Back To The Zukunft

January 19, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Baader-Meinhof, Back to the Future, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, RAF, Robberies, Terror, Terrorists 1 Comment

Is this for real, folks? Did they just pop through some 70s wormhole to wreak havoc in our own current space time continuum (assuming there is such a thing as a current one)?

DNA samples tell us that RAF terrorists (?) retro-terrorized us last June while attempting an armed robbery but we didn’t even notice it because, well, like what were they going to be? RAF terrorists or something? Besides, they botched it.

What is this? I mean, their pictures are still in black and white for crying out loud.

One thing is for certain, though: They did not get away in a DeLorean. They were using a Ford Focus. At least the cops know now that they didn’t get very far. That is definitely one “no future” automobile.

The three fled the scene – a supermarket car park in Gross Mackenstedt – in a Ford Focus, having failed to grab the cash that was inside the van. The two security men inside were unhurt.

Finding Friends Now Illegal In Germany

January 15, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, Data Privacy, Data Protection, Facebook, Frank Zappa, Friend Finder, Friends, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia 2 Comments

If you had any friends, you wouldn’t have to find them, right?

And trying to find friends who aren’t your friends yet would only be an imposition and a possible violation of their Gott-given data privacy rights.

So just why are you trying to find these friends, anyway? Do you have some hidden agenda we don’t know about? What are you really up to? And, more importantly, why are you standing on ze corner?

Germany’s Federal Court of Justice has upheld a 2014 judgement that Facebook’s Friend Finder feature is illegal under laws concerning both unwanted commercial promotions and data protection, following an appeal by the social media giant.

The album (Weasels Ripped My Flesh) also documents the brief tenure of Lowell George (guitar and vocals), who went on to found the country-rock band Little Feat with Mothers bassist Roy Estrada . On “Didja Get Any Onya?”, George affects a German accent to relate a story of being a small boy in Germany and seeing “a lot of people stand around on the corners asking questions, ‘Why are you standing on the corner, acting the way you act, looking the way you look, why do you look that way?'”

Dieselgate Actually US-Amerikanische Conspiracy Or Something

December 11, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Conspiracies, Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, VW 3 Comments

But you knew that already, I hope.

It was a few researchers from West Virginia (at least one German researcher working in the US was involved here, too, by the way) who brought down the might of the German automotive industry, exposing VW’s Dieselgate cheats. Do you think Germany is pleased about that?

Displeased might not be the right word, but the very healthy sense of irony in Germany came out strong as the industrial nation had to reckon with podunk yahoo America getting German tech on the global shitlist (see the FIFA scandal, “unfortunately” a similar situation). Let us not forget that VW is Germany’s biggest automaker, and making autos is Germany’s most proud export business.

This video comes from the publicly-funded ZDF TV network.

American cars. Non-manipulated. Out of love for the environment.

Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

November 25, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Health, Humor, Hypochondria, Polls, Sickness, Stress, Studies, Work Leave a comment

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.

Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

German Of The Day: Putzig

November 12, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: BND, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Language, NSA, Spies, Spying Leave a comment

That means cute. As in funny cute. You know, comical? Like when little kids say something unexpectedly and unintentionally funny? Or, I dunno, like when Germans are completely shocked to find out that their spy agency actually spies on other folks, too?

After angrily upbraiding the U.S. for its electronic spying networks that targeted Germans, the government of Chancellor Angela Merkel has been rocked by two reports in less than a week charging that German intelligence targeted U.S. arms companies, the FBI, a top French diplomat, several international organizations and allied government departments, and even a German diplomat working for the European Union.

“Es kann solche Praktiken zwischen Verbündeten nicht geben.”

501 German Oddities For HOW Much?

October 10, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Culture, Ebook Sales, eBooks, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jokes, Sales, Satire, Travel Leave a comment

For only 99 cents? Why, that’s… 5.060606060606061 oddities per cent! A pretty high percentage of oddities there, I’d say. For the penny, I mean.

And worth every penny, too. Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Sale ends next week! So hurry or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Scribd, etc.

The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left

September 5, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Books, Communists, eBooks, Feminists, Greens, Humor, Jokes, Leftists, Liberals, Pacifists, Satire, Socialists, The Left, The Little Red Book 3 Comments

Why do liberals love eating donuts so much?

Also available at Amazon, Apple iTunes, Barnes & Noble, createspace, etc. Enjoy!

German Sommerloch Update: Office Chairs Incorrectly Adjusted For Many Employees

August 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria Tags: Employment, Ergonomics, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hypochondria, Language, Satire, Sommerloch, Work 1 Comment

Especially for the ones still on their Sommerloch summer vacations, I bet.

Sitting for long periods strains the spine. Many desk workers therefore complain about backache. Correctly adjusting the office chair can prevent these complaints, however.

„In vielen Betrieben gibt es gute Stühle, aber die Beschäftigten haben sich damit noch nie befasst.“

English Of The Day: Fancy

July 30, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Actors, Comedians, English, Flula, German, Germans, Humor, Language, Los Angeles, Videos 2 Comments

Flula: “I tried to eat items. You know, food? And I was in a restaurant to eat some food. But the salad that I did like it was having like a weird thing. Some strange cheeses…”

“Get away from my fancy. It’s my fancy.”

Or check out the “he is from, where are you from?” pseudo-dirndl-gal who’s way too excited about learning how to be German. In Los Angeles.

Sommerloch Tornado Coming This Way!

July 24, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Films, German, Germans, Germany, Horror Films, Humor, Movies, Sharknado, Sharks, Sommerloch, Storms, Tornados, Trash, Zeljko 1 Comment

The German Sommerloch is famous for being the time for scary none-news news reports. It is also famous for being the time for reports about scary non-animal animals, too.

That is why everybody is all hot and bothered right now about that scary low front “Zeljko“ approching Germany as you read this. Many Sommerloch weather forecasters are worried that this could be the beginning of a real live Sommerloch tornado (ignore the fact that Germany doesn’t actually do tornados, please).

Others who prefer to remain anonymous are going to go even further out on the limb and are predicting that “Zeljko“ could turn into the dreaded Sommerloch Sharknado ITSELF!

Im ersten Teil bekämpfen sie die fliegenden Haie in Los Angeles, in Teil zwei in New York und in „Sharknado 3 – Oh Hell No!“ macht sich der Raubtier-Tornado über der gesamten Ostküste der USA breit.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Humor