German Of The Day: Spießer

May 1, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Germany, Hamburg, Humor, Language, May 1, Senseless Violence, Tradition 3 Comments

A Spießer is a fuddy-duddy. You know, like those fussy, old-fashioned and traditionalist folks who still insist on burning things down on May 1 in Germany?

Incapable of learning any new tricks, and still living in a fantasy world based upon stories about some mythical, imaginary past that their Spießer grandparents and parents read to them as small children, they are no longer able to understand that nobody in today’s real world is interested in their outmoded tastes and manners anymore and, accordingly, becoming frustrated by the lack of attention they receive when resorting to violence, resort to violence.

Traditionsgemäß haben zum 1. Mai linke Gruppen in Berlin und Hamburg demonstriert.

Free Choice, More Convenience, Lower Prices?

April 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Airbnb, Bans, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Government Regulation, Interventionism, Regulation, Rent, Vacation Rentals Leave a comment

Not in our city, buddy. I mean Airbnb buddy. Not if we from the we’re-from-the-government-and-we’re-here-to-help faction can do anything about it.

We like things regulated here in Berlin. You know, we like things managed, micro-managed, even nano-managed or nanny-managed, if you prefer. What else do we have this oppressive Bevormundungsstaat (paternalistic state) for?

Looking to rent an apartment on your next vacation to Berlin? Starting Sunday, you can basically forget about it. From May 1, Germany’s capital is banning landlords from renting out apartments to short-term visitors, with only a few exceptions permitted.

The penalty for breaking the law is a substantial €100,000 ($113,000) fine — levied on people renting their homes, never on the guests themselves. There will still be some loopholes that allow a few vacation apartments to persist, but it seems that, in Berlin at least, the astronomical rise of Airbnb and other short-stay rental sites is effectively over.

Das Wohnungsangebot in Berlin bei Airbnb ist kleiner geworden. Mehr als 4000 Objekte wurden laut einem Medienbericht gestrichen. Offizielle Begründung: Sie böten “kein authentisches Reiseerlebnis”.

German Rents Keep Rising

April 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Animals, Bees, Chickens, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Rabbits Leave a comment

You have to shell out $85 a week at Rent-a-Huhn just for five lousy chickens, for instance.

Bee-Rent will set you back nearly $200 a month for your bee box. And I wouldn’t even want to tell you what renting out a rabbit companion for your rabbit costs. Not even if I knew, I mean.

Farm living is the life for me (not).

“The hens are very relaxed when I pick them up again – and so are the customers, who are often sad to see their feathery friends leave.”

Germany To Receive Electroshock Therapy

April 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Automobiles, Electric Cars, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Subsidies Leave a comment

In another electrifying example of tax dollar waste (or in this case tax euro waste), Angela Merkel’s government has just made a deal with automakers to spend some 1.2 billion euros on incentives to boost sluggish electric car sales in Germany.

“The goal is to move forward as quickly as possible on electric vehicles,” one high-ranking government official said while attaching the electrodes to the German nation’s sweaty forehead. “With this, we are giving an impetus.”

And if that first shock doesn’t work, who cares? This is renewable energy they’re using here, folks.

Just over 30,000 electric vehicles, which are more expensive than conventional models, have been sold in Germany. That’s a tiny fraction of the more than 3 million cars bought each year in a country which has historically leaned on diesel technology to reduce carbon-dioxide emissions.

Hysteria Half-Life Not Yet Reached In Germany

April 26, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, History, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Atomic energy, Chernobyl, Fukushima, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear power, Radiation, Renewable energy Leave a comment

Nor will it be any time soon. It must be artificially maintained in order to justify the German Energiewende, you see.

Thirty years after the Chernobyl disaster, it has become clear that radioactivity might be less harmful than originally thought. Some researchers even believe it may be beneficial in small doses.

That is a surprising finding. Three decades ago, half of Western Europe was contaminated with weakly radioactive precipitation. The public at large was taught to view the ubiquitous radioactivity as particularly insidious.

