German Of The Day: Böller, Pfannkuchen, Pfefferspray

Silvester (New Year’s Eve) preparations are in full swing here in Germany, folks. So for any of you who might be enjoying the New Year’s Eve celebrations here tomorrow please keep these German words in mind.

Mace

Böller are firecrackers, usually big honking firecrackers, that Germans love blowing up for hours and hours and hours and hours on end, preferably blowing off a finger or two in the process. This is an ancient Germanic tradition that goes back to the Roman era. In Germania, Tacitus tells us, the Germanen often flipped off Roman soldiers during New Year’s Eve celebrations but, being drunk, were easily captured and then got their Stinkefinger cut off as punishment. After the Romans left new ways of removing fingers had to be developed.

Pfannkuchen or Berliner Pfannkuchen or just Berliner are pancakes, eaten in massive amounts around midnight. This tradition goes back to the 1950s when a Berlin housewife messed up an American doughnut recipe by forgetting to add the hole and putting way too much jam filling inside instead.

Pfefferspray is pepper spray or mace and is a new tradition that began shortly after last year’s Silvester celebrations, introduced in Cologne by another Kulturkreis (cultural circle), origins unknown.

In Sicherheit feiern – Mit Pfefferspray durch die Silvesternacht?

Misleading AND Unsettling

That’s what German agriculture minister Christian Schmidt thinks about food names like “vegetarian schnitzel” and “vegan curry sausage.” He even thinks that names like these should be banned because they mislead and unsettle the public.

Wurst

And I almost agree – those two names unsettle me, for one. Only what do you do about all those other weird traditional German food names out there already? You know, like Leberkäse (liver cheese – neither liver nor cheese inside), Teewurst (tea sausage – no tea), Bierschinken (beer ham – no beer), Baumkuchen (tree cake – no tree), Armer Ritter (poor knight – no knight, poor or otherwise) and Amerikaner (there sure the hell better not be any Americans in there!)? I mean, how misleading and unsettling is that? Let’s cut our loses and call the whole thing off, Herr Minister Schmidt.

Niemand dürfe „bei diesen Pseudo-Fleischgerichten so tun, als ob es Fleisch wäre“, forderte Schmidt.

Next Delay For Berlin Airport Opening Postponed Until 2018

German newspapers are reporting that the latest delay announcement expected for the opening of Berlin’s troubled old new airport will now push the currently planned postponement back until the spring of 2018.

Airport

Disappointed Berliners had been hoping that the next delay announcement could have come as late as the spring of 2017 but this will now have to be moved forward as a new round of cost overruns and construction errors have caused yet another delay for that next planned delay.

Rumor has it that the Berlin Brandenburg Klaus Wowereit International Airport had originally been set to open in 2011 but no one can be located who can verify this with any certainty anymore.

The official announcement for the delay of the delay has been postponed until next year.

“Mir ist keine Entscheidung zwischen Weihnachten und Neujahr bekannt.”

German Communities To Expand Use Of So-Called “Cameras”

Apparently as a reaction to the latest outcry for better public TV programing, many German municipalities are now suddenly calling for the more wide-spread installation of so-called closed-circuit television “cameras” to offer their captive audiences a more interactive and rewarding viewing experience.

Cameras

They are also calling for a more realistic reevaluation and better treatment methods for the German obsessive-compulsive disorder commonly referred to as “Datenschutz” here, although what that has to do with better public television programming remains unclear to the author as of this writing.

“Derzeit wird in Deutschland vieles, was möglich wäre, mit Hinweis auf den Datenschutz verhindert.”

Women These Days

After insulting Western men for years by always insisting upon wearing those God-awful pantsuits, Germany’s defense minister Ursula von der Leyen has forthwith joined the chore of uppity women who now go out of their way to insult Saudi men by not wearing a hijab.

hijab

“The right to choose your own clothing is a right shared by men and women alike,” the snooty German visitor announced in Riyadh. “It annoys me, when women are to be pushed into the Abaya.”

One so-called man then took a hijab at her by tweeting: “The German Defense Minister is wearing that pantsuit in Saudi Arabia deliberately. And everywhere else she goes, too. This is an outrage and an insult to us all.”

“The German Defense Minister: not wearing the hijab in Saudi was deliberate. This is an insult to Saudi Arabia.”

German Of The Day: Vollspacko

That means “complete dumbass,” or something along those lines. And this guy below should know. When to use the term, I mean.

Vollspacko

“I only landed tenth place on Playboy’s Man of the Year! That’s nine places behind that complete dumbass Böhermann,” Till Schweiger wrote on Facebook.

And that, I think, is probably one of the most intelligent things I’ve ever heard Till Schweiger say.

„Beim Playboy bin ich auf auf Platz Zehn gelandet! 9 Plätze hinter dem Vollspacko Böhmermann.“

Russia Trying To Destabilize Germany But Germany Still Way Better

Germans were shocked upon learning today that Russia is trying to destabilize German society with propaganda and cyber attacks ahead of next year’s general election, many fearing that the unwanted foreign competition could stifle their own government’s efforts to do the same.

Russia

“The Russians should mind their own damned business and concentrate on destabilizing their own society,” one irate commentator said. “We have the will, the means, the experience and the elected and non-elected officials to do so on our own, thank you. And we’re talking ‘made in Germany’ quality here, people. So go take a flying leap at a rolling pirozhki already.”

The warning was the bluntest public claim yet from Germany’s BfV agency about Moscow’s alleged campaign of disinformation and hacking targeting Europe’s biggest economy.

At Least They Got The Dominatrix Part Right

I love Conan O’Brien. But I have to agree with this article here that his show didn’t seem to get much right during his trip to Berlin (to be aired tonight). When it comes to Berlin, I mean.

Dominatrix

The US comedian came to Berlin in the summer to shoot material for an on-the-road version of his show. Word has it he visited some of the capital’s grungier clubs and generally took in the city’s alternative scene. So why to God does the teaser to his show involve him dancing in lederhosen to the music of a moustachioed accordion player? It is about as accurate as a German going to Honolulu and filming himself line dancing in cowboy garb.

“Me going to a dominatrix seemed like it would be compelling. And it turned out to be even more compelling because she didn’t treat it like a joke! She wanted to put things inside of me and do things to me, and I kept trying to stop her but keep it on the line where it would still be comedic but not break my marital vows.”

German Moon Mission A Hoax

A German Lunar X-Prize team’s announcement that it plans to send two mobile probes to the Moon to inspect the lunar rover left behind by the Apollo 17 mission has been exposed as a hoax because everybody knows that these Apollo moon landings never took place in the first place.

Hoax

The team hopes to land its probes about 2 to 3 miles (3 to 5 km) from the touch down site of Apollo 17 in the Taurus-Littrow valley. From there, the vehicles will drive to within 200 meters (656 feet) of the Apollo rover and inspect it remotely…

The Google Lunar X-Prize requires its competitors to land their probes on the Moon in 2017, which gives us something to look forward to next year. Once the probe sends back its high-definition pictures of the lunar rover, you can happily show them to your annoying Moon Truther friends.