HFBS

I call it Hurt Feelings Burnout Syndrome (HFBS). With an emphasis on the BS. Oh man, I had to laugh out loud while reading the latest on the poor, misunderstood German front.

It appears that many German intellectuals are very concerned about how their European neighbors think of them (Germany) these days. Needless to say, it isn’t very highly at all. And some have come to the stunning conclusion that they are so disliked at the moment because, now get this, they are so big and strong. Imagine that.

Germany is the USA of Europe – only with a different history.

You don’t need to puzzle for very long about the question of why so much Nazi name-calling is going on at the moment: For the first time since 1945, Germany has appeared in full strength again. Not because anybody wanted it, but because the European debt crisis has made the most economically powerful country the most politically powerful one, as well. Germany is now intervening in the internal affairs of others in a big way.

Slowly but surely, the country is taking over a role for Europe that the USA has played for the rest of the world for so long, as being the country that uses (and sometimes misuses) its power, the country that is to blame for everything, the country that is supposed to save everything and is reviled for the way it does it. What has America not been accused of? The CIA has always been behind everything and American imperialism has always been the motivation.

How moving. Or something. And the rest of the story? Now folks are calling Germans Nazis again (as if they had ever stopped). Boo-hoo-hoo already. Come on, Germany. Wake up and smell the coffee. You’re the big kid on the block. Run with it. Enjoy. It comes with the turf.

And in a related story (I find), it turns out that Germans are also now “burning out” like flies (it’s hard to carry on when nobody likes you, I guess). This imaginary disease (yet another American import – are we having irony yet?) is currently running rampant among Germany’s workforce, with nearly 1 out of 10 sick days in Germany in 2010 being attributed to it (tendency rising). Another connection to US-Amerika? Oh my God. No wonder so many Germans are getting sick. Please note: The high-brow daily Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung questioned why burnout was being written so much about in Germany, while in France, which is economically a lot worse off, “it’s hardly a preoccupation at all.”

Remember: HFBS is incurable, but there are many effective treatments. One of them is shutting the #!?#! up.

Man braucht wirklich nicht lange an der Frage rumzurätseln, warum die Nazi-Vergleiche im Moment so oft gezogen werden: Zum ersten Mal seit 1945 tritt Deutschland wieder mit voller Macht auf, nicht weil man das gewollt hätte, sondern weil die europäische Schuldenkrise das ökonomisch stärkste auch zum politisch mächtigsten Land gemacht hat. Deutschland greift nun tief ein in die inneren Angelegenheiten Dritter.

Allmählich bekommt das Land für Europa eine ähnliche Funktion, wie sie die USA lange Zeit für die ganze Welt hatten. Als jene Macht, die ihre Kraft gebrauchte, manchmal missbrauchte, die an allem schuld war, die alles retten sollte und sich dafür beschimpfen lassen musste, wie sie es tat. Was wurde den Amerikanern nicht alles Übles angedichtet, immer steckte die CIA hinter allem Bösen, stets wurden die Amerikaner des Imperialismus geziehen.

PS: I hate to admit it, Germany, but I guess we’ve got more in common than we would like to admit (thanks for the idea, Old Phat Stu).

Sinking Ships Can’t Stop Them

Ethiopian gunmen can’t stop them.

Germans just can’t stop going on vacation. It’s what they do.

And that’s why they win the Reiseweltmeisterpreis (World Champion Travellers Award) every year. It’s not a real award, of course, but Germans are always talking about it as if it were (and only a German would be interested in winning an award like that in the first place, come to think of it).

And in 2011, the German nation spent 60 billion euros (that’s billion with a b) on travel.

“Tourists don’t know where they’ve been, travelers don’t know where they’re going.”

Die Deutschen bleiben Reiseweltmeister. Über 60 Milliarden Euro gaben sie laut einer Studie 2011 für Reisen ins Ausland aus.

Republicans Hurting European Feelings Again

And when they’re not doing that they’re hurting each other’s feelings – by calling each another too European. Yikes. Talk about hitting below the belt (but somebody’s got to do it).

It’s a scandal or something. And I’m shocked, I guess (I really thought they would have more powerful stuff than this). But some of these are pretty good, actually:

“Obama wants to turn the US into a European welfare state.”

“I don’t believe in Europe. I believe in America.”

“I don’t think Europe is working in Europe. I know it won’t work here.”

“You want to see America after the Obama administration is through, just read up on Greece.”

“Obama has a European social democratic vision.”

“American elites are guided by their desire to emulate the European elites. As a result, anti-religious values and principles are coming to dominate the academic, news media and judicial class in America.”