But now, apparently not everything that gives off radiation is bad after all. The body seems to be able to cope with low doses of radon. “We are continuing to search for damage to the genome,” says Fournier, “but so far we aren’t seeing anything.”

Who would voluntarily breathe in radioactive gas? These days, there are people who do. They swear by the notorious noble gas radon, created by the decay of uranium: They inhale it deeply.

Let The Festival Of Love Begin

April 24, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hanover, Merkel, Obama, Protest, Trade, TTIP Leave a comment

And let’s get it over with as soon as possible.

Time to say goodbye already.

While his fifth and final official trip to Europe’s biggest economy is expected to cover global crises, one of the headline goals is to advance negotiations on what could become the world’s biggest free trade agreement.

UFO Crash Site Secured In Germany

April 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Army, German, Germans, Germany, Hohenfels, Humvees, Military, Parachutes, UFOs 2 Comments

I mean UFO as in Unimpeded Falling Object, by the way.

And first reports indicate that these eerie, extraterrestrial vehicles appear to be American made. I got your Area 51 for you right here, pal.

Wenn Autos vom Himmel regnen, dann hat man entweder Drogen genommen, oder man befindet sich offenbar auf dem Truppenübungsplatz in Hohenfels.

Money Doesn’t Stink In Germany

April 21, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Cash, Corruption, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Money Laundering 2 Comments

That’s because it gets laundered here so much. Get it?

Over 100 billion euros gets processed here every year. They even call it Geldwäsche (money washing). That sounds a lot more, I dunno, cleaner than laundering does, don’t you think?

Germany is considered an El Dorado for criminals who want to launder their money, a study for the Finance Ministry has found.

Money laundering deals that take place outside of the finance sector go largely undetected in Germany – meaning a large proportion of all illegal business is never found, the report claims.

So like why go to the trouble of opening some fake offshore company in Panama?

Nur Bares ist Wahres?

German Of The Day: Majestätsbeleidigung

April 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Böhmermann, Censorship, Erdogan, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Insults, Justice, Language, Law, Legislation, Satire, Slander Leave a comment

That means a slight or an insult against a sovereign majesty-type person (lèse majesté).

You know, the crime German comedian Jan Böhmermann recently committed against the Top Sultan What’s in Charge in Turkey? In the year 2016, I mean?

Anyways, this law, paragraph 103, is still on the books here in Germany and Hamburg’s justice minister has decided to go way out on the limb here and give it a shot and see if he could maybe sort of like get rid of this ridiculous piece of legislation already. It would be a big step forward into the unknown and all that, of course, but I, for one, am convinced that German civilization will be able to handle it.

Die Justizbehörde geht davon aus, dass das Gesetz noch vor der Sommerpause gestrichen werden könnte und das Verfahren gegen Böhmermann dann eingestellt werden müsste. Davon unberührt blieben jedoch Ermittlungen gegen Böhmermann wegen Beleidigung nach Paragraf 185 Strafgesetzbuch.

DiscrimiNation

April 19, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Discrimination, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Studies, Surveys Leave a comment

Get it? Nation?

And you thought you had it bad where you live (and of course you do) but here in Germany one out of every three Germans gets discriminated against regularly.

That’s right. Germans just don’t like Germans and they refuse to treat them fairly. They treat them like second-class citizens, which, in a way, well, they are. But so are the other two-thirds so why just pick them out to be treated like Dreck (dirt) like that? It just ain’t fair.

And the latest numbers (see the graph in the article) show that Germans get treated like Dreck whether it is at work or at play or while shopping or over at the courthouse or in the hospital or at school or in the media or even on the Internet. Like right here, for example. They just don’t get no respect.

But don’t worry because these Germans have had it up to here and are now going to start taking each and every one of each other to court about this, without discrimination. I mean indiscriminately.

“Es muss endlich möglich sein, Betroffene vor Gericht effektiv zu unterstützen – wie es in vielen anderen europäischen Ländern längst möglich ist.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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