This Is A Horror Scenario For The Future?

It’s already happening now, folks.

EU

“EU enlargement has been largely abandoned, other states have left the community, Europe has lost its global competitiveness… The increasingly disorderly, sometimes chaotic and conflict-prone world has dramatically changed the security environment of Germany and Europe.”

A possible vision for the year 2040? Nope, nobody has to wait that long for this.

In einem der sechs Szenarien (“Die EU im Zerfall und Deutschland im reaktiven Modus”) gehen die Autoren von einer “multiplen Konfrontation” aus. Die Zukunftsprojektion beschreibt eine Welt, in der die internationale Ordnung nach “Dekaden der Instabilität” erodiert, die Wertesysteme weltweit auseinanderdriften und die Globalisierung gestoppt ist.

German Of The Day: Weltkriegsbombe

That means second world war bomb.

Weltkriegsbombe

And that is what this zucchini up there is not, of course, although the retired gardener who discovered this thing mistook it for one and called the cops to come and have it defused.

They didn’t diffuse it directly, of course, but one of the cops cooked up one mean dish of baked Parmesan zucchini. Or certainly could have.

Bombe oder Zucchini? In Baden-Württemberg hat ein Mann die Polizei alarmiert, weil er die Frucht in seinem Garten für eine Weltkriegsbombe hielt.

The Case Of The Missing 30,000 Asylum Seekers

Not only can German citizens now sleep better at night knowing that their borders are secure (now that Austria and other countries are protecting them for them) they can also rest assured knowing that the responsible authorities who are processing the 1.6 million people currently seeking protection in Germany have everything under perfect control.

Asylum

Or practically everything. Sure, there’s that little thing that just came out about them having lost track of 30,000 rejected asylum seekers, these folks apparently having just disappeared into thin air, nobody has the slightest ideaa where they are and all that but, hey, nobody wants to introduce a police state here in Germany and when you’re talking about 1.6 million, 30,000 are just a hand full of peanuts, right?

“No wonder many people are worried and unsettled. They ask: ‘can the state protect me?’ Politicians must take this insecurity seriously.”

And He Joined Forces With Bigfoot

Adolf Hitler ‘Escaped Germany And Fled To Colombia’ Claims Report In Declassified CIA Document

Hitler

And he joined forces with Bigfoot, like I said, and got help from the Reptilians, too, to conspire to assaisnate JFK. After which they faked the moon landing along with the Iluminati and planned the attacks on 9/11 as an inside job. But before that they released the Hitler diaries over there at the the Stern.

SS-Mann berichtete Agenten, Hitler habe als Adolf Schüttelmayer in Kolumbien gelebt.

Homeless Go Home!

Homeless go home? So you can be, I dunno, homeless there instead?

Homeless

There were roughly 2,000 homeless in Berlin twenty years ago. Ever since the Eastern European countries have allowed freedom to travel it plain to see that more and more people live in the city’s streets and parks. The railway station mission and Caritas organization estimate that up to 10,000 homeless are stranded in Berlin today.

Half of the rough sleepers in the German capital are Polish nationals, German news outlet Deutsche Welle has reported.

City authorities and charity organisations in Berlin expect Poland and other Central and Eastern European countries to pull their weight in helping their homeless compatriots by providing financial help and social workers, said Ortrud Wohlwend, from the Berlin-based Stadtmission organisation.

Foreign rough sleepers in Germany are not entitled to any help from the state. They do have the right to medical care as EU citizens, however, and may apply for unemployment benefit after five years of living in the country.

Vor zwanzig Jahren, heißt es, hätten rund 2000 Obdachlose in der Stadt gelebt. Seit der Reisefreiheit für osteuropäische Staaten ist aber mit bloßem Auge zu erkennen, dass in der Stadt immer mehr Menschen auf Straßen und in Parks leben. Bahnhofsmission und Caritas schätzen, heute seien bis zu zehntausend Obdachlose in Berlin gestrandet.

German Of The Day: Tapfer

That means brave or valiant. Yeah, here’s to you tapfer drug dealers hanging out in the parks of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg.

Drugs

Only in Berlin, folks. No joke: Somebody over at that district’s museum of local history has set up an exhibition honoring the “undaunted” criminal African drug dealers who carry out their illegal trade despite the slings and arrows of outreageous fortune they are forced to endure like… I dunno. Being pursued by the cops for breaking the law?

Oh yeah, and there’s racism involved, too (there always is). These guys are “in the spotlight of racist animosity” and are the “scapegoats for collective hate” because all they want to do is sell illegal drugs and the system won’t let them do it. Oppression everywhere you look these days, I tell you.

This is an outrage, damn it! That something like this exhibition is possible and it isn’t even meant to be a joke, I mean. Or is it? The more I read this the less sure about it I am.

„Drogendealer leisten einen gesellschaftlich wertvollen und von vielen Menschen geschätzten Dienst – und zwar dort, wo sie gut zu erreichen sind: mitten im Bezirk, vor allem in den Parks.“

PS: Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg is a so-called red-red-green district governed by the Greens, the SPD and the Left Party. Just in case you were wondering.

Which Germany Is This Guy Talking About?

“Why Germany Is Better at Resisting Fake News”

Fake

It’s not the Germany I live in. Germans don’t resist fake news, they roll around in it like pigs in the mud. Only they pretend their news is not fake. Their fake news doesn’t stink, in other words. And their fake news is different than our fake news, of course. Maybe that’s why they can pretend it isn’t fake: German fake news is generated by the government broadcasters and funded by taxation for which the viewers have no representation.

Here is a little example recently to give you an idea of what I mean. If 98 percent negative reporting about Donald Trump done by a state-run broadcasting monopoly isn’t fake news I don’t know what is. Germans would be skeptical about 98 percent negative reporting on Hitler. Nobody here bats an eye about this, however. What is there to resist, right?

More regulation of social media, less news consumption from alternative sources and no Fox News.

Berlin’s BER Airport Nonexistent And Too Small At The Same Time

Previously thought to be impossible within the realm of phenomenal reality, airport physisists were more than a little shocked today to discover that Berlin’s infamously nonexistent and still not new BER airport – latest takeoff delay soon to be announced for 2019 – is nevertheless much too small, despite its nothingness.

BER

Too small to ever be a grown-up, major hub-like airport, that is. If it ever were to see the light of day, of course. Which it might not. These are theoretical airport physisists we’re talking about here, in case you were wondering.

Ein Start des BER vor 2019 gilt als unwahrscheinlich. Flughafenchef Engelbert Lütke Daldrup will in diesem Jahr einen Eröffnungstermin nennen.

Israel

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Submarine

Because somebody has to admire them.

Meanwhile… All of Germany’s six submarines are currently out of action. The country’s only operational sub had an accident off the coast of Norway on the weekend and was moved into the ThyssenKrupp Marine Systems’ shipyard in Kiel. In that incident, the U-35 had a rudder blade damaged during a diving maneuver.

No, it’s not like Germany merely has an alibi army, or in this case navy, just to justify its lucrative weapon sales. It just looks that way.

The Wild Boar Is The One Without The Gun

I knew that German wild boars were tough hummamuffers but I had no idea they were this tough.

Boar

This was like the Bonnie and Clyde of wild boars or something. If you read this report (really, really fast without paying too much attention to the words like I did) you will discover that this pair of pigs robbed a bank, ripped a man’s car off, ate somebody’s finger, then smashed the car before being ambushed by law officers near Sailes, Louisiana.

Looks like they got Clyde, too. Those no good #!?\ß§!s.

Police confirmed on Facebook that two “grown, aggressive wild pigs” have been running through Heide city centre since around 9am local time.