German Security Officials Now Ready To Consider Introducing More McDonald’s Restaurants

December 17, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Big Brother, Bombings, Bonn, CCTV, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, McDonald's, Paranoia, Satire, Security, Surveillance, Terror, Terrorists 1 Comment

After the German city of Bonn narrowly escaped a deadly bombing last week – and unable to locate the suspected radical Islamist perpetrators due to a lack of recorded surveillance images – German authorities are now ready to consider intensifying the use of CCTV surveillance in Germany by dramatically increasing the number of McDonald’s restaurants allowed to open for business here.

“Violent criminals could be deterred and crimes and planned attacks more quickly cleared up with increased McDonald’s video technology in public spaces,” one Interior Ministry spokesman said. “I mean, like we’ve got to do something now, don’t we?”

The only surveillance images that could help the police in the hunt for the Bonn perpetrators come from the McDonald’s fast food chain. Unlike Deutsche Bahn, the McDonald’s restaurant on Platform 1 did record activity with its surveillance cameras.

Secret Weapons Deals?

December 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Military Industrial Complex, Pacifism, Peace, Weapons, Weapons Exports 1 Comment

Since when has any of this been a secret?

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.

International Olympic Committee To Disqualify All East German Olympic Medals

December 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Cheating, Communism, Doping, East Germany, German, Germans, Germany, Lance Armstrong, Olympics, Sports, Stasi Leave a comment

Just kidding.

That the IOC seems determined to find a way to strip Armstrong’s time trial medal prompted Bill Mallon, one of the world’s leading Olympic historians, to ask in an email why the Olympic officials can’t do it for the medals won by doped East German athletes.

It’s a good question.

There actually is more documented evidence of East German doping than there is of Armstrong’s. The Stasi (East German secret police) files opened after the 1989 fall of the Berlin Wall gave names, dates, and dosages, implicating many East German Olympic medalists from 1972 through 1988.

Yuppie Scum Need Not Apply

December 4, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Foreigners, Gentrification, German, Germans, Germany, Hipsters, Humor, Property, Real Estate, Satire, Tourism, Yuppies 2 Comments

What would you do if hords of uninvited strangers suddenly started pouring into your city for temporary visits in order to pump boatloads of money into your local economy? What would you do if affluent and upwardly mobile young expats moved into your neighborhood(s) and started opening businesses, buying homes and increasing the property values there?

Why you’d freak the hell out and demand that they get the freak out of Dodge by sundown, wouldn’t you? Oh, you wouldn’t? Then you’re not German. Worse still: You don’t live in Berlin and you’re not a Berliner, either.

Viva the Hipster Antifa Neukölln or something.

“The anti-foreigner thing started as a bit of a joke but now it is much more serious. This is critical, it is sneaking into mainstream thinking – it’s almost being perceived as normal to dislike tourists.”

Saudi Arabia

December 2, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Middle East, Military Industrial Complex, Saudi Arabia, Weapons, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Europe Speaking With One Voice Again

November 29, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Israel, Palestina, United Nations Leave a comment

Not. Ho hum. Been there, done that.

Ahead of the United Nations vote that is set to recognize a Palestinian state, Germany has announced it will abstain.

Having strong European support strengthens the Palestinian bid for recognition in the face of US resistance, and they have likely found it in Austria, Denmark, Norway, Finland, France, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, Portugal, Spain and Switzerland. Meanwhile the Czech Republic and the Netherlands appear to be leaning toward a “no” vote, while Britain could abstain along with Germany.

So in case you were wondering, European unity never was, is or will be a possibility.

“The German government has, through its own tactical maneuvering, failed to come to an understanding with its partners. This will further diminish the weight of Europe in the Middle East.”

We Ain’t No Fools

November 25, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Banking, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Politics, Satire, SPD, Switzerland, Tax evasion Leave a comment

It’s either all or nothing when you’re the SPD and it comes to German tax evaders with Swiss bank accounts. So, uh, we’ll take nothing.

It has to do with principle or something. Rejecting the deal that would have allowed Germans with “undeclared assets in Switzerland to avoid punishment by making a one-off payment” was absolutely essential for Germany’s opposition Social Democrats. Because, well, because why was that again? Oh yeah, now I remember. Because by passing the Swiss tax deal, the Genossen (comrades) explain, this would have made “honest taxpayers feel like fools.”

So now the honest taxpayers the SPD is so concerned about lose out on roughly 180-200bn euros that they will have come up with themselves (because the SPD would never in their wildest dreams ever even consider cutting spending – reducing taxes – on the other side of the equation). But at least they won’t have to feel like they’re fools while doing so.

“The German upper house has missed a major opportunity to reach a fair, optimum and sustainable solution for all parties to definitively settle the bilateral tax issues.”

“We’re going to prove that three public-sector owners can build a project like this,”

November 23, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Airports, BBI, BER International Airport, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Meglomania, Projects, Public Sector, Satire, Social Democrats, SPD 2 Comments

Wowereit said.

The investigation into the massive delays in opening Berlin’s new BER international airport have begun. Managers have been fired and architects have been sued — but what about the capital’s mayor, who has led the prestige project since 2001?

…Hochtief executives quickly learned that the project had changed since Wowereit had been put in charge. Now the walls were to be covered with expensive walnut veneer paneling. The roof was to be built in a futuristic, free-floating design. And the granite used for the floors at other major airports, like Hamburg and Düsseldorf, was no longer good enough. Berlin’s new terminal had to have expensive Jura limestone floors instead.

…Wowereit, a member of the center-left Social Democratic Party (SPD), also recognized early on that the one person who doesn’t hold any share of the blame is Wowereit himself.

“I don’t see what concrete accusations should be leveled against the supervisory board,” says Wowereit.

These Blackouts Happened All The Time Before The Energy Turnaround Too

November 15, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Alternative Energy, Blackouts, Electricity, Energy Turnaround, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Satire, The Green Shirts 1 Comment

Didn’t they?

Munich was the next big German city that suddenly and inexplicably lost power in a big way. But there is absolutely nothing to worry about here, people, because/and I quote: “We do not know what caused the technical problem but it has nothing to do with the energy turnaround or all this talk about unstable power grids.”

Many Munich residents took to social networking site Twitter to voice fears that such power cuts could become more frequent as Germany implements a wide-ranging program to switch from fossil and nuclear fuels to renewable energy.

Stromversorgung in Deutschland laut Netzagentur trotzdem sehr zuverlässig.

Algeria

November 12, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms Sales, Berlin, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Satire, Weapons 5 Comments