Germans Puzzled By Scandinavia’s Innovative New “Identity Checks”

After Sweden moved to introduce so-called “identity checks” for all passengers arriving from Denmark, Denmark, too, has now imposed controls on its southern border with Germany in an attempt to stem the flow of migrants advancing unremittingly from the south.

Denmark

“What do you mean?” asked one baffled and highly underemployed German border authority when told of this. “They like actually demand to see a passport or an ID from every person who wants to enter their country and can even refuse them entry if like, say, they don’t have one? I don’t get it. What would be the point of that?”

“A step in the right direction. Schengen has collapsed. The illusion of external borders has burst. Why does it take such a long time to recognise this?”

German Of The Day: Wutbürger

That means outraged citizens. And although they’ve always been around (Germans are always empört/outraged about something), Angela Merkel’s ongoing open-arms refugee policy seems to be generating more and more of them all the time.

Wutbürger

And whoopee! 2016 just happens to be a big regional election year. Unless things start to change real fast (ha, ha, ha), I wonder who’s going to be getting all these votes? Not.

Originally founded as a eurosceptic movement a few years ago, the party Alternative for Germany (AfD) came close to its demise – until it split in two. Now, it has experienced a surge in public opinion. Euroscepticism is barely mentioned any more; the new party is acting as an anti-refugee party. If elections were to take place today, the AfD would probably enter parliament with a double-digit election result.

Lyrics Aren’t Everything

Especially when you don’t have any.

PEGIDA

A wordless song released by the anti-Islam group PEGIDA has knocked Adele off the top off the top of Amazon’s German downloads chart.

The song, Gemeinsam sind wir stark! or Together We Are Strong!, is being sold to raise funds for the protest movement, short for Patriotic Europeans Against the Islamisation of the Occident.

“Unfortunately, the product does not work,” Party-Idiot Patriot wrote. “I have repeatedly listened to the song with friends, but we are neither stronger nor more German.”

Speaking Of Explosions…

Germans typically turn their country into a war zone on New Year’s Eve, blowing the begeezus out of every small to medium-large object they can get their fingers on (fingers included) with big honking fireworks for hours and hours and hours on end. It’s just what they do.

Fireworks

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon how you look at it), they are not “alone” this year and some communities are now banning setting off these fireworks near or on the grounds of the many refugee centers located in Germany now “out of concern about the psychological effects on refugees,” a lot of whom having come here from real war zones. As far as bad ideas from local government go, maybe this one isn’t that bad at all.

In der Ersten Verordnung zum Sprengstoffgesetz heißt es: “Das Abbrennen pyrotechnischer Gegenstände in unmittelbarer Nähe von Kirchen, Krankenhäusern, Kinder- und Altersheimen sowie Reet- und Fachwerkhäusern ist verboten.” Kommunen können darüber hinaus weitere Verbotsbereiche bestimmen.

This Guy Has The Darwin Award In The Bag

Man dies in Germany after blowing up condom machine: A man died on Christmas Day in Germany after he was hit in the head by a flying piece of metal from a condom machine that he and two accomplices blew up in an apparent robbery attempt, police said on Monday.

Darwin

They didn’t give the names of the two accomplices but I’ll bet you a pack of Trojans they were Moe and Larry.

The Darwin Awards recognize individuals who have supposedly contributed to human evolution by selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization by their own actions.

Mit einem selbst gebauten Sprengsatz wollte das Trio wohl an die Einnahmen aus dem Gummi-Automaten kommen.

German Of The Day: Heulsuse

A “howling Susie” is a crybaby here. You know, like that Palestinian refugee girl who just got granted a three-year residence permit for herself and her family for being one?

Cry

In a related story, hundreds of thousands of refugees all across Germany have suddenly broken out in a spontaneous public fit of sobbing, bawling and bewailing, the likes of which have never ever been seen or heard before in this country (Germans prefer to spontaneously moan, gripe, grumble and lament loudly in public).

Bei einer Veranstaltung mit Kanzlerin Angela Merkel (61, CDU) im Juli brach sie vor laufender Kamera in Tränen aus: Merkel hatte ihr erklärt, dass Deutschland Flüchtlinge zurückschicken müsse, wenn sie keinen Anspruch auf Bleiben hätten. Auch Reems Fall werde ganz normal geprüft und könne so enden.

Rejected Asylum Seeker Problem To Be Solved In No Time

In no geologic time, I mean.

Asylum Seekers

Wow. “Germany reports doubling of deportation numbers 2015” to more than 18,000 rejected asylum seekers, the headline goes. So, in other words, take a chill pill and relax already everybody. At this rate the rest of those to be rejected – from the 1,000,000+++ that have arrived so far in Germany this year – ought to be back home again by Easter, thus reducing the number remaining to 1,000,000++ (that’s minus one +). From the 2015 number, I mean. Next year all bets are off, however.

In 2014, German authorities registered 10,884 deportations. This year, the number rose to 18,363 until the end of November, the interior ministry said.

German ISIS Terrorist Comes Clean, Has Face And Most Of Last Name Removed

Face

Harry S., after all, is more than just a witness to firing squads and decapitations. He also says that on several occasions, IS members tried to recruit volunteers for terrorist attacks in Germany. In the spring, just after he first arrived in Syria, he says that he and another Islamist from Bremen were asked if they could imagine perpetrating attacks in Germany. Later, when he was staying not far from Raqqa, the self-proclaimed Islamic State capital city, masked men drove up in a jeep. They too asked him if he was interested in bringing the jihad to his homeland. Harry S. says he told them that he wasn’t prepared to do so.

“Merkel, you dirty dog, We will take revenge.”

Hate Speech To Be Gone Within 24 Hours, Dumb Speech Remains Untouched

In an international move of solidarity to promote goodness and niceness the world over for the betterment of the entire human race itself,  the nations of Germany, Facebook Google and Twitter have agreed to end hate speech from their websites in our time or at least within 24 hours of its issue.

Facebook

“This cuts right to the root of the whole hate thing,” a spokesman for the nation of Germany stressed. “As we have all learned through our years of experience in enforcing political correctness, merely using the proper terminology or “newspeak” is enough to alleviate the actual causes behind this improper way of thinking, I mean speaking. It’s like magic.”

Another spokesman assured the public that only hate speech will be targeted here and that all that other kinds of dumb, inane and annoying speech, the vast majority of speech that’s out there, will remain untouched.

“Wir dürfen den geistigen Brandstiftern nicht das Feld überlassen – weder auf der Straße noch im Netz.”

German Of The Day: Inszenierung

Erich Honecker would be proud. Or at least a little envious.

Congress

Inszenierung means staging, or a political staging or production in this case.

Despite the incredibly deep division in Germany regarding the ongoing refugee crisis, the 1000 delegates at Angela Merkel’s CDU party congress yesterday honored her with enthusiastic applause and a 99% approval rating of open door policy. What they really think about it is of course another matter.

Meanwhile… The number of crimes committed against refugees in connection with their accommodation has risen drastically this year, nearly doubling to 1610.

Die CDU hat mit einem Leitantrag zu Flucht und Integration ihrer Parteivorsitzenden Angela Merkel deutlich den Rücken gestärkt. Der vom Bundesvorstand am Sonntagnachmittag noch leicht geänderte Antrag fand am Montag beim Bundesparteitag eine Zustimmung von etwa 99 Prozent der rund 1.000 Delegierten.