nacht widme ich allen, die an Frieden und Freiheit glauben. Wir sind eine Einheit”, schluchzte Wurst.

Stop Hurting Russia’s Feelings Already

May 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hideology, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Cold War, Communism, Crimea, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, May Day, Political Parties, Putin, Rosa Luxemburg, Russia, Sahra Wagenknecht, Satire, Ukraine Leave a comment

Who would have expected that? The German Left Party itself (they used to be called the PDS or Partei der Stasi) has expressed grave concern over the EU’s aggressive stance toward the Soviet Union, I mean Vlad Putin’s democratic Russia.

Rosa Luxemburg, I mean Sahra Wagenknecht herself has sharply critisized European crisis management with regard to the Ukraine conflict, saying it consisted of “vile Russia bashing right out of the Cold War” and that the West is pursuing a vicious anti-Russian policy of exclusion and unniceness and rottenness and that everybody, those damned faschist Ukrainians included, should finally just leave our commrades, I mean Russian partners alone already.

May Day, May Day… Earth to Wagenknecht. Earth to Wagenknecht. Can you read me?

Das ist übles Russland-Bashing aus Kalter-Krieg-Zeiten.

Tell Me How To Vote Oh Great And Powerful Vote-O-Mat!

April 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Big Brother, Elections, Europawahl, German, Germans, Germany, Voting, Wahl-O-Mat 4 Comments

Do you have any idea what the reaction over here would be if this were a freakin’ US-Amerikan invention?

That’s right, the Wahl-O-Mat is a specially designed hi-tech online device that will instruct undecided and/or clueless German voters who to vote for. Just answer 38 questions posed by Spiegel Online ITSELF and something called The Federal Center for Political Literacy and you will gladly be told precisely where to place your X in the upcoming European Election. And not to worry, the Wahl-O-Mat just can’t be evil because, well, it comes from here.

Hmmm. I wonder if these are going to be used in the upcoming Ukrainian referendum, too.

Testen Sie, welche Partei Ihren Ansichten am nächsten kommt!

Rostock Universität Beats Nobel Committee To The Draw

April 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Hideology, Higher Education, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Awards, Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, Honorary Degrees, Humor, Nobel Peace Prize, NSA, Satire, Treason, Whistleblowing Leave a comment

Frantic to beat the coming Nobel Peace Prize award being planned in Oslo, the Faculty of Philosophy at the University of Rostock has boldly decided to launch a preemptive honorary doctorate award strike at that less than honorable doctor of whistleblowing himself, Edward Snowden.

The faculty council approved the cold-blooded, unprovoked resolution with 17 of 21 votes.

The thoroughly prepared German folk hero could not be reached directly for comment but reliable sources watching his every move day and night report having overheard him already practicing his acceptance speech, saying that he is “honored by the honor, scout’s honor,” or something to that effect.

Die Fakultät und Snowden haben bislang keinen Kontakt miteinander gehabt. Es gebe aber Beziehungen zu Menschen, die mit Snowden in Verbindung stehen.

Influential Gazprom Lobbyist Explains How EU Is To Blame For Coming Russian Annexation Of Crimea

March 12, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Disinformation, Gazpron, Gerhard Schroeder, Germany, Hitler, Humor, Lobbyists, Propaganda, Putin, Russia, Satire, Ukraine 1 Comment

A highly influential lobbyist for Russia’s steamrolling natural gas colossus Gazprom (and former chancellor of Germany) has taken time off from his busy disinformation timetable to explain how the European Union’s policy toward Ukraine caused this whole unfortunate Russian-Ukraine-Crimea mess in the first place.

The loggyist explained how when the EU offered Ukraine an association agreement based on what he called “either/or” terms (either the EU or Russia), this confused practically everyone involved because, as we all know, offering people a free choice “over there” can only lead to the wrong choice being made, thus giving Russia the legal right to intervene, more or less.

“In the 1930s, Nazi Germany occupied part of neighbouring Czechoslovakia under the pretext of protecting ethnic Germans.”

Gerd Knows Best

February 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Hideology, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Advice, Angela Merkel, Corruption, Gazprom, Gerhard Schröder, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lobbies, Politicians, Putin, Russia, Satire, SPD, Ukraine Leave a comment

Ex-chancellor “Gazprom-Gerd” Schröder just can’t seem to sit still these days and has fired yet another salvo in his one-man undeclared unsolicited advice offensive.

He has now advised current chancellor Angela Merkel to leave office in a timely manner. For her own good, of course. And I, for one, certainly hope that she takes this advice to heart. If anybody out there knows about not having left office in a timely manner it’s this guy. In fact I think he should have left office a few days after having been elected. The first time, I mean. It would have only been for his own good, of course.

Gerhard Schröder—the former German chancellor, a man who said the Soviet Union of Leonid Brezhnev appeared more intent on peace than the Americans, and who since 2006 has been a Gazprom executive and Vladimir Putin’s chief shill among the countries of the European Union—has come up with a prescription for masking Moscow’s refusal to let Ukraine (or anyone else) leave Russia’s control and form an organic relationship with the West.

Germans Don’t Trust German Politicians

February 21, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Politicians, Polls, Professions, Salaries, Satire, Surveys, Trust 1 Comment

But German politicians do.

That’s why they just gave themselves a big raise. They’ll now be receiving 830 euros a month more and take in over 9000 (not counting all the other benefits, of course). And this particular Bundestag vote was 464 yes, 115 no and 10 abstentions.

Firemen, paramedics and nurses are held in high regard in Germany and 22 other countries, a current study says. People trust them the most. Only 15 percent of Germans trust politicians, however.

Feuerwehrleute, Sanitäter und Krankenpfleger sind in Deutschland und weiteren 22 Ländern hoch angesehen. Ihnen vertrauen die Menschen einer aktuellen Studie zufolge am meisten. Nur 15 Prozent der Deutschen vertrauen den Politikern.

Here’s Another One Of Those “You Must Have Confused Me With Somebody Who Gives A S#?$&”T!”

February 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, André Schmitz, Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Mismanagement, Politicians, Satire, SPD, Tax evasion Leave a comment

So. Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit knew for quite some time now that his SPD Culture Minister buddy André Schmitz had some funny money hiding in Switzerland (everybody‘s doing it these days) and just pretended that this problem would eventually go away all by itself. Well it didn’t, of course, and Schmitz has now had to resign and the mayor is in deep Scheiße about this right now or something, right?

Well any other politician would be but you clearly don’t understand with whom we’re dealing with here (unless you do understand). This is Klaus Wowereit HIMSELF (some call him Wowi – with that “v” sound, of course). This is the same guy who “did” the Berlin Airport that still hasn’t been done yet and will end up costing eighty-five quadrillion bazillion euros before it ever does get done, if at all.

Do you think there have been any consequences for that? Hardly. If anything, Wowereit got rewarded for his Engagement (commitment) by being put right back on as the “new” chairman of the board of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport Company after the “old” one had proven just how clueless he had been and had been forced to leave (that had been Klaus Wowereit too, of course).

Why is this guy always free from sin? Beats the hell out of me. There’s teflon, dann kommt eine ganze Weile gar nichts (then you can go on for a long, long while – way past normal teflon), and then there’s Klaus Wowereit teflon. He’s on his ski vacation right now and simply couldn’t be bothered by any of this. And he’s laughing his ass off all the way down the slopes I bet. Damn. Nice job if you can get it.

Kann ein Kinderschänder ein guter Bildungsminister sein?

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Helections