German Government Fears Trump Would Ravage American Economy

October 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Banks, Debts, Deutsche Bank, Economy, Enigma, German, Germans, Germany, Trump Leave a comment

But I happen to have access to a German code breaking machine here called the Enigma-Not and it tells me that what this actually means is that the German Government fears Trump would ravage the German economy.

When I ran “shrinking gross domestic product, fewer jobs and higher unemployment in the United States” through the Enigma-Not, for instance, it gave me “NATO countries like Germany, Trump has said, have to pay more of the costs for their own security in the future. Otherwise, the US would withdraw its troops.”

Meanwhile… Trump’s biggest lender is Deutsche Bank. He owes about $300 million to the bank, nearly half of his outstanding debt.

Hitler Face A Real Hit

September 30, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor Tags: Art, Berlin, Berlin Leuchtet, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Installations, Mall of Berlin Leave a comment

Everybody is talking about it or something. It only comes out at night. And Halloween is still a full month away.

The huge Hitler face triggered a police call out after a stunned motorist was among dozens to ring in to say: ‘I have seen a gigantic Hitler projected on to a building at Leipziger Platz.’

It turned out the beaming dictator was projected on to the wall as part of the Berlin Light art festival which draws two million visitors from around the world, and Hitler forms part of the programme.

Am Leipziger Platz leuchtet ihnen ein übergroßer Adolf Hitler entgegen. Er rollt die Augen und lacht dabei irre.

Berlin: The Future Is Ours

September 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Cities, German, Germans, Germany, Rankings Leave a comment

It has to be because the present is kind of, you know, sucky? And we don’t even want to talk about the past.

Berlin may have moved ahead a bit in the current ranking of German cities the magazine Wirtschafswoche and the real estate site Immobilienscout 24 put out (it moved up to place 39) but, alas, when it comes to economic power, jobs, real estate and quality of life, its still got a long way to go before it catches up to the winner, The City Whose Name Cannot Be Spoken (Munich).

Die Hauptstadt landet im Städteranking der Wirtschaftswoche und des Immobilien-Portals Immobilienscout 24 wie im Vorjahr auf Platz neun von 69 Großstädten, wenn die Dynamik am Standort gemessen wird. Wird das erreichte Niveau angegeben, kommt Berlin auf Rang 39 und hat sich somit um vier Plätze verbessert.

German Of The Day: Albtraum

September 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Banks, Debt, Deutsche Bank, Finances, Fines, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Lending Leave a comment

That means nightmare. You know, like Nightmare on Elm Street? Or Nightmare at Deutsche Bank?

Read my lips, the usual suspects are saying: Everything is fine, the German government is not preparing a bailout, there have been no secret talks with the chancellor and there is nothing here that needs to be rescued in the first place. Now say that ten times really fast.

The German government denied it was working on a rescue of Deutsche Bank as Germany’s biggest lender boosted its balance sheet by selling its British insurance business on Wednesday.

Deutsche is facing a $14 billion fine from the Department of Justice, and concerns over its funding pushed its shares to a record low on Tuesday and heightened concerns about the health of the financial sector in Europe’s largest economy.

“Die Situation des Konzerns ist viel besser, als sie von außen wahrgenommen wird.”

Double-O-Sieben In Da Hood

September 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: 007, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, James Bond, Spies, Tax evasion, Werner Mauss Leave a comment

Or at least under it.

Now we know why we never hear much about German spy activity. First off all, German spies are really easy to recognize because of those dopey hoods they wear. I mean, duh. Like you can see them spying at you a mile away.

And secondly, if any of them do turn out to be any good, they get thrown into jail for tax evasion.

Germany’s answer to James Bond on Monday faced what may prove to be the greatest challenge of his career as he went on trial on charges of tax evasion…

The 76-year-old Mr Werner* has claimed he helped avert a mafia poisoning attempt against Pope Benedict XVI negotiated between Israel and Hamas, and took part in intelligence operations against Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant (Isil).

* It’s Mr. Mauss, Telegraph journalists, not Mr. Werner. Mr. Mauss is a way cooler spy name, too.

It’s Time To Get Outer Ear

September 26, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hurt Feelings Tags: Alcohol, Ears, German, Germans, Germany, Puns, Tourists Leave a comment

Boy oh boy. Drunken tourists these days (this story is really earie, folks).

Berlin police say a 43-year-old Norwegian tourist is in custody after biting off part of the ear of a man who tried to break up a fight between him and a dark-skinned German passenger he’d allegedly taunted as being a terrorist.

Police said Monday the intoxicated tourist started the fight Sunday night on a regional train in Berlin, accusing the other passenger in English of being a terrorist and asking if he had a bomb.

I guess they’re going to charge him with a misdemeanear now. And why the hell didn’t the train’s enginear step in?

Tourist beißt Streitschlichter einen Teil des Ohrs ab.

Literally Dozens Of Anti-Trump Protesters Rebuild Berlin Wall

September 25, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Apps, Avaaz, Berlin, Berlin Wall, Demonstrations, Donald Trump, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Protest, Voting 4 Comments

Like in a manner of minutes or something, too.

Although it is still unclear to me why they did this. I mean, just because they say that Trump “is a narcissist, xenophobe, fascist, racist and a phony populist,” doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t a nice guy.

Stranger still is that they then tore their Berlin wall right back down again. Talk about your never-ending, Sisyphean task. Sheesh.

And the shocking historical ignorance they demonstrate here really infuriates me, too. Everybody in Berlin knows that Donald Trump was not in the least responsible for tearing down the Berlin Wall. David Haselhoff was.

Americans residing abroad tend to be far more left-wing than their compatriots back in the US.

Ig Noble Deeds That Are Concealed Are Most Esteemed

September 23, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany, Harvard, Ig Nobel Prize, Volkswagen Leave a comment

Perhaps the best-known awardee Thursday night was German car manufacturer Volkswagen, which was handed the Ig Nobel for chemistry, “for solving the problem of excessive automobile pollution emissions by automatically, electromechanically producing fewer emissions whenever the cars are being tested.” No one from the company attended the ceremony to collect the prize, however.

Wer den Schaden hat … VW hat für seine Schummel-Software, die zum Dieselgate geführt hat, von der Harvard-Uni einen Anti-Nobelpreis bekommen.

Plain Talk II?

September 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees Leave a comment

As Chancellor Merkel stated in yesterday’s post: Migrants without the right to stay (in Germany) should be sent back with determination.

Then it’s time for Merkel’s determination nation to get that determination up and running, I guess: Some 550,000 migrants in Germany who have had their asylum requests rejected have still not been deported, according to parliamentary figures cited by a local media outlet.

In Deutschland leben nach Angaben der Bundesregierung fast 550.000 abgelehnte Asylbewerber.

Plain Talk?

September 21, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Political Parties, Refugees Leave a comment

In Germany? When it comes to the refugee crisis here? I’m sure you mean well but you’re clearly on another wavelength than the Germans.

In Germany, in particular, there is a sense that the authorities have lost control and that established political parties cannot think or talk plainly about the problem…

Only now does Angela Merkel concede that she made mistakes when admitting a million refugees last year. It was obvious to most people in Europe at the time that her warm-hearted gesture would lead to catastrophic results. In declaring that all Syrian refugees would be welcome if they made it to Germany, she doubled the fortunes of the human trafficking industry. The asylum seekers came from Syria and North Africa through Austria and Hungary, having landed on the shores of Italy and Greece. Thousands died on the way.

Angela Merkel: Migranten ohne Bleiberecht sollen entschlossen zurückgeschickt werden.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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