Kleinvieh Macht Auch Mist

May 27, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Guns, Idioms, Imports, Pacifism, Small Arms, Weapons, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Literally, “small animals make manure, too.” But of course this German idiom means more. What they’re really saying is “every little bit counts.”

And the Süddeutsche Zeitung just found a whole bunch of manure when it brought out a report about German small arms sales. They hit an all-time high in 2012, at more than double the previous year’s sales.

And Germans are really concerned about this (not). Not at all, really. As a matter of fact, as far as I can tell, the only time Germans seem to get concerned about small arms is when one of those crazy Americans goes berserk and uses one to kill a bunch of innocent people again because there is simply not enough effective gun control legislation in that dang dern US-Amerika country of theirs. Legislation aimed at stopping small arms imports from Germany, I suppose they mean.

Exporting small weapons is a contentious issue as they are used to kill far more people than heavy weapons and major military equipment around the world. Amnesty International estimates that 1,000 people die each day from gunshot wounds inflicted by small arms. Owing to their size, they are also the hardest weapons to keep track of, and circulate with comparative ease in conflict zones.

Global Warming Five-Year Plan To Be Revised

May 20, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Henryk M. Broder, Humor, Satire, Umweltbundesamt, Warming Trends Leave a comment

A pesky and persistent slowdown in global warming over the past several years is now prompting global warming watchdog officials to lower their next five-year temperature forecast plan of doom and distress and nobody out there likes it one damned bit.

Greenhouse gas emissions have continued to rise, these same scientists say, and this makes them wonder why Earth is not getting warmer as this was bekanntlich (as you know) not vorgesehen (envisioned) in the last five-year plan.

Don’t get them wrong, however. Rest assured that the longer-term warning, I mean warming trend will remain one of cataclysmic environmental destruction and human annihilation and no five-year plan will ever change that because it can’t. That option is not an option. It if were an option then the whole Aufregung (commotion) we’ve been going through all these years would have been nothing more than a ridiculous bout of collective hysteria.

“It certainly is no reason to relax.”

Es handelt sich um einen in der deutschen Nachkriegsgeschichte einzigartigen Fall von obrigkeitsstaatlicher Intervention in eine öffentlich geführte Diskussion.

Euro Hawk Actually Euro Turkey

May 16, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bundeswehr, Drones, Euro Hawk, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Politics, Satire 4 Comments

Just when Germans thought that they could own a drone of their own, one of those fancy European-made Euro Hawk drone type drones, somebody finally did the math and figured out that the 508 million euros already spent for the prototype had already been more than enough already.

Now Germany is in talks with Israel on buying something called a Heron TP drone instead. I assume that the TP stands for Total Preiswert (totally inexpensive) and this is definitely the way to go because if you absolutely positively have to own killing machines that you will never ever use in a million years anyway, cheapness is what you want.

Berlin sucht den Drohnen-Depp!

Indonesia

May 8, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Exports, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Profit, Weapons 1 Comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Dumm Gelaufen

May 6, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, High Art, History, Home Cooking Tags: Aircraft, Battle of Britain, Bombers, Dornier 17, England, German, Germans, Germany, History, RAF, Technology, UK, WWII Leave a comment

Hard luck – for this not-tricky-enough maneuver by a group of German Dornier 17 bombers near Kent in the summer of 1940. For this one plane in particular, I should say (very interesting video). But, in a way, it turned out to be good luck for all of us now.

The plane in question is believed to have crashed on 26 August 1940, brought down by an RAF fighter called the Boulton-Paul Defiant.

The stricken bomber flew south, rapidly losing power and height. The pilot tried to bring his plane down on the water. But when his wingtip touched the surface, he lost control and the plane apparently flipped, coming to rest on its back. The pilot and observer survived; the other two crew members died.

“This aircraft is going to be the only one of its type in existence in the world. There are little bits and pieces – the RAF Museum have a tail section, for one. But this aircraft is complete and therefore its price from a historical viewpoint is invaluable.”

Germans Bemoan Loaned Drones And Condone Owned Drones Instead

May 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Aircraft, Berlin, Drones, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Satire, Surveillance, Weapons 1 Comment

Drones aren’t so evil after all, it seems. As long as Germans are flying them, I mean.