“The president said he wants to fundamentally transform America. I kind of like America. I’m not looking for it to be fundamentally transformed into something else. I don’t want it to become like Europe.”

Recently, RC Hammond, the spokesman for Newt Gingrich’s campaign, commented on Mitt Romney’s alleged support for a value added tax. “The fact that he’s willing to look at European Socialism shows just how far out of the conservative mainstream he is.”

We’ll Import Power From Anywhere

Even from Austria, if need be. And need there be.

“Missing power lines” are the cause behind the missing energy being missed in Southern Germany these days, we are told. That’s why Austria is being asked to help big buddy Germany out with a little “emergency energy,” pretty please.

But Austrians do this gladly, I think, because they know that if those missing German power lines weren’t missing than those missing power lines would be transporting tons of wonderful wind energy from the high German north to those energy-hungry factories in the south (and beyond to Austria?) where it’s missing at the moment, the energy. Like I said. Or so the theory.

The missing German nuclear power plants that were shut off after Fukushima (that’s in Japan) aren’t being missed by anybody here, though. Forget about them. It’s not the missing German nuclear power plants. It’s the missing power lines that are missing, I mean messing everything up around here.

Die Bundesnetzagentur hatte vor langfristigen Engpässen bei der Stromversorgung gewarnt. Die Versorgungssicherheit bleibe durch den Atomausstieg für eine Reihe von Jahren angespannt.

What Do You Mean A Man Dressed As Santa Claus?

A man dressed as Santa Claus poses with his ‘helpers’ who are busy answering children’s letters in the Santa Claus post office in the Eastern German town of Himmelpfort (Heaven’s Gate) on November 10, 2011. Children can send their Christmas wish lists to Himmelpfort from around the world and receive a reply from Santa. In 2010, the post office here received 285.000 letters in 17 languages.

Merry Christmas and stuff like that.

Talk About Your Christmas Spirit

Would you accept a free drink from a total stranger? Hell yeah, I would (it’s not like anybody is ever going to offer me one).

But Berlin police say this is not a good idea these days, as a man serving vodka-schnapps spiked with a date-rape drug is causing nausea and hurt Christmas feelings at that Berlin Christmas market nearest you.

So you better be good, you better not pout. Just say no. Ho, ho, ho.

Jüngst war der Täter als Weihnachtsmann verkleidet.

The Color Of Money

We’re the Greens. You know, green like money (well it’s green back home)? And that’s what it’s going to cost you too, having voted for us like you did – and yet will (the Greens have become a Volkspartei or major party since Fukushima, remember?).

We only want to help you and we are only doing this for your own good, but in order to ecologically retrofit the German nation it will unfortunately be necessary for our subjects everywhere, green or not, to pay quite heavily through the nose.

It’s all about Umverteilung (redistribution – of other people’s money), as usual. And here at our party convention in Kiel we have come up with just a few of the ways with which this will soon be done:

The toll for trucks will be increased.
The company car privilege will be phased out.
Ecological taxation will be increased, loopholes will be closed.
The tax advantage for married couples will be phased out.
Reduced rate exceptions for the value added tax will be eliminated.
The top tax rate will be increased to 49% (beginning with 80,000 euros gross).
The flat rate withholding tax will be replaced with a progressive tax.
A capital levy on “the rich” will be introduced.
A capital tax will be introduced (replacing the capital levy on “the rich” after ten years).
A “financial market transaction tax” will be introduced.

Like we said, these are just a few modest suggestions for Vorspeise (an appetizer). Just wait until we are actually in power.

Qualität hat ihren Preis (everything comes at a price).

Viva la revolución verde!

Speaking Of Government In Action

Or was it government inaction?

Here’s my personal favorite when it comes to the best (as in worst) cases of German tax revenue negligence for 2011 (so far):

The Bundeswehr stores 227 million rifle cartridges having a combined worth of 116 million euros. At least 40 percent of these cartridges have been stored improperly, however, they are now corroded and can no longer be used and will cost the German taxpayer approximately 46 million euros.

Actually, though, if you think about it, it’s surprising that the Bundeswehr doesn’t have to throw away more corroded ammunition than they already do.

Der Schaden beläuft sich auf 1,5 Milliarden Euro.

Sauerbraten Is Hell

Don’t ever eat German food in northern Afghanistan.

Some 200 NATO soldiers got food poisoning after eating in a German canteen in the ISAF regional headquarters in Mazar-i-Sharif.

But don’t worry, everbody has recovered and “overall fighting strength was not affected” (for the better? – maybe you should worry).

Too bad the kitchen has already been disinfected and everything. They could have started offering this stuff to the Taliban.

Army scientists were still hunting for the source of the infection.