American Security Staff Abuses Asylum Seekers In German Shelter

October 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Asylum Seekers, German, Germans, Germany, Refugees 3 Comments

German authorities are investigating at least two American male security staff for apparent abuse of asylum seekers in their care in a special housing facility in Burbach, Germany.

The two American suspects, speaking perfect German and having German passports, filmed and photographed their deplorable actions on their mobile phones.

“These are pictures that we would associate with Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib,” everyone in the country babbled mindlessly in unison. “Both security guards are grinning so they just have to be American.”

Buy Amerikan!

October 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Ancestry, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Industry, Investment, Satire, Takeovers, USA Leave a comment

These are not real Germans.

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

Radicalized German Islamists

October 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Terror, Terrorists, Xenophobia Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.*

Because somebody has to admire them.

A Bavarian criminal investigator has admitted that the state once actively encouraged radicalized Islamists wanting to fight in the Middle East to leave Germany.

* OK. These are giveaways.

German Goats These Days

October 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, Deutsche Oper Berlin, Dinorah, German, Germans, Germany, Giacomo Meyerbeer, Goats, Operas Leave a comment

They’re either demolishing automobiles in a place called Wiesental…

Or playing the lead role in an opera at the Deutsche Oper Berlin. Like, a real goat. I don’t make this stuff up, people.

But I got to tell you that the really bizarre thing about this goat protagonist gig thing is that it isn’t even an original idea:

Dinorah was performed in New York (at the Academy of Music) in Italian on 24 November 1862. As a novelty, it attracted a great deal of attention and (starring the now nearly forgotten Angelina Cordier) was much “ballyooed”. One of its attractions was to be the appearance of an actual, live goat on stage, which “inspired a vast dissemination of facetious goat-lore in all the papers.”

Gazprom Gerd Pushing To Pass More Russian Gas

October 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Dependency, Gas, Gazprom, German, Germans, Germany, Nord Stream, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Schroeder, Social Democracy, SPD, Ukraine Leave a comment

To Germany, that is. Not less (less was yesterday).

And being chairman of the Shareholders’ Committee of Nord Stream, the Russian-German natural gas pipeline (51 percent owned by Gazprom, the Russian state gas monopoly), has absolutely nothing whatsoever at all in the slightest to do with this push one itty-bitty tiny little bit.

Former Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder (SPD) said Wednesday that Germany should deepen energy ties with Russia and urged an end to sanctions. Schroeder, who served as Social Democratic chancellor from 1998 to 2005, retains close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin and celebrated his 70th birthday this year in St. Petersburg, where he was photographed in a bear hug with the Russian leader.

“We would be well-advised to further expand this energy and raw materials partnership with Russia.”

The Germans Are Coming!

September 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Germans, Germany, Hogan's Heroes, Humor, ISIS, NATO, Putin, Satire, Terror 2 Comments

Just not right now.

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

German Of The Day: Wetter

September 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Conservation, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Green Shirts, Water 1 Comment

No, let’s make that the English word of the day instead. Not Wetter, German for weather, let’s go with the English word wetter. You know, as in there are few countries out there that could possibly be wetter than Germany?

But that doesn’t stop Germans from going completely overboard when it comes to unnecessary water conservation measures, of course (and don’t say you heard it from me but it’s the German water mafia I tell you).

People here are known to flush toilets with old bath water and to take turns bathing in the same tub without refilling it. New German toilets typically use about two gallons of water for a full flush and less than one for water-saving.

Conserving water is an expression of personal virtue and social responsibility. But as scholars, utility managers, and municipal officials point out, there is a dark side to the impulse. Sewage stagnates in too-large canals and noxious gas is corroding cement. Basements in Berlin are flooding because of the rising water table.

“Water Saving in Germany Is Nonsense.”

The German War Machine She Is Broken

September 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Army, Bundeswehr, Defense, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Pacifism, Profit Leave a comment

Only half of Germany’s Eurofighters are operational. Of Germany’s 180 tanks (total), only 70 are ready to roll.

But honestly, who cares? Where would these tanks roll to even if they could roll? Other than over and die, I mean.

This “shocking” new revelation that doesn’t shock anybody who has lived in this country for more than five minutes is just another one of these famous German Scheindiskussionen (mock discussions). Everybody here knows that even if all of this equipment was in perfect working condition it would never be used anyway. It’s at times like these when everyone else in the world can see what the German army really is: An Alibi Army (you can’t sell expensive weapons systems without having an army to justify why you built them). Not that anybody out there could care less or anything. But still.

Nur 42 der 74 verfügbaren Eurofighter der Luftwaffe sollen für Ausbildung, Übungsflüge oder Einsatz bereitstehen, bei den Tornado-Jägern seien es nur 38 von 66. Von den 43 aktuell verfügbaren Transall-Maschinen C160 könnten demnach nur 24 starten, beim Transporthubschrauber CH-53 seien nur 16 von 43 einsatzbereit…

Accidents Do Happen

September 24, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Accidents, German, Germans, Germany, History, Humor, Jokes, Nazis, Swastikas Leave a comment

A German construction company has apologized to the city of Goslar after laying bricks in the shape of a swastika at a new shopping center there (this is the town that finally got up enough civil courage to revoke Adolf Hitler of his honorary citizenship last year, after all).

The builders claim that the shape of the bricks was purely accidental but when trying to contact the particular worker responsible to ask him about some other shapes discovered at the shopping center (the Nazi party eagle, several pairs of SS bolts and a big “I Love Adolf” mosaic) he could no longer be found for questioning.

“We have no leads, we are keeping our options open and investigating. We are speaking to the building firm responsible for the new footpath. They claim it was not deliberate but just an innocent mistake, and have already changed it.”

Update: Why Germans Always Pay Cash?

September 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Companies, Deals, German, Germans, Germany, Industry, Life Science, Oil, Takeovers, Wall Street 2 Comments

Because they can. Take cash-stuffed German mega-companies, for instance.

They’re buying everything they can find in US-Amerika these days that hasn’t been tied down.

In recent days, two multibillion-dollar deals were announced. On Sunday, the German engineering conglomerate Siemens announced a $7.6 billion acquisition of the Dresser-Rand Group, the United States oil products company. And on Monday morning, Merck of Germany, the chemical and drug giant, said it would pay $17 billion for Sigma-Aldrich, an American life sciences company.

PS: Remember when Japan was going to take over the United States? No, I guess you wouldn’t remember that. Never mind.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Germans