A German Defense Ministry representative says that the US is ready to approve an official German request for three armed MQ-9 Reaper drone aircraft (formerly known as the “Predator B”) and four ground control stations, to be filed in May this year.

A Forsa survey released earlier in April suggested that only 12 percent of Germans supported the use of armed drones in all circumstances. A majority of 59 percent approved the idea, however, provided that the aircraft were only used to ward off clear and present danger.

Nur wenige Bundesbürger sind gegen den Einsatz. In einer Forsa-Umfrage für die Zeitschrift „Internationale Politik” sprachen sich 12 Prozent der Befragten für eine generelle Erlaubnis aus, 59 Prozent plädierten für einen Drohnen-Einsatz unter bestimmten Bedingungen, etwa zur Abwendung einer unmittelbaren Gefahr. Nur 27 Prozent der Bundesbürger wollen bewaffnete Drohnen generell verbieten.

Empty Box Empty Box

April 21, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Boston Marathon, Crime Fighting, German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg Marathon, Paranoia, Security, Terror, Terrorism 1 Comment

Hamburg police have determined that an empty box found in a subway station just before the Hamburg Marthon was scheduled to begin turned out in fact to be an empty box.

However, if the box had not been empty, no one would have had any video footage of the person who had placed it there because, as you can see, surveillance cameras are still black (as in evil) in Germany.

In light of the Boston Marathon bombings, a new German “debate” about increasing the number of surveillance cameras has begun once again but will lead to nowhere fast as usual.

Kurze Aufregung im Umfeld des Hamburg-Marathon: Die Polizei hat am Sonntag einen verdächtigen Gegenstand in einem U-Bahnhof in der Innenstadt untersucht.

Germans Want More CONTROL

April 19, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypochondria Tags: Angst, Berlin, Bureaucracy, Control, Germans, Germany, Get Smart, Humor, Internet, Politics, Satire 2 Comments

A commission convened by Germany’s parliament believes the Internet should be given a greater political priority in the country.

The commission has recommended that Germany needs a permanent Internet commissioner.

CONTROL good. KAOS (the Internet) bad.

Let There Be Light

April 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, History, Humor Tags: Aerial Photography, Architecture, Berlin, Buildings, East Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Swastikas, West Berlin 1 Comment

Or at least a little more of it in the eastern half of town, I mean.

“Berlin at night. Amazingly, I think the light bulbs still show the East/West division from orbit.”

PS: Speaking of interesting aerial shots of Berlin…

OK, OK. This is in San Diego. But still.

There actually is one of these in Berlin, I’m told. I just couldn’t find it right now. Anybody know where?

Guy Paid To Warn Germans About Too Much Video Surveillance Warns Germans About Too Much Video Surveillance

April 17, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Crime Fighting, Data Protection, Fear, Frank Zappa, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia, Satire, Video Surveillance 1 Comment

This guy and millions of other Germans, too (although they don’t get paid and therefore do it for free).

Datenschutzbeauftragten (data protection officers) are just that way over here, whether they’re Datenschutzbeauftragten or not.

It doesn’t matter that most of this video surveillance might be taking place for a reasonable reason (like crime prevention/fighting – think Boston Marathon), there is clearly a pathological fear of being watched in play over here (and not just over here, either). It’s a sign of the times, I guess. I know. It’s only paranoia (but I like it).

Oh. This suddenly reminded me of some old lyrics (sort of) to Frank Zappa’s Didja Get Any Onya?

…Years ago in Germany when I was a very small boy, zere was a lot of people standing around on ze corners asking questions: “Why are you standing on ze corner, acting ze way you act, looking like you look? WHY DO YOU LOOK THAT WAY?” And they ask me and I only would say: “I don’t . . . I don’t know, I’m just standing ’round ze corner waiting here . . . just in . . . in ze evening, and . . . and it’s so nice outside . . . the night is so nice . . . why . . . are you just asking these questions . . . ”

“Offenbar scheint eine notorische Neigung zu bestehen, Nachbarn zu überwachen. Und eine pathologische Befürchtung, überwacht zu werden.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